THE CRISIS IN THE BLACK FAMILY: EXTREMELY INDEPENDENT SINGLE MOTHERS, and ABSENT OR INADEQUATE MALES COPYRIGHT © JANUARY 14, 1995 All rights reserved. Copyright © 01/14/'95; 01/12/Õ96 (Revised) This file, in its entirety, may be posted on or copied off of computer networks like Internet or WWW by anyone so inclined. By Lee Tyler P.O. Box 620763, SanDiego, CA 92162-0763 P.O.Box 734, El Centro, CA 92244 oldservant@mindspring.com or oldservant@planetall.com or 0953@geocities.com ªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªªª She is black, dark brown, dark reddish brown---so many delicious shades. Her skin looks like the richest of soils and I wonder, "Is she Mother Earth?" She moves gracefully with strength and purpose in her steps, unaware of her awesome beauty. She turns and looks me in the eye and then suddenly smiles so radiantly I almost lose my breath. How I love her eyes and her mouth, filled with kindness and gentleness---- from which I never need fear hurt or unkindness. She laughs and it sounds like music. We touch and my heart soars. We embrace and I put my lips on her delicious skin. As the Sun shines on her clean, soft and oiled skin I'm fascinated by the tiny tints of red, orange, yellow and all the browns that twinkle up at me. She is sooooo soft and firm, so full of life! We look into each others eyes, hers sparkling- ---we look long and deep---and then a cloud of uncertainty, self-doubt, personal fears, and haunting memories moves across her face and the lovely pools of her eyes are troubled. I kiss her passionately and hold her ever so close, wishing I could pull right into my heart and soul. I look again and the cloud has passed and her face is radiant. We two as one set out together to face and deal with our world. She lives and is loved in the deepest depths of my soul and my mind is filled with wonderful memories of her and us---and my heart rejoices. Song of Solomon 1:1* ¦ The song of songs, which is Solomon's. [ The Black Shulamite to her friends] 2. He should kiss me with the kisses of his mouth; [The Black Shulamite to King Solomon] For your lovemaking is better than wine. Your ointments smell sweetly; Your name is an ointment poured forth: Therefore do the virgins love you. 4. Draw me [to you], [Her friends, the Daughters of Jerusalem ] --we will run after you! [The Shulamite to her friends] The king has brought me into his chambers*--- [Solomon's concubines/wives to Solomon] -We will be glad and rejoice in you, We will remember* your* lovemaking more than wine. [ The Shulamite to Solomon] They love you uprightly.* 5 I am black [as the raven*] , but comely, daughters of Jerusalem, As the tents of Kedar, As the curtains of Solomon. 6* Look not upon me, because I am black [as the raven*]; Because the sun has looked upon me. My mother's children were angry with me: They made me keeper of the vineyards; Mine own vineyard have I not kept. 7* ¦ Tell me, you whom my soul loves, Where you feed [your flock], Where you make it to rest at noon; For why should I be as one veiled Beside the flocks of your companions? [ Solomon,the shepherd lover ] 8* If you know not, you fairest among women, Go out your way by the footsteps of the flock, And feed your kids* beside the shepherds' booths. [The Shulamite] 12* ¦ While the king is at* his table, My spikenard sends forth its fragrance. 13* A bundle of myrrh is my beloved unto me; He* shall pass the night between my breasts. 14 My beloved is unto me a cluster of henna-flowers In the vineyards of Engedi. [ Solomon] 15* Behold, you are fair, my loving friend; Behold, you are fair: your* eyes are [as] doves. [The Shulamite ] 16* Behold, you are fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant; [Solomon] 2:2* As the lily among thorns, So is my loving friend among the daughters. [The Shulamite ] 3* ¦ As the apple-tree among the trees of the wood, So is my beloved among the sons: In his shadow* have I [ecstatic] rapture* and sit down; And his fruit is sweet to my taste. [The Shulamite to her friends, the Daughters of Jerusalem] 4* He has brought me to the banqueting house*, And his banner over me is [affectionate] love*. 5* Sustain me with raisin-cakes, Refresh me with apples; For I am weak* from [affectionate] love*. 6 His left hand is under my head, And his right hand embraces me. 7* I charge you, daughters of Jerusalem, By the gazelles, or by the hinds of the field, That you stir not up, nor awake [romantic] love*, Till it* please. SO WHAT IS THE WORLD LIKE TODAY IN WHICH SUCH BLACK BEAUTIES FIND THEMSELVES? It was 1995 and the Black women living in Bosnia, Rawanda, Somalia, Sri Lanka, Cambodia and in Black inner city ghettos are all facing the same critical shortage of marriagable males in a patriarchal society where most of them want no part of lesbianism. In 1990, it was found that 33% of all black males aged 20 - 29 were either incarcerated, on parole, or on probation.