TITLE: DIVORCE, REMARRIAGE, CONSEQUENCES, & JESUS; Another Look for Christians at Adultery, Wedding Vows, Concubines, Polygyny, Covenants and Marriage. COPYRIGHT © JANUARY 14, 1995 All rights reserved. Copyright © 01/14/'95; 01/12/Õ96 (Revised) This file, in its entirety, may be posted on or copied off of computer networks like Internet or WWW by anyone so inclined. By L. Tyler P.O. Box 620763, SanDiego, CA 92162- 0763 oldservant@mindspring.com or oldservant@planetall.com or 0953@geocities.com This work is dedicated with love and honor to Carol Lynn McIntyre of Camelot ('49), Beverly Landers Tyler('52), Keith Adams, Diane Tava Lovelady, Lua Nguyen, Marilyn Tyler ('49) and Paula Dugas. It is also dedicated to all those who have suffered through divorce and the complexities of remarriage, I. INTRODUCTION: PRIORITIES RECONSIDERED This study is the result of my own marital experience where I was divorced from my wife and both of us claimed sincerely and earnestly that we were born again believers in the Lord Jesus Christ. I was faced with the question, "What does a Christian do about his/her need to marry when in a divorced- from-one and wanting-to- marrry-another situation, and he believes that he/she and the Christian exmate are bound to each other maritally by the Lord until death parts them?" Or ---- "What does a Christian do in a divorced-from-one and remarried-to-another situation, and he/she believes that he/she and the Christian exmate are bound to each other maritally by the Lord until death parts them?" And the moral question: "Is it adultery or is it something else?" Our relationships with our mates and our children are second in importance and emotional intensity only to our relationship with Jesus. In San Diego's Union- Tribune several months ('95) ago they reported on a study of the effects of divorce that involved thousands and lasted over 20 years. The social scientists screened the participants so that they had two groups that basically differed as follows, one whose parents had divorced or separated and the other group whose parents did not divorce or separate. They found that the average life expectancy was five years longer for the group whose parents did not divorce. Divorce made a five year difference in the life expectancy of the two groups. Dr. Griffith Banning conducted a study of 800 Canadian children. It was reported that their parents' divorce, death or separation, resulting in the children's felt lack of love and affection, did greater damage to their growth and development than disease and all other factors combined.>a [>a Love, by Leo Buscaglia, Fawcett Crest, NY,1972,p.78 What we do with our marital relationships has a profound effect not only on us, but on our children, for a lifetime. We already know that a divorce, statistically, usually results in serious health problems ranging from ulcers and cardiovascular problems to hormonal and emotional problems. Divorce can devastate us and our loved ones. How can we afford to let our marriages, which Jesus intended to arenas filled with love and testimonies of His life changing all-sufficiency, become instead arenas of suffering, bitterness and hatred --- trophies for the enemy of our souls? Yet look at the relationship most of us have with our loved ones and our God. Most of us live our lives devoid of the life changing power and compassionate cherishing of our living and reigning God. Most of us are falling short of compassionately cherishing our mates and children. We wonder why we donÕt see the power of God in our lives. Yet how can Jesus bless us miraculously and and powerfully intervene in our lives when we have let ourselves become so entangled in the cares and affairs of our daily lives that the Spirit in us is chocked and rendered fruitless. It is not just a matter of seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, which most of us fall short of by letting TV or other personal pleasures rob us of the time we could spend with Jesus. It goes even beyond that. For many of us the question is , ÒWhy is our relationship with our living and powerful God so lifeless and embarrassingly weak?Ó ÒWhy is there such a great discrepancy between the the life changing power of God we believe in, and the disastisfying mediocrity and ineffectiveness of most of our lives?Ó We know that if we walk in His will and do those things that are pleasing in His sight, He hears our prayers and supernaturally intervenes in our lives (1Jn3:21-24; 5:14,15), so when we fail to walk in His will and fail to do those things that are pleasing to Him we should not be surprised at the spiritually impotent lives and testimonies we have. What a tragedy to lose the battle for the souls of our children and loved ones because we stuck with bad or foolish choices. Specifically with this study I try to discover and share what I understand to be His will for us maritally. I try to show that an adulterous marriage, an adulterous remarriage, and or an adulterous divorce can gut our walk in the power of our God, leaving us with an impotent and sterile life and testimony that is bad enough in and of itself; but when you add the chastening of our God to an impotent and sterile life, it can be enough to break your heart and spirit. But isnÕt that why He sends the chastening of weakness and sickness (1 Cor. 