b g@BelieversMarried2UnbelevrsM.txtTEXTBOBO}}Km A BELIEVERS MARRIAGE TO A BELIEVER LASTS UNTIL THEY ARE PARTED BY DEATH (c) by Ron Tyler, 1995 and revised 5/2002. oldservant8@yahoo.com, Jabez1Chr4@aol.com P.O.Box 620763, San Diego, CA 92162-0763 SUBJECTS: 1. Marriage of two unbelievers lasting for the life of both? What does it mean for two believers to cleave to one another in marriage?What about adultery and divorce? 2. As a believer, what do you do about your believing mate who has become adulterous? 3. Can we trust Him that we are married to the one to whom we should be married? 4. When are we to separate though married? Reconciliation with a mate who has genuinely repented of the adultery? 5. What does the Bible mean by divorce? DIVORCE DEFINED 6. A different word for believers married to unbelievers? THE CONTROVERSY OVER 1 COR 7 7.MORE ON THE DEUTERONOMY 24 CONTROVERSY ==================================================== PART SIX OF SEVEN 6. A different word for believers married to unbelievers? THE CONTROVERSY OVER 1 COR 7 What was the Old Testament precedent in the matter of the believer married to the unbeliever? //We see in the book of Ezra that it was relatively an easy matter to divorce unbelieving wives, even after having children with them. Jesus changed that in 1 Cor. 7. Dt 21:14 is about a believer being married to an unbeliever. As an unbeliever she was free to remarry after being divorced even though they had sexual union because she was not subject to the Sinai Law. ****De 21:10 When you go forth to war against your enemies, . . . and you have taken them captive, 11 And see among the captives a beautiful woman, and have a desire unto her, that you would have her to thy wife; . . . . and after that you shall go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife. 14 And it shall be, if you have no delight in her, then you shall let her go according to her desire; but you shall in no wise sell her for money; you shall not treat her as a slave, because you have humbled her. //humbling a woman meant having sexual intimacy with a woman ****De 22:24 then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city, and the man, because he has humbled his neighbours wife; and you shall put evil away from thy midst. //Of course this easy divorcing of the unbelieving wife by the believing Israelite indicates that these were uncovenanted marriages, because if the Israelite had covenanted-for-life with his unbelieving wife, he would have been bound to keep his covenant- for-life with her, just like Joshua had to keep covenant with the Gibeonites (Josh 9), and like the Kings covenant with Babylon (Ezek 17). ****Psalm 15:1 <> Jehovah, who shall sojourn in thy tent? who shall dwell in the hill of thy holiness? 2 He that walks uprightly, . . .; who, if he have sworn to his own hurt, changes it not; 5 . . . He that does these things shall never be moved. //Now we know the standard for marriage of believers in Jesus. [Please understand that <####> is Strong's numbered definition of the Bible Word. Strong is a widely accepted scholar of Bible languages.] ***Mark 10:11 And he says unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committs adultery against her. 12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committs adultery. ***Rom 7: 2 For the married woman is bound <1210> (5769) by law to her husband so long as he is alive; but if the husband should die, she is clear from the law of the husband: ***1 Cor 7: 39 A wife is bound <1210> (5769) ---- Strong's <1210> deo 1) to bind tie, fasten 1a) to bind, fasten with chains, to throw into chains 1b) metaph. 1b2) to bind, put under obligation, of the law, duty etc. 1b2a) to be bound to one, a wife, a husband ***-----for whatever time her husband lives; but if the husband be fallen asleep, she is free ------ ///So we see clearly that the believing wife is bound, fastened, under-obligation-of-law to her believing husband as long as he lives. What about the believer whose unbelieving-and-disobedient-to-God husband leaves, rejects, abandons and/or divorces her? 1 Cor 7:If any brother has a wife that believes not, and she consent/agree to be dwelling with him, he should not put her away<863>. 13 And the woman which has an husband that believes not, and if he consent/agree to be dwelling with her, she should not leave<863> him. ///At the time when the unbelieving mate consents/agrees to be dwelling with the believing mate, the believing mate should not <863>----- -------------------ask the unbeliever to leave -------------------divorce the unbeliever -------------------leave/go away from the unbeliever -------------------abandon the unbeliever -------------------go away leaving the unbeliever behind ///At the time when the unbelieving mate does not consent/agree to be dwelling with the believing mate, the believing mate is free to <863>----- -------------------ask the unbeliever to leave -------------------leave/go away from the unbeliever -------------------abandon the unbeliever -------------------go away leaving the unbeliever behind -------------------divorce the unbeliever /// Even though the unbeliever is free to leave and/or divorce