>1a. I got more information from a local newspaper>1b. 1.) Approximately 1 out of every 25 black males is in prison; 2.) Between prison and death, there are significantly more Black females available for marriage than Black males; 3.) The vast majority of the Black males in prison range in age from 20 - 40, with most in the 25-35 age group; 4.) Most of the imprisoned Black males will return to prison. Just this week (12/1/Õ95) it was on national TV news and in the local paper that 6.8% of all Black males are in prison. This means a very significant number of Black males are unavailable for marriage or parenting their children during the normally most productive years (20-40) due to imprisonment or death. Perhaps that is why only 30% of married Black females have their spouse present in their homes, half the Caucasian/white rate (57%); while 9% of the married Black females have spouses that are absent from the home (four times the Caucasian/White 2% rate); and 39% of the Black females never married >1c. [Footnote: >1a The San Diego Union-Tribune, 10/5/'95, page A-5, quoting from The Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice in San Francisco. >1b Parade 8/13/'95; Parade Publications, 711 Third Ave., NY NY 10017. >1c Census Bureau/World Almanac. ] One out of every thousand Black people is dying of AIDS>1d making it the number one killer of Blacks in America. The AIDS virus is currently responsible for approximately on third of all deaths of all deaths of Black men aged 25 to 44, and for approximately one fifth of deaths of Black females aged 25 to 44, according to the CDC.>1e In terms of numbers that means a death rate of 177.9 deaths per 100,000 Black men (18 per 10,000; 2 per 1000), and a death rate of 51.2 deaths per 100,000 Black females (5 per 10,000; one per 1000).>1e That means approximately 30,000 Blacks will be dying each year from HIV/AIDS, a horrendous slaughter far worse than Viet Nam or WWII! Condoms fail 30% of the time [see the book by Doctor Lorraine Day, MD], and then on stationary artificial genitals according to federal test results, so they give very little protection. But when you add crack or speed or other mind altering drugs to the equation, so the users canÕt even think straight to appraise their risk or use them carefully and correctly, then condoms canÕt even give their miserable little 60% protection. One official in the AIDS office of the County Health Dept. told me that condoms have a documented 17% user-failure-rate (failed to protect the user). And the AIDS rolls on through the urban Black communities like the plague. [Footnote: >.1d San Diego Union Tribune, ll/25/'95 page A- 8, quoting the US Center Disease for Control and Prevention. >1e Associated Press in the San Diego Union 2/16/96] The second major killer of Blacks in America, especially the males, is Black-on-Black homicide. The third major killer of blacks in America today is abortion, where almost as many Black babies are being killed/aborted as are being born. According to Beverly LaHaye of Concerned Women for America, the original founder of Planned Parenthood had as her original purpose the use of government funded abortion to keep the minority populations small, especially the Black population. The Black population in America has increased very little in the last twenty years, one % in twenty years, to the delight of the bigots. Tragically all of the facts cited above (AIDS, Gangs, drugs, abortion) mean that Blacks are killing more Blacks per year now than the number of Blacks killed by Caucasian bigots and the KKK during any one year from 1800 to 1940, to the delight of the bigots. In 1880, according to the census bureau, Blacks accounted for 13.1% of the total population, whereas today Blacks account only for 12.5% of the total population. One hundred ten years later and the Black community has not yet recovered from the 1880Õs 13.1% (of the total USA pop.) drop to the 1895Õs 9.5% (of the total USA pop.) that lynchings, Jim Crow, and Western- Canadian-Mexican migrations caused in the Black community. More than a fourth of the Black population just dropped off the census charts during that time and the Black community has never made it back up to 13.1% of the total USA population. Not much chance given the present circumstances. This means a very significant number of Black males are unavailable for marriage or parenting their children during the normally most productive years (20-40) due to imprisonment or death. This results in significantly more Black females than males being available for marriage and parenting children, many of whom are single parents raising a family without a present or stable father figure. According to the Census Bureau and Focus on the Family radio program, 39% of Black women never marry, and 46% of Black men never marry>.1f On 11/26/'95, Focus on the Family's Michelle said that the Essence magazine gave the figure of 40% of Black women never marrying>.1f. We still live in a racist society 20 years after the death of M.L.King. Black females are not sought for as wives by a significant number of Black males and non-Black males in America. [Footnote: >.1f Focus on the Family (American On Line) ] This leaves a significant number of marriagable Black females with no suitable male to marry and help raise their children. Normal young, Black females