11) or the chastening of poverty, strife, diseases and animal attacks (Ezek 14) ---- to break our stiff necks and hard hearts so He, as the potter, can remake us in our confession and repentance? Are you experiencing this chastening? Do you think it might be due to an ungodly divorce or marriage? Do you wonder what you should do about it? Please read this study. This study is written as a wake up call to Christians who have fallen into marriages, divorces and remarriages that are contrary to the will of God and now want to know what they should do. A child of God wants to do the will of God (1Jn2:3,4,5).We know that our God has told us in 1 Pet. 3 that if we fail to live wisely with our wives, our prayers will be hindered. He has told us that in Isaiah 59:1,2 that he wont hear our prayers if we fall into disobedience and fail to be Ambassadors of His Love. This study is for the person who is not sure about the will of God facing a divorce, marriage or remarriage. This study is for the divorced, the married and the remarried who find themselves in a situation that neither affords them the peace nor the joy of the God who longs to fill their lives with both. Hopefully this study will be used of God to shed some light on those heartbreaking and unfulfilling situations. Please hear the Word in this study, and be brave in the Lord to do His will, no matter what the cost. Dear reader, I exhort you to test, try, prove, examine, scrutinize and check against the Word every idea or concept in this document that seems questionable, doubtful or radical. Stay with what you understand the Word to say. What you will read is where I have arrived in the quest for His will. It is very controversial and I believe it is controversial because I came to this quest as a scholar, an anthro- pologist and a child of God who earnestly wants to know his Father's will. So "Here I stand!" ---- until further enlightenment from the Father. This study is based on the understanding of the Word of God that a godly marriage of two godly people is for life, and that they are bound by God to each other maritally until death dissolves the marriage. It is an attempt to catch the mind of the God who hates divorce and who hates the breaking of wedding covenants. It is an attempt to understand the marital will of the God who doesnÕt want us to be foolish vow breaking fools in whom he has no pleasure. This document is written from a "Christian", fundamental, evangelical, dispensationalist, etc. point of view for those who understand that point of view. The followers, or disciples, of Jesus Christ are called "Christians", and for them loving obedience to their Lord and King is the paramount issue in all matters of human life. What does "Christian" mean? Who is the God of one who is called a "Christian"? Jesus is God revealed in the flesh-blood-bone body, God's only incarnate Son, physically begotten of the virgin Mary, God's Mediator of the New Covenant, Savior and Redeemer of all who obediently believe, King of Kings, Lord of all soon to return visibly, Creator of all things that have ever existed (including Michael, Lucifer, Satan, Gabriel), and Judge of all humans soon to return visibly in His resurrected flesh and bone body. What is a "Christian"? Without controversy the Word is clear that we are saved and born again Spiritually as a result of the following: (1) His unearned compassion He had for us even before we know Him, which compassion moved Him to give His only begotten Son to bear our sins and die in our place. (2) His enlightening us about who He is, convincing us of our sins and His righteous judgment of sin, and constraining us to accept Him while we are still spiritually dead in our sins. [John 1:9,12; 16:7-11] (3) His giving us the gift of belief/faith in God (revealed as Jesus Christ, His miraculous birth, His holy life, His undeserved and substitutionary death, and His resurrection demonstrating His victory over death and sin) in spite of our spiritual blindness and death [James 1:17] (4) Our willingness >1 to accept and use His gift of belief is met with His enabling >2 us to have and exercise genuine faith in Him as our King, God and Savior in every area of our life. [>1 2 Corinth. 8.; >2 Phil. 2:13; 4:13.] (5) Since all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags there is no work or deed that we can do to earn GodÕs salvation. Our part is to genuinely believe in, accept and submit to His gracious gift in Jesus Christ. Okay, so that is what a Christian is . WhatÕs next? I believe that it is obvious that a Christian should not lean to his own understanding>3 and should not just do that which seems right to himself>4. I believe that those who are born of God are led by the Spirit of God Spiritually>5 and by the Word>6 I believe that the believer must acknowledge Christ's Lordship in every area of his/her life for Christ to be the real and actual LORD/KING of that believer>7. I agree with the Bible that a Christian's obedience is his birthmark, the vital and critical proof of having been truly born again of God>8 . Besides all of that, Jesus said that if I loved Him, I would obey Him, showing my love by my obedience>9 so of course I want to show my love for Him and show proof of my rebirth in Him by obeying Him. [Footnotes:>3 Prov. 3:5,6; >4 Prov. 16:24; >5 