the unbeliever who does not consent/agree to dwell with the believer, the believer is not maritally unbound from the believer, is not free to remarry, until 1 Cor 7:15 takes place, happens, occurs. ///If five months ago or last night the unbelieving mate WAS NOT consenting/agreeing to be dwelling with the believer, FIVE MONTHS AGO OR LAST NIGHT the believer was free to ----- -------------------ask the unbeliever to leave -------------------leave/go away from the unbeliever -------------------abandon the unbeliever -------------------go away leaving the unbeliever behind -------------------divorce the unbeliever BUT IF NOW the unbelieving mate is consenting/agreeing to be dwelling with the believer, the believing mate should not <863>----- -------------------ask the unbeliever to leave -------------------divorce the unbeliever -------------------leave/go away from the unbeliever -------------------abandon the unbeliever -------------------go away leaving the unbeliever behind /// Even though the unbeliever is free to leave and/or divorce the unbeliever who does not consent/agree to dwell with the believer, the believer is not maritally unbound from the believer, is not free to remarry, until 1 Cor 7:15 takes place, happens, occurs. 1 Cor 7:15 But if the unbeliever go away <5563>, he/she should go away <5563>; a brother or a sister is not bound <1402> (5769) in such cases, but God has called us in peace. STRONG's:1402 douloo 1) to make a slave of, reduce to bondage 2) metaph. give myself wholly to one's needs and service, make myself a bondman to him ArndtGingrichThayer: 1402 douloo: is not bound as a slave in such cases, is not held by law or necessity in such cases, is not under bondage, is not subject, is not enslaved Strong's <5108> toioutos 1) such as this, of this kind or sort ///Which all yields: ***15 But if the unbeliever go away <5563>, -----------------<5563> separate, divide, part, --------------put asunder, separate one's self -------------from, depart, leave, divorce ***he/she should go away<5563>; -----------------<5563> separate, divide, part, -------------put asunder, separate one's -----------self from,depart, leave, divorce ***a brother or a sister is not------------ ---------------bound/reduced to bondage/ --------------enslaved/subject -------------held by law or necessity---- ***in such cases as this, but God has called us in peace. ///So we see that while the believing couple is bound, fastened, under-obligation-of-law to each other as long as both live, we see that believers are NOT bound/reduced to bondage/enslaved/subject by law or necessity to their unbelieving-and-disobedient-to-God mates who have left them, rejecting them, abandoning them, and/or divorcing them, and so are free to remarry in Jesus. ///Is this just my point of view? Consider Matthew Henry (Vol 2, p. 538): "In such a case the deserted person must be free to marry again, and it is granted on all hands. And some think that such a malicious desertion is as much a dissolution of the marriage-covenant as death itself. . . . .It does not seem reasonable that they should be still bound, when it is rendered impossible to perform conjugal duties or enjoy conjugal comforts, through the mere fault of their mate: in such a case marriage would be a state of servitude indeed." ///Or consider Bruce's The International Bible Commentary (Zondervan House p. 1362): "Seems to imply freedom to remarry. The unbeliever having 'taken himself off', which is the force of the middle voice of 'leaves', no further compulsion to preserve the marriage remains on the believer." . . . As to the marriage, the believer is not to become involved " in the conflict of seeking to preserve it against the will of the unbeliever." A DIALOGUE ON THE ISSUES >>A person wrote: // I responded > Nowhere does it ever, ever say in Scripture that > someone is free to remarry > if they have been left by an unbeliever. ///So the Greek, Lexicons, translators and conservative commentaries indicate that your position is incorrect. > On the > contrary, I Corinthians 7:11 > says clearly that you are to remain unmarried or > else be reconciled to your > spouse. Only death ends the covenant according to I > Corinthians 7:39. You > can't take one or two verses and throw them out, > because they can be > misinterpreted. ///Those passages are clearly about believers, born again and genuine believers and disciples of Jesus who have become forever people, making their marriages binding as long as they both live on earth. > You also have to see what Jesus said on the subject > and remember that Paul > cannot annul Jesus' words (remember when Jesus said > that Heaven and earth > would pass away, but His Word would stand?). Paul > cannot come in and permit > that which Jesus said was sin. It is just that > simple. . . . Do > you honestly believe > that Paul could change what God had already spoken? ///Matt 5 and 23:1-3 clearly indicate that Jesus was still dealing only with Jews and Jewish converts, who He required to observe the Sinai Law and Covenant and His New Covenant commandments. So when He said (Mk 10:11,12) "And he says to them, Whosoever shall put away