with affectionate and passionate needs do not have enough suitable and marriageable males for monogynous marriages so that leaves neurotic frustration, celibacy, promiscuity, lesbianism or bisexuality for many Black women. Through ignorance, bigotry, fear of society, and bad taste the wonderful grace, beauty, deliciousness, elegance, wit, strength, charm and intelligence of most Black women is NOT appropriately esteemed or appreciated by most American males, so you do not find most white, Hispanic, Asian or Jewish males seeking Black women as wives. Most white, Hispanic, Asian or Jewish males would seek white, or Hispanic, or Asian, or Jewish wives before they would consider seeking a Black wife. Black women are, for the society as a whole, seen a lovers and sex objects far more than they are seen as wives and mothers. A saying in the white community about Black Americans is, "Look, dream, or fantasize but DON'T TOUCH! If you touch, DON'T MARRY! Take them to bed but never bring one home for dinner!" It hasn't changed much since slavery. The Black woman interested in marrying has a 40% chance of never marrying, and the older they get, the more children they have, the deeper their poverty, the less chance they have of ever marrying. Many single Black mother on welfare would rather have her own independent welfare income with independence from males, rather than have a man around who could mess up her dependable welfare check. Lastly, many single Black mothers never learned at home or in the community how fragile the male ego is, and the last thing they want to do is to show a Black male honor and respect as the man of the their house. Many Black mothers, bitter and resentful towards the men in their lives who they feel have wronged them, with barbed tongues shred the souls of their men, dominate them, belittle them etc. Of course the verbally inferior Black male responds to her superior verbal violence with his superior physical and inferior verbal violence. What about that whole generation who grew up without a positive and nurturing dad? They saw that their mother's men were transients without any lasting commitment to them or their mother. They learned that men were not, therefore are not, necessary to raising a family----or at least to surviving as a family. Many single mothers are so bitter against the men who they feel have wronged or failed them that the proclaim "Men! Who needs them!" and their sons hear them and learn that men are not necessary, at least not to women and mothers. They grow into men who believe that they are not necessary to the women in their lives and act accordingly, some even turning from women to men to feel needed and desired, homosexuality. Mothers are supposed to be natural nurturers, comforters and supporters of their male children, but many single Black mothers, filled with bitterness and resentment at the men in their lives who have wronged them, dump this frustration and rage on their sons using their superior verbal skills to intimidate and guilt trip them when their sons are small, and then bruise and batter their souls/egos when they are big in their teens. So many of these women, frustrated and irritated with their sons, day-in and day-out stay locked into this angry mode and rarely if ever hug their sons, look them in their eyes smiling and say "Son, I love you!" with a big warm and long hug. They seem to be afraid that if they do this it will be taken as a sign of weakness and make it harder for them to control this little man of theirs. Their sons grow up into men who feel unloved with no real reason to live, and/or unloved by women so when men offer them love and acceptance that they need so desperately, they accept it in homosexuality. Many learned from their single mothers that sex outside of marriage is the norm------that personal freedom and love- without-commitment is better than love with commitment to and responsibility for a marital relationship. So what role model did they have? The uncommitted, irresponsible, selfish, self-centered transient lover-boys that many of their mothers accepted. What motivation would such a male have to feel morally and financially responsible for his women or his children? Little to none. Is there any hope? Some suggest finding support groups (churches, fellowships, 12 step etc.) to help the single parent cope, and for some that works so they can carry on a meaningful life. Some find significant help from counselors. Some take James Dobson's advice by single mothers finding acceptable male role models for their sons, or by single fathers finding acceptable female role models for their daughters. Some of these role models can be found on a volunteer or token pay basis through one's extended family, one's church, one's support groups, local schools or etc. But these substitutes lack the sense of permanent commitment, "I'm here for you for life", that real parents can give. There is another substitute, another option. Two single moms who also are the best and dearest of friends (Women are so much better than men at building successful relationships!) decide to join forces and households , having realized that they will probably be a part of the 40% of Black women who never marry or a part of the 70% that never successfully marry, moving both of their families into one dwelling. If they are both working (even if only part time), or receiving child support or welfare, this dramatically reduces their cost of living, enables them to divide up the household chores, enables them to have more relaxed time with the kids for parenting, enables them to give each other breaks from the care of the kids, gives them a helper if they are temporarily disabled by illness, gives them an adult companion with whom they can share their trials and joys (Women are such good listeners!), and enables them to achieve a higher standard of living than they could independently. The savings and efficiencies are increased if three or more such single moms move into a larger dwelling with their families. Many misunderstanding can be avoided if the single moms involved sit down together first and reinforce their commitments to the shared living arrangement by drawing up, having signed and witnessed a contract that clearly spells out each others responsibilities, privileges and accountability in the arrangement. Of course the down side of this is that they are sexual and affectionate beings who will need to hug, hold and touch each other, basic human needs. The danger of them becoming lesbians or bisexual is greatly increased, and a factor with which they must deal and recognize. Sometimes these substitutes work, but many times they are just better than nothing. Sometimes these part-time substitutes don't cure the empty bed blues, the absent parent blues. Even God said it wasn't good for people to be alone. There is another way where there is lifetime commitment both for the single parent and for their children. Please consider the following ideas. My Islamic and polygynist friend Rafiq shared that the Quran states: "....Several times in recent years the subject of marriage was brought up in the International Shura (Consultative Assembly) of the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community. The reason was that most Communities faced the problem of having a surplus of girls unable to find husbands. The problem is/was of course more serious with widows and divorcees but also exists even with unmarried virgin girls. The fact that this subject was brought up for consultation again and again proves that in this respect the health of the society could be/needed to be improved. During the Assembly the Head of the worldwide Ahmadiyya Muslim Community had inquired from various delegates whether this problem existed in their local communities. All representatives had to agree, with the exception of the African representatives. As Polygamy is practiced in Africa the communities there did not face any problems in this respect." "As many Hadith (sayings of the Holy Prophet Mohammad (peace be on him) show it is of course a great blessing to marry widows and divorcees.. . ." "And if you fear that you will not be fair in dealing with the orphans, then marry of women as may be agreeable to you, two, or three, or four; and if you fear you will not be able to deal justly, then marry only one or what your right hands possess. That is the nearest way for you to avoid injustice." (Sura 4 verse 4)." Rafiq continues:"Sura 4:4 mentions the welfare of orphans. To elaborate a bit further we can say that Sura 4:4 deals with the welfare of the society. Polygamy therefore should be encouraged when the welfare of the society demands it.Ó "Another aspect of Sura 4:4 is that it mentions polygamy as a natural way of life. It does NOT start with 'marry ONE, or two, or three or four' but it already starts with 'marry two...' From this fact it can be clearly deducted that polygamy is considered rather the norm and not the exception. One reason therefore to seek to practice polygamy may be to fulfill the personal purposes of marriage as mentioned above. However, another aspect would be to contribute to the health of the society as a whole." "Most of the prophets of the bible have several wives [Abraham, Jacob, Jacob's sons, Moses, Gideon, David, Solomon, King Joash]. Islam is in fact the only religion who has LIMITED polygamy to only four permitted wives. This in order to facilitate the first rule of polygamy in Islam: the equal treatment of all wives." Here are summaries of some articles dealing with Black family issues and polygamy/polygyny. ------------------------------------------------------------- TITLE: Thinking the unthinkable: man-sharing: a startling report from those who do, don't, will, won't. AUTHOR: Laura B. Randolph SOURCE: Ebony 46:136+, Jan 1991 The book Man Sharing: Dilemma or Choice, by Audrey Chapman, says that man sharing is common in the black community. This article discusses the emotional impact of man-sharing on black women, and says that many black women do chose this life-style because of the shortage of black men. ------------------------------------------------------------- TITLE: Shortage of Black Men may Force Alternative to Traditional Family SOURCE: Jet 