Romans 8:13,14.; >6 Psalm 119:9,11,24,32,72,89, 93,101, 104,105 ,166,167; >7 Prov. 3:5,6; Romans 12:1,2; 1 Cor. 6:19, 20 etc; >8 (1John 2:3,4,5; 3:10, 24; 5:2,3; Hebrews 5:8,9); >9 (John 14:15,21).] Yes, I realize that obeying Him is not necessarily obeying Christian leaders and teachers because if they teach the traditions and commandments of men>10 instead of or along with the commandments and traditions of God, they make the Way of God null, void and ineffective. Yes, I know that God can use godly men and Christian leaders/teachers to show us His Way>11 but surely it is our responsibility to be like the Bereans>12, testing-trying-examining- scrutinizing>13 all of their teachings and leadership to see if it conforms to the Word of God, holding fast to what we find to be true/good. We need to diligently search the Word to find the will of God, especially in the matter of controversial and questionable things. [Footnotes:>10 (Matthew 15:1-9; Mark 7:1-15); >11 (Hebrews 13:7; >12 of Acts 17:11.31; >13 1 John4:1-4 and 1 Thess. 5:21.] Finally, why does God allow us to experience such heart breaking and soul-rending experiences as those that accompany divorce, separation, and adultery? Please consider the point about 1 Cor. 10:13. He doesn't allow you to be tried more than you can bear, because you are stronger, have a better understanding of spiritual warfare and a deeper faith, the trials will be greater--but never more than you can bear. Consider the trials of John the Baptist and all the apostles except John. They all died violent deaths at the hands of those who hate them, but never more than they could bear. An exercise is no exercise if it doesn't challenge you at the point where you have to strain and go aerobic, sometimes painful. The same with "spiritual" muscles, the trial has to produce stress, strain and even pain for you to become stronger, more capable, more useful and fruitful. The fruitful vine looks terrible when it is pruned, and it would feel terrible if it could feel, but because it is pruned it has the potential of being more fruitful, and I know you want more fruit of the Spirit in your life. I know that you want to compassionately cherish God and others even more than you do now, and that's how you get there. This life is boot camp and the war, which, thank God, is shortened for our sakes. Our resurrected life with Jesus Christ is worth the struggle. To rule the earth with Him enthroned in Jerusalem for a 1000 years (Rev. 20: 2-7), to walk around as His agents enabled to raise the dead, open the eyes of the blind, to bind up the broken limbs and hearts, to counsel the broken hearted with wisdom inspired of God, to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to teach in power the lost how they can be found etc etc etc etc. I can hardly wait! Please consider attending a Christian divorce/grief recovery support group. You are still deeply grieving inside over your ex and those "saints" that so deeply and carnally broke your heart. I know that I desperately needed and greatly benefited from the free one I attended at Del Cerro So. Bapt. Church. It was critical in my recovery and in my readiness to be healed and in my learning how and where I needed to grow, to forgive my ex, and to prepare my heart for my next. Most denominations have free support groups that are usually extremely helpful, it taught by qualified staff and anointed of the Lord. Please call around for times and places and pray about attending and let the Lord minister to you through the saints. But why does He allow us to suffer, to grieve so deeply and have hearts so broken than you can feel the pain throughout your chest? Here are some reasons that I have become aware of and they are all for our good. Please consider them and, in each, ask if its goal was accomplished in your life. WE HAVE SUFFERED ---- 1. So that we can know that we belong to Christ. 2 Tim 3:12; 1 Pet. 2:19,20; Mat. 13:21,22,23 2. Because we are followers of Christ. John 15:19,20 3. So that evil doers will not come to God just to escape from Hell and suffering in this life. He wants sinners to come to Him because they love Him who first loved them, not because they forgot to join the Noah's Ark Club. Noah's flood + Rev. 21:27 4. So that we wont miss (be homesick, want to look/go back like Lot's wife did) this social system when we are in Heaven or ruling with Christ. To love the world's social system is to be God's enemy. 1 John 2:15; Heb. 11:l3- 19. 5. So that we can know how and why to choose- between the good and the evil. Deut. 30:15-20 6. Because of our own sins. 1 Cor. 5 and 1 Cor. 11:30- 32; Hebrews 12. 7. To cause us to learn to be humble. 2 Cor. 12:7-10 8. To caution us against arrogant or ignorant presumption in our prayers and to exhibit to us His all-sufficiency in the affairs of our personal lives. 2 Cor.12: 7-10; Rom5:3,4 9. To learn and acquire patience, experience and hope in the compassionate cherishing of God. Rom. 5:3,4 10. Because of His Name- Because of His Truth - Because of His Life - Because of the shining Light of His Truth, an honor to be counted worthy of suffering with and for Him if God permits. Acts 5:41; Rom 8:17 11. So that we may have the honor of being glorified together with Him. Rom. 8:17 12. So that we may be perfected, completed, and matured. Heb. 2:10; 1 Pet. 5:10 13. So that we may learn to Love Jesus and His Way enough to obey Him even when it hurts. Heb. 5:8,9; Psalm 15:4 14. So that we may be established, strengthened and settled in Christ. 