his wife and shall marry another, commits adultery against her. And if a woman put away her husband and shall marry another, she commits adultery." . . . . ------and when He said (Lk16:18) "Every one who puts away his wife and marries another commits adultery; and every one that marries one put away from a husband commits adultery." ------- He had already significantly updated His commands in Deut 24. He was stating new regulations for His subjects in His Kingdom, that He as Messiah was stating His new rules for His subjects under His New Covenant. ///Unbelievers were condemned by these Kingdom Laws, and were already dead, blind and deaf in their sins. But for those who wanted to live in the Kingdom and according to the Kingdom Laws, this was His New Word, while they still kept all the commandments of the Sinai Law/Covenant. So in the marriage of a believer to an unbeliever then, the believer would live by the King's Laws, but of course the unbeliever would not. If the unbeliever put away his wife and married another, of course he was committing adultery against her, but he didn't care because he was an unbeliever dead in his sins already. If an unbelieving woman put away her husband and married another, of course she committed adultery, but she didn't care because she was an unbeliever dead in her sins already. And then, if one married a believing one put away from an unbeliever, that one committed adultery. > ///But then Jesus established the New Covenant with His shed blood, for both Jew and non Jew. In and by Acts 2, 10 and 11 King Jesus showed that under His New Covenant, Jews and non Jews would both come to Him by salvation by Faith in the atoning work of His Life and Death, trusting in Him alone for salvation and redemption, and trusting Him to save them from the power, penalty and presence of all their sins. Having been saved by faith in Him alone, Jews would continue to keep the Sinai Law/Covenant (Acts 15 and 21), not for salvation but to honor the covenant of their ancestors and people, to walk honorably and uprightly. Having been saved by faith in Jesus alone, the non Jews would not be required to observe the Sinai Law/Covenant nor be circumcised, but would walk and live according to the Laws of King Jesus' New Covenant, in the light of the OT Prophets, Psalms and Proverbs. ///No longer would He relate to the world through Israel and the Jews. Under the New Covenant, He said (Joh 18:36) " My kingdom is not of this world; if my kingdom were of this world, my servants had fought that I might not be delivered up to the Jews; but now my kingdom is not from hence." So He, by His Spirit, accepted non Jews by faith and without circumcision or Sinai Law, according to Acts10,11,15 and 21. This meant that in His Kingdom, there would be those believe Jews who would still be keeping the Sinai Covenant, and there would also be those non Jews who would not be circumcised, not observing the Sinai Law. The New Covenant included and allowed for both. So in His New Covenant He restated His Mark 10 and Luke 16 Kingdom Laws for His disciples, restating them by Paul in Rom 7:1-3 and 1 Cor 7:2-11; but He also made New Covenant and Kingdom allowance for those of His who were married to those who rejected His New Covenant and His Kingdom. ///He made provision for those under and living by Kingdom Law who were married to those living without and in rebellion against Kingdom Law. He made provision for those in His Kingdom who were married to those who were in the kingdom of Satan and the world. In His Kingdom, death freed a mate from the Law of the dead mate, freed them to remarry. In His New Covenant Kingdom, there were those who were alive in Jesus, and some of them were married to those who were spiritually dead in their trespasses and sins. Some of the spiritually living in Jesus were married to the spiritually dead apart from Jesus. ///So He gave the Word of Mercy, Mercy seeking salvation, to His children married to the dead, by His apostle Paul: "12 But as to the rest, *I* say, not the Lord, If any brother have an unbelieving wife, and *she* consent to dwell with him, let him not leave her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to dwell with her, let her not leave her husband. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified in the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in the brother; since otherwise indeed your children are unclean, but now they are holy. . . . . 