69:33, Feb 3, 1986 This article discusses the shortage of single, employed black men, and suggests that women may have to consider polygamy as an alternative. ------------------------------------------------------------- TITLE: Woman Leader Sparks Furor about Polygamy Saving Black Families SOURCE: Jet 69: 38-39 Feb 17, 1986 Hortense G. Canady, who is the leader of Sigma Theta Sorority, has created a controversy by stating that black women may have to live polygamy because of the shortage of marriagable black men in the community. ------------------------------------------------------------- TITLE: Can Mr. Mombasa Keep All his Wives? AUTHOR: Tim Stafford SOURCE: Christianity Today, 35:33-34 Feb 11, 1991 This article deals with a conflict in the Christian church in Kenya, wheremany blacks who are converted have several wives. Originally the churchwould not baptize them, but allowed them to participate in the church.Later, the church and some members broke away from their leadership and began baptizing black polygamous men. ------------------------------------------------------------- Most single Black mothers/women would not choose this polygyny option, preferring to remain unmarried all of their lives ---- having recreational sex, not providing a stable male role model for their son, and not modeling a loving husband-wife relationship for their daughters. But if a woman's situation necessitates it, if circumstances in the Black community (as described above) require it, why not in America too? In Paris France they have over 100,000 practicing polygynists, according to the New York Times. So why not America? The Bible and the history of the Christian movement show that you don't have to be Islamic to choose and practice such an option . In America, bigamy and polygyny are illegal. Why shouldn't ethically moral and Biblically acceptable Christian concubinage be a viable option for such a population (30 million Blacks in l990, 12.1% of the total USA pop.) with an obvious shortage of marriageable stable and successful males, even in America? Why couldn't a wife, of any race, whose best female friend is a Black single mom, approach her husband with the request that they as a couple include her best friend + kids as part of their family, with her husband becoming the adoptive father of the kids of the single mom and becoming husband to the single mom in concubinage (she becomes his concubine by informal covenant and contract, in a ceremony of their own design with the exchange of their covenants with his wife as witness, instead of by civil or formal legal means, since bigamy and polygamy are illegal in America). The kids of the single mom get a committed and already successful father figure, and the single mom gets a husband with whom she can soul-bond and count on, plus she gets to see her best friend a whole lot more. Real love can overcome jealousy and envy, if they selflessly work at the marriage, as you would have to in any marriage. A compassionately cherishing husband, who consistently compassionately cherishes his own wife, thus making her very secure with him, should be able to come to his compassionate and generous wife and ask her to thoughtfully consider such a controversial proposal as the following: "Darling, I'm very concerned about our Black sister who is struggling as a single mom and having a very hard time. I believe that the conditions in our own family would allow us to be of considerable help to her in her crisis. Please think about us accepting her and her kids as part of our family, with me as father-figure to her kids, with me as husband to her and her as concubine to me----with lifelong commitments for the sake of both her and her children." Of course this would follow the husband and wife having thoroughly discussing and considering the issue in general before any specific action is taken. It would take a very secure wife to share her husband, but compassion has moved people to heroic and selfless actions throughout history. The real needs of the fatherless children would be met. The real needs of an adult female would be met, who had been sexually loved and who may have a genuine sexual appetite with no one to meet it in a context of soul- bonding, commitment and genuine caring about her as a whole person. *You can never persuade me the single mother lifestyles described above are better than first, a one-honorable-man- one-wife loving and committed relationship; or second, (if there are no honorable unmarried men willing to commit and cherish) a one-honorable-man-one wife-one-concubine loving and committed relationship. My Black play-sister Elaine told me the easiest thing to get, for her as a Black female, is a hard dick and a panting male. I asked how easy it was to find a male who would commit maritally and honorably to her and her well being, for life. She got real quiet and acknowledged how rare it was to find such an honorable man. Given the choices of no sex, lesbianism, sex without commitment and polygyny, she said it was something to seriously consider. The "sister sororities" described above, where two or three Black "sisters"have