1 Peter 5:10 15. Because they hated and killed Jesus they will hate and try to kill the Jesus in us. Lk. 6:22; John 15:18,19 16. To end the cycle of hate and violence in our lives at us, we being shock absorbers for the evil around us, so that it will stop at us and we will learn not to pass it on. He has called us to turn the cheek, go the second mile and bless and pray for those who curse and abuse us. Matt. 5; Luke 6; Romans 12; 1 Cor. 6 17. So that our enduring and genuine faith may bring praise, honor and glory at His appearing in the presence of all the angels, demons, cherubim, seraphim and those with Christ. 1 Pet. 1:7 18. So that we could experience God's solutions and faithfulness and comfort for our griefs and trials so we will have learned how to share His comforting solutions with the others He leads us to who are experiencing similar grievous trials. It is preparation for ministry now and in the 1000 year reign of Christ on earth. 2 Cor. 1:3-5 ; Revelation20:1-6 II. DIVORCE! A PLAGUE AND ITS CONSEQUENCES . St. Augustine (4th Cent AD) had a powerful way of stating the permanent nature of the marriage of two who married after being born again, lovingly obedient to Jesus and fruitful in the Spirit--- ÒTo such a degree is that marriage compact entered upon a matter of a certain sacrament, that it is not made void even by separation itself, since, so long as her husband lives, even by whom she hath been left, she commits adultery, in case she be married to another: and he who hath left her, is the cause of this evil. . . Seeing that the compact of marriage is not done away by divorce intervening; so that they continue wedded persons one to another, even after separation; and commit adultery with those, with whom they shall be joined, even after their own divorce, either the woman with a man, or the man with a woman. . . But a marriage once for all entered upon in the City of our god>14, where, even from the first union of the two, the man and the woman, marriage bears a certain sacramental character, can no way be dissolved but by the death of one of them. . . Therefore the good of marriage throughout all nations and all men stands in the occasion of begetting, and faith of chastity: but, so far as pertains unto the People of God, also in the sanctity of the sacrament, by reason of which it is unlawful for one who leaves her husband, even when she has been put away, to be married to another, so long as her husband lives, no not even for the sake of bearing children: . . . not even where that very thing, wherefore it takes place, follows not, is the marriage bond loosed, save by the death of the husband or wife.Ó>15 [Footnotes:>14 This footnote mark etc. is not St. Augustine's or Arthur Haddan's. I insert it just in case the reader is not aware of the fact that all marriages between real saints take place "in the City of our god" not according to St. Augustine, but according the the Holy Spirit in Hebrews 11:10,13-19, where they are already seated with Christ in the Heavenlies according to Eph. 1 & 2. >15 St. Augustin: On The Trinity; pp. 402, 406, 412.] In Matt. 5 Jesus made it plain divorce was permitted for the hardness of human hearts and Malachi 2 makes it plain that God hates the treacherous breaking of marital covenants that results in divorce. In Matt. 5 Jesus permits the husband to divorce his wife is she is guilty of fornication, but does not command it. There is no command to divorce one's mate for fornication, but after Acts 1 there is the command to separate (not divorce) yourself from a saved mate who is snared in sexual sin>16. Before Acts 1 Jesus allowed divorce for the hardness of hearts >17. The compassionate heart of the Spirit filled Christian would respond to a mate's fornication according to the Word>18. . The goal of such compassion for one's mate snared in sexual sin would be the goal of godly sorrow described in the following:2 Cor. 7 and 1 Corinthians 5:5 . . . deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction [ruin , damage] of the flesh, so that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. [Footnotes:>16. 1 Cor. 5:9-11; 2 Thes. 3:6-14; 1 Tim. 6:1-5; 2 Tim. 3:1-5; >17. Mat. 19:6-9; >18. 1 Corinth. 5:5-11; Matthew 18:15-18; Gal. 6:1; John 8: 1- 10; 1 Tim. 5:20,21; 2 Th. 3:6-14] MKJV 2 CORINTHIANS 2: 5 ¦ 6 This punishment by the majority [is] enough for such a one; 7 so that, on the contrary, you should rather forgive and comfort [him], lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overwhelming sorrow. 8 So I beseech you to confirm [your] love toward him. 9 For to this end I also wrote, that I might know the proof of you, whether you are obedient in all things. 10 But to whom you forgive anything, I also [forgive]. For if I forgave anything, for your sakes I forgave [it] to him in the person of Christ; 11 so that we should not be overreached by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his devices. MKJV 2 CORINTHIANS 7: 8 For even if I grieved you in the letter, I do not regret; if indeed I did regret; for I see that that letter grieved you for an hour. 9 Now I rejoice, not that you were grieved, but that you grieved to repentance. For you were grieved according to God, so that you might suffer loss by nothing in us. 10 For the grief according to God works repentance to salvation, not to be regretted, but the grief of the world works out death. 