16 For what know thou, O wife, if you shall save thy husband? or what know thou, O husband, if you shall save thy wife? ///Under the Old Covenant, they were allowed to divorce their mates because of the hardness of their hearts (Dt 24; Mt 19). Under the Old Covenant, Ezra and Nehemiah had the Israelites reject and abandon their unbelieving mates without mercy. In Mat 5 and 19, Mark 10, and Lk 16 the Messiah gave His New Covenant commands for His servants married to His servants. In His New Covenant Kingdom, He gave direction through Paul to those of His servants who were alive in Jesus but married to those who were dead in their trespasses and sins. > It is clear from what Jesus said that those who > remarry are committing adultery. ///He was speaking to His servants, alive by faith in Jesus. The Old Covenant showed His servants to be freed from their mates by death. In the New Covenant Kingdom, a Kingdom of the Spirit, not of a nation or a land, He could have acted without Mercy and released His living people from their dead mates, as Ezra and Nehemiah did, but instead He ruled in Mercy and declared that His living subjects should stay with their dead mates in hopes of saving to Life in Jesus their spiritually dead mates. > Jesus makes no distinction between those > who are divorced due to > sexual immorality and those who are divorced due to > the hardness of their > hearts. If He was making a distinction, He wouldn't > have made such a broad > statement about it being a sin to marry a divorced > person. ///He was speaking the Law of the New Covenant to His reborn servants. As He said, " Follow me, and leave the dead to bury their own dead". He considered the unbelieving dead. As such His Word was that His servants are freed by death from their dead mates. His Word in Mt 5 & 19; Mark 10 and Luk 16 was to His living servants, not to the dead. >He said that > ANYONE (my emphasis for you) who marries a divorced > person commits adultery, > period. He upheld the standard that was set by God, > not by man. God > intended for marriage to be a lifetime commitment, > period. Jesus made that > very clear. Think about it --- if it were > permissible for a divorced person > to remarry, why would Jesus declare the person who > marries a divorced person > to be an adulterer or adulteress? /// In John 8 Jesus showed that in the New Covenant He had changed the rules re adultery. In the Old Covenant the penalty for adultery was death so the adulterer or adulteress would die. Being dead their mate would be free to remarry. In the New Covenant Kingdom of the Spirit, because of "Joh 5:22 for neither does the Father judge any one, but has given all judgment to the Son;" His servants were no longer allowed to execute judgment on adulterers and adulteresses. All judgment of adultery had been given to Him alone, no longer in the hands of His servants. Instead of telling His servants to stone the adulteress, He took her judgment to Himself, and seeing her confession and penitent spirit, forgave her and told her essentially to go back to her husband/marriage and sin no more. ///In His Kingdom, the spiritual deadness of the lost, is what would free the living in Christ from the dead inn their sins, but His Grace and Mercy has appeared in Christ Jesus, so that even though the living one's mate is dead by reason of unbelief, Grace and Mercy require the living one to stay with the dead unbelieving one in hopes that the living one may be used of Father towards the salvation of the dead one. When a dead one rejects/abandons/deserts/ divorces a living one in Jesus,the living one in Jesus has been released from the Law of Grace and Mercy that required them to stay with the one dead in unbelief. The unbelieving one gone and dead in sin, the believing one is freed from the dead by death to remarry a living one in Jesus. His Word remains " Follow me, and leave the dead to bury their own dead" > And what's with the constant barrage of scriptures > that speak of turning > someone over to Satan? No one, and I repeat no one, > has the right to act as > anyone else's Holy Spirit. ///Your rejection of all of the Word inspired by God and given through Paul, your rejection of the Word in 1 Cor 5 and the Word given in 1 Cor 7:12-16, make it appear that you are one of those of whom Peter wrote: ***15 and account the longsuffering of our Lord to be salvation; according as our beloved brother Paul also has written to you according to the wisdom given to him, 16 as also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; among which some things are hard to be understood, which the untaught and ill-established wrest, as also the other scriptures, to their own destruction. 17 *Ye* therefore, beloved, knowing these things before, take care lest, being led away along with the error of the wicked, ye should fall from your own stedfastness: 18 but grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.(2Pet3) ///So it appears to be fulfilled in you about the things given through Paul and hard to be understood, you apparently being untaught and ill-established, you apparently wrest, as also the other scriptures, to your own destruction. So to the beloved in Jesus who are reading this, know these things before, take care lest, being led away along with the error of the wicked, ye should fall from your own stedfastness as those who have rejected the Messiah's Word by Paul; but grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen. WHAT IF THE UNBELIEVER CONSENTS/AGREES TO DWELL WITH THE BELIEVER, AND DOESNT LEAVE, ABANDON, FORSAKE OR DIVORCE THE BELIEVER? //How is a godly person to behave towards his/her unsaved mate when the marriage is under attack, when personally under attack? Luke 6:27 But I say to you who hear: Love your [mates who have made themselves your] enemies, do good to those [mates] who hate you, 28 bless those [mates] who curse you, and pray for those [mates] who despitefully use you. 29 And to him/her who strikes you on the [one] cheek, also offer the other. And to him/her who takes away your garment, do not forbid your tunic also. 30 Give to everyone who asks of you [including your mate], and from him/her who takes away your goods, do not ask [them] again. 