gone in together on their housing, chores and common expenses, if they were wise enough to go into contract with each other for this joint effort, would do well to have a clause in such a contract to prevent conflict, rivalry, bitterness and jealousy if one of them meets an honorable man who is willing to commit to her. Ideally, if they have achieved that rare unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace in Christ Jesus, the one who becomes involved with an honorable man and moves with her to commitment, that one could at least ask her man of commitment to prayerfully consider bringing her "sorority sisters" into their union as concubines, exhibiting the same magnanimous Spirit that Solomon's "black as a raven" Shulamite exhibited including her sister-wives and concubines in the Bible's Song of Solomon. It is understood and admitted that such a kind, unselfish and generous Spirit is possible only in and by the Lord. The alternative is every "sister" being out for herself, the winner taking the spoils, and the losers becoming spinsters. I believe the Shulamite's way is the nobler, the more blessed, and the most beautiful in Love. *Since we, as humans, are basically selfish, most of us would not be inclined to participate in a polygynous marriage, especially today's modern woman. Most of the 40% of Black women who never marry don't want to marry unless they can have it their own way, which would not include sharing a husband. Broad is the way that leads to family self-destruction and many there be that go that way; but narrow is the way to family-salvation and a remnant few that are willing to do almost anything to save their children (especially their sons), their moral integrity and their feminine virtue will make the hard decisions necessary. Some will find other ways (support groups, counseling, a benevolent male friend) to be the firm but loving and supportive mothers they need to be, a few will be open to the polygyny option, whether Christian, Jew or Moslem. AND THEN THERE WAS THE REST OF THE STORY---- THE SONG OF SOLOMON >>The Shulamite "He should kiss me with the kisses of his mouth---- for your loving is better than wine! . . . . I am BLACK [AS A RAVEN], but lovely . . . because the sun has looked upon me. . . ." >>Solomon Behold, you are fair, my beloved companion! Behold, you are fair! You have dove's eyes. >>The Shulamite Behold, you are handsome, my beloved! Yes, pleasant! . . . . His left hand is under my head, And his right hand embraces me. . . . >>Solomon How fair is your loving, My sister, my spouse! How much better than wine is your loving, And the fragrance of your perfumes Than all spices! Your lips, O my spouse, Drip as the honeycomb; Honey and milk are under your tongue; And the fragrance of your garments Is like the fragrance of Lebanon. A garden* enclosed Is my sister, my spouse, . . . . >>The Shulamite My beloved should come to his garden* And eat its pleasant fruits. >>Solomon I have come to my garden*, my sister, my spouse . . . >> The Shulamite My beloved is WHITE AND RUDDY, Chief among ten thousand. His head is like the fines gold; His locks wavy, And BLACK [AS A RAVEN]. . . . >>Solomon How fair and how pleasant you are, O love, with your delights! This stature of yours is like a palm tree And your breasts like its clusters. I said 'I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of its branches.' Your breasts should be like clusters of the vine, The fragrance of your breath like apples, And the roof of your mouth like the best wine. >>The Shulamite I am my beloved's And his desire is toward me. Come, my beloved, We should get up early to the vineyards; There I will give you my loving. . . . His left hand is under my head, And his right hand embraces me. . . [Beloved], set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death, . . . . Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised. . . . I am a wall, And my breasts like towers; Then I became in his eyes As one who found peace. . . " Song of Solomon "Your fountain should be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, her breasts should satisfy you at all times; and always be intoxicated-orgasmic-enraptured with her loving. Proverbs 5:18,19 "Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart; For God has already accepted your works. Let your garments always be white, and let your head lack no oil. All the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun live joyfully with the wife whom you love, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun." Ecclesiastes 9:7,8,9 "Wives, [if you don't want to go along with something your husbands ask, and going along with them would not be morally wrong or spiritually an error, then deny yourselves and] submit [yourselves] to your own husbands, as [you often deny yourselves to submit yourselves] to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church . . . Husbands, unselfishly and compassionately cherish your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it . . . each one of you in particular should so unselfishly and compassionately cherish his own wife as himself, and the wife should see that she respects her husband [not because he is so respectable, but as an expression of Love for Jesus]."Ephesians 5:22-33 If you are not interested in files dealing with family relations, husband- wife relations, human suffering, racism, ethnocentrism, keeping one's word, swearing and oaths, the plight of the Black family and single mother, the struggle minors have with their sexuality, mixed marriages, polyandry vs. polygyny, angels and demons, pornography, tithing, divorce and remarriage, matchmaker resources, cherishing women, the keys to Loving unity, the importance of truth and prayer, the plight of the Christian concubine, then please read no further AND on the reply email simply put "drop from list" on the subject line. Thanks These cross cultural and culturally neutral files are designed for Judeo- Christian believers in the Bible, no matter what their race or nationality, (1) Who want to learn how to unselfishly and compassionately cherish their women; (2) Who have experienced divorce,to any degree, and are looking for Godly and Biblical Judeo-Christian solutions and guidance on how to see God redeem the experience; (3) Who want reassurance that indeed their color, their race, their nationality and/or their appearance -- has no significant negative impact or affect on their relationship with the incarnated, crucified, risen and soon-to-return Lord Jesus Christ, the Messiah of Israel, who condemns as sin bias, partiality, prejudice and bigottry; (4) Who wish a deeper understanding of God's will for and in their sexuality and any problems they might be having with their sexuality; (5) Who want more insight in joining Jesus and His angels in their warfare against the evil spiritual beings who are causing problems for mankind, including our loved ones; (6) Who want to know what they should do with their money and property; (7) Who want to know what they should do about the solemn promises in their lives; (8) Who want to realize, in their own home and fellowships, the blessed unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace in a fellowship of unselfish and compassionate cherishing of each other; (9) Who were called by Jesus in, or are considering polygynous relationships; and for those (7) Who came to the Lord as concubines and want to understand godly and Christian concubinage. The following files are available as explained below. Please request any by email that seem interesting or of use to you. All constructive and informative comments are welcome. The directions for locating these files on the web is at the end of this file. The aim of my Web page is to submit for your consideration, controversial and thought provoking files by a social activist and reformer on current subjects and issues from an Anthropological and Judeo-Christian perspective. If you are happy with our world's status quo then please read no further. These cross cultural files by a cultural anthropologist are an attempt to deal with real and contemporary life-issues within a Judeo-Christian context, no matter what the reader's marital status, culture, status, race or nationality might be. The only "culture" advocated and endorsed is the Judeo-Christian culture, no love here for the status quo. The ultimate authority accepted here is the God-breathed Word of God as found in the Old and New Testaments of the Holy Bible. These are the subjects/titles available: ¥ Abortion, Malicious Bias, & Genocide (abortion.txt) ¥ Angels, Demons & Spirits (AngelsDemonsSpirits.txt; YouAndAngels) ¥ Biblical Insights on Sex, Morality &Pornography (BiblcaLSexPornMorality) ¥ Black Families' Crisis (PlightOfBlkFem-Fam.txt; BlackFamResrcs+.txt; Black.Family.Resrcs) ¥ Camelot, a Tale of Tragic Love ( A_Camelot_Dedication.txt) ¥ Cherishing Your Women (CherishYourWomen1.txt) ¥ Christian Divorce (Divorce_Remarriage.txt; Divorce_&_Polygamy.html; Christian_Divorce.txt; Christian_Divorce) ¥ Christians and the Tithe ( ChristianTithe.txt ) ¥ Common Law &Informal Marriages (ComnlawInfrmlMarriage.txt) ¥ Crisis Resolution in the Unity of the Spirit (CrisisResolution.txt) ¥ Disciples and Their Suffering (Why_Disciples_Suffer.txt; WhyBelieversSuffer.html) ¥ Divorce & Remarriage (Divorce_Remarriage.txt; Divorce_&_Polygamy.html; Christian_Divorce.txt; Christian_Divorce) ¥ Easter Insights (Easter_Insights.txt; Easter_Insights) ¥ How and When to Marry (WhenHowMarry.txt) ¥ How to Survive Divorce (HowSurvive_Divorce.txt) ¥ Husband Wife Relations (HusbandWifeRelatnsMngny.txt; Husband.Wife.Relatns) ¥ Husbands Rule Wives? (HusbandRuleWife.txt) ¥ Interracial/Interethnic Marriage (InterracialEthncMarrg.txt; RacelessMarriage) ¥ Is Jesus Jehovah God? (IsJesusJehovahGod.txt) ¥ Keeping One's Word (KeepingOne'sWord.txt ) ¥ Keys to Loving Unity in Families and Fellowships (KeysMLovingUnity.txt; Keys4LovingUnity.txt) ¥ The "Let" command of 1 Corinthians 7:9 (Let_Command.txt ) ¥ Man's Need Of Woman (Man'sNeedOfWoman.txt; MenNeedWomen) ¥ The Marriage of the Godly Lasts Until Death Separates (Divorce_&_Polygamy.html) ¥ Marital Intimacy Manual for Contributors (MrtlIntmcyMn4Cntrs.txt) ¥ Matchmaker Resources (MatchmakerResrcsInt) ¥ Me In Christ, What Does It All Mean Really? (WhatIAmInChrist1.txt) ¥ Me In This World, Why? (Why_Me_&_This_World.txt; Why_Me_Now.txt; Why_Me_In_World.html) ¥ No Wedding Vows (NoWeddingVows.txt ) ¥ Oaths, Swearings, Promises (OathsSwrngsPrmss.txt; MarriageOaths) ¥ Plight Of the Black Family (PlightOfBlkFem-Fam.txt) ¥ Plight Of the Black Female (PlightOfBlkFem-Fam.txt) ¥ Power Of Female Beauty (PowrOfFemBeauty.txt) ¥ Prayers for Loved Ones (Prayers4LuvdOnes.txt) ¥ Prisoner Abuse (PrisonerAbuse.txt) ¥ Quotes On Polygyny (QuotesOnPolygyny.txt ) ¥ Racism, Nationalism and Bigotry (racsm.natnlsm.bigtry.txt) ¥ Safe sex, Fact or Myth? (safe_sex.txt) ¥ Seniors & Polygamy (senior_polygamy.txt) ¥ Sex and Dependent Singles ( Youths_Singles_Sex.txt; UnderageSexBurning.txt) ¥ Song Of Solomon Part1 (SongOfSolomonPt1.txt) ¥ Spiritual Warfare (Spiritual_Warfare.txt) ¥ The Suffering of the Innocent, (Why_Disciples_Suffer.txt; WhyBelieversSuffer.html) ¥ The Tithe & Christians (Tithe&Christians.txt) ¥ Truth vs Falsehoods (truth_vs_lies.txt) ¥ Underage Sexual Burning and 1 Corinth. 10:13 ( Youths_Singles_Sex.txt; UnderageSexBurning.txt) ¥ Unequal Yokes, Interfaith Marriages (UnequalYokes.txt) ¥ Unplanned Polygyny, a Trail of Tears (UnplannedPolygyny2.Txt) ¥ Wedding Covenants (WeddingCovenants.txt) ¥ Who is Tyler? (WhoLTyler.txt) ¥ Why Only One Husband? (WhyOnly1Husbnd.txt) ¥ Why Do "Good" People Suffer? (Why_Disciples_Suffer.txt; WhyBelieversSuffer.html) ¥ Why Would a Wife Share Her Husband? (WhyWifeShreHsbnd.txt) ¥ Polygamy Resources ( PolyResources2.txt) ¥ Polygamy, Divorce & Remarriage (Divorce_&_Polygamy.html; Divorce_and_PolygamyPt1.html; Divorce_and_PolygamyPt2.html; Divorce+PolygamyPt1.txt; Divorce+PolygamyPt2.txt) ¥ Polygamy and Christians Today (ChristianPolyToday.txt ) ¥ Polygamy and Concubines in the Bible (PolygamyConcubines.txt) ¥ Polygamy and the Law (Legal_Polygamy.txt) ¥ Polygamy and the Reformation (reformationpoly.txt) ¥ Polygamy in a Nutshell (minipoly.txt, Polygyny_core.txt; polyamory_unknown.html ) ¥ Polygamy, Traditional Criticisms (objections2poly.txt) ¥ Polygamy's Transition from Old Testament to New Testament times (Ot2NtDivRemPoly.txt) ¥ Polygamy, Morality and Pornography (PolyMoralityPorn76.txt; polyandry) ¥ Polygamy's/Polygyny's Scriptures and Contexts (PolyScripsQuotes.txt; PolygynyInScrips; Biblical_polygamy.html) ¥ Polygynous Families: Keys to Loving Unity in Polygyny ( KeysLovingUnity; Keys2LovingUnity.html) These files are available at: Tyler, at oldservant@mindspring.com or oldservant@planetall.com or 0953@geocities.com http://www.etext.info/Religious.Texts/Polyamory http://www.etext.info/Religious.texts/Polyamory ftp: www.etext.info; User: Anonymous; Password: Your email add http://www.mindspring.com/users/~oldservant http://www.mindspring.com/~oldservant/ ftp.mindspring.com; User: Anonymous; Password: your email address; Directory: /users/oldservant http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Troy/6916/ PLEASE DON'T BUY PRODUCTS MADE IN CHINA BECAUSE (1) THEY SYSTEMATICALLY TORTURE AND KILL BORN-AGAIN BELIEVERS IN CHRIST FOR THEIR FAITH, (2) THEY SYSTEMATICALLY EXECUTE PRISONERS FOR NON CAPTIAL CRIMES TO HARVEST THEIR BODY ORGANS FOR SALE ABROAD, (3) THEY FORCE MOTHERS/FAMILIES TO ABORT ALL OF THEIR UNBORN INFANTS EXCEPT FOR ONE PER FAMILY, AND FEMALE UNBORN INFANTS ARE THE MOST COMMON VICTIMS. PLEASE DON'T BUY PRODUCTS MADE IN SUDAN, ESPECIALLY BY NOT BUYING SOFT DRINKS AND JUICE DRINKS THAT CONTAIN ESTER GUM ROSIN OR ESTER OF WOOD ROSIN, BECAUSE THEY ARE SYSTEMATICALLY TORTURING, RAPING, ENSLAVING AND KILLING SUDANESE BELIEVERS IN CHRIST SOLELY BECAUSE OF THEIR FAITH. Want to help? go to www.fitw.com. PLEASE DON'T BUY DISNEY AND DISNEYLAND PRODUCTS AND FACILITIES BECAUSE OF THE ANTICHRISTIAN AND ANTIGOD PRODUCTS, SHOWS AND MOVIES THEY ARE PUTTING OUT NOW. OTHER RESOURCES http://home.sn.no/~cwarren Use WebCrawler etc. to find "Christian Polygamy" on the Webb. http://pages.prodigy.com/polyg/seminary.htm This website on polygamy is found at http://pages.prodigy.com/polyg/index.htm This website is located at http://www.netcom.com/~polyg/index.html Use your ftp gopher for :gopher.etext.info/Religious/Polyamory http://www.netcom.com/%7Epolyg/index.html http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/Hezekiah/Biblpoly.ht m http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/Hezekiah/Poly- pos.htm http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/Hezekiah/Polylink.ht m You may find John/Ian Seminary webpage at http://pages.prodigy.com/polyg/seminary.htm This website on polygamy is found at http://pages.prodigy.com/polyg/index.htm This website is located at http://www.netcom.com/~polyg/index.html http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/Hezekiah/polyga my.html http://www.netcom.com/~polyg/index.html http://bfree.org email: cwarren@sn.no (Christopher C. Warren) ht@bfree.org and bfree@bfree.org ( S. John Butt) polyg@ix.netcom.com (John Ben David, M.Div.) 101733.613@compuserve.com or Hezekiah@compuserve.com (Sam Chapman) Lanove@aol.com/ Lanove Homepage /Web Searchers (Mormon and Moslem)