31 And as you desire that people [including your mate] should do to you, you do also to them likewise. 32 For if you love those [mates] who love you, what thanks do you have? For sinners also love those [mates] who love them. 33 And if you do good to those [mates] who do good to you, what thanks do you have? For sinners also do the same. 34 And if you lend [to those mates] of whom you hope to receive, what thanks do you have? For sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again. 35 But love your [mates who have made themselves your] enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing [in return]. And your reward shall be great, and you shall be the sons of the Highest. For He is kind to the unthankful [mates] and [to] the evil [mates]. 36 Therefore be merciful [to your mates], even as your Father is merciful [to your mates]. Physical or verbal abuse/persecution? FLEE!!!!!!!!! Matthew 10:22 And you will be hated of all [people, including your mates] for My name's sake, but the [one] who endures to [the] end shall be kept safe. 23 But when they persecute you in this city, flee into another; for truly I say to you, In no way shall you have finished the cities of Israel until the Son of Man comes. 24 A disciple is not above [his] master, nor the servant above his lord. Paraphrased for troubled marriage/relations Romans 12: 9 [Let] love [be] without hypocrisy, . . . .14 Bless those [mates] who persecute you; bless, and do not curse [them]. 15 Rejoice with rejoicing ones, and weep with weeping ones; . . . 17 Repay no [mate] evil for [the] evil [he/she has done to you]. Provide things honest in the sight of all people [even your mates]. 18 If [it is] possible, as far as [is] in you, seeking peace with all people [even your mates]. 19 not avenging yourselves [for the evil your mates have done to you], beloved, but giving place to [God's] wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance [is] Mine, I will repay, says [the] Lord." 20 Therefore if your enemy hungers, feed him/her. If he/she thirsts, give him/her drink. For [in so] doing you shall heap coals of fire on his/her head. 21 Do not be overcome by [the] evil [done to you by your mates], but overcome [their] evil with good. My cousin was saved while married to her male chauvenistic, arrogant, proud, rich and unfaithful Greek Orthodox husband. He really believed that her place was pregnant, bare foot and in the kitchen. They found out after their second child that her heart was weak and she could die during childbirth and so was told to have no more children. He got her pregnant six more times for a total of 8 kids. Soon after being saved the Lord led my cousin into submission and obedience to His Word in 1 Peter 3 She became a faster and a prayer, leading all 8 kids to be beautifully saved. Her husband was no stupid, and soon realized and was told by his buddies that he had a great wife, an awesome wife, and appreciation and respect began to sink in to his male chauvenistic pig head. He was crazy proud of his precious and well behaved children, the envy of his buddies. Sometimes when he had one on his lap, his beloved children would say something like, "Daddy, do you love Jesus? Are you going to be in Heaven with us? Daddy, I want you to be in Heaven with me. Please??????????!!!!!!!!!! Daddy?????????????!!!!!!!!!!". He was deeply moved. In the meantime, all Patty's prayer and fasting had resulted in her having such a close and beautiful relationshuip with Jesus that He had given her the gifts of discernment of spirits, healing, prophecy, tongues and interpretation of tongues. She eventually became a part of the Kathryn Kuhlman ministry team. He gave her a large teaching and counseling ministry at Hollywood Presbyterian. Finally all her children were grown, and her rich husband was a much better father and husband ---Jesus was breaking up the hard ground of his heart. Then Jesus blessed him with leukemia, a very slow cancer, and finally he humbled himself and accepted Jesus, giving Jesus his body, soul and spirit. He became one of the gentlest, sweetest, nicest and most gracious Christians I have ever known ---- and then Jesus took him Home. He honored His Word and used Patty's obedience to 1 Peter 3 to save and take Home a precious son of God. Have faith. Trust God. Little is much with God's blessing on it. Weakness is strength and power with Jesus' blessing on it. If you have a Nabal for a husband, be an Abigail (1 Sam 25) PART SIX OF SEVEN For the rest, go to the sites below and find BelieverMarriageIsForLife.txt at http://www.smartgroups.com/group/group.cfm?GID=1336370 www.groups.yahoo.com/group/MarriageDivorceRemarriageJesus http://groups.aol.com/biblicalmarital http://communities.msn.com/BiblicalMarriageDivorceRemarriage http://www.etext.info/Religious.Texts/Misc/TylerFiles