11 For behold this same thing (you being grieved according to God); how much it worked out earnestness in you; but [also] defense; but [also] indignation; but [also] fear; but [also] desire; but [also] zeal; but [also] vengeance! In everything you approved yourselves to be clear in the matter. 12 ¦ Then, though I wrote to you, [it was] not on account of the one who did wrong, nor on account of the one who suffered wrong, but for the sake of revealing our earnestness on your behalf, for you before God. Even though Jesus apparently allows a genuinely believing husband to divorce his wife snared in adultery and then go ahead and remarry, I wouldn't want to stand before the judgment seat of Christ and tell the God of Love I divorced my wife for fornication because of the hardness of my heart. The motivation of a hardened heart doesn't square with Eph. 4 or I Cor. 13 or Romans 15. MKJV EPHES. 4: 15 But that you, speaking the truth in love, may in all things grow up to Him who is the Head, [even] Christ; . . 25 Therefore putting away lying, let each man speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. 26 Be angry, and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down upon your wrath, 27 neither give place to the Devil. . . . 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you are sealed until [the] day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and tumult and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you. 1 CORINTH. 13: 4 ¦ Compassionate cherishing has patience, is kind; compassionate cherishing is not envious, is not vain, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave indecently, does not seek its own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil. 6 Charity does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth, 7 quietly covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 ¦ Compassionate cherishing never fails. MKJV ROMANS 15: 1 ¦ Then we who are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves. 2 Let every one of us please [his] neighbor for [his] good, to building up. 3 For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, "The reproaches of those who reproached You fell on Me." 4 For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, so that we through patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope. 5 ¦ And may the God of patience and consolation grant you to be like minded toward one another according to Christ Jesus, 6 so that with one mind [and] one mouth you may glorify God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 7 ¦ Therefore receive one another as Christ also received us, to [the] glory of God. Being forgiven by God for sins worthy of death (Rom. 1) how can we not forgive our mate if he/she falls in adultery and then repents? How can we say anything besides "Go on with your life and sin no more!">19 if the Godly repentance described in the following is evident? That's the example He left for us (1Pet.2:20,21). There is no greater Love than to lay down and deny your life/will for another's good. [>19. John 8:1-10.] MKJV 2 CORINTHIANS 7: 8 For even if I grieved you in the letter, I do not regret; if indeed I did regret; for I see that that letter grieved you for an hour. 9 Now I rejoice, not that you were grieved, but that you grieved to repentance. For you were grieved according to God, so that you might suffer loss by nothing in us.10 For the grief according to God works repentance to salvation, not to be regretted, but the grief of the world works out death. 11 For behold this same thing (you being grieved according to God); how much it worked out earnestness in you; but [also] defense; but [also] indignation; but [also] fear; but [also] desire; but [also] zeal; but [also] vengeance! In everything you approved yourselves to be clear in the matter. MKJV 2 CORINTHIANS 2: 6 This punishment by the majority [is] enough for such a one; 7 so that, on the contrary, you should rather forgive and comfort [him], lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overwhelming sorrow. 8 So I beseech you to confirm [your] love toward him. 9 For to this end I also wrote, that I might know the proof of you, whether you are obedient in all things. 10 But to whom you forgive anything, I also [forgive]. For if I forgave anything, for your sakes I forgave [it] to him in the person of Christ; 11 so that we should not be overreached by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his devices. When I have approached Christian leaders here in my area, most of them fall back on a rationalization of scripture to defend or at least conform to the worldly norms of separation/divorce/ remarriage in contemporary society. So they accept divorces, where those put together by God are put apart by man, and remarry "believers" who have been divorced or separated from "believers". They are sincerely and earnestly concerned about stumbling the weak and are reluctant to ask of the saints what seems to the world's eyes to be impossible for many saints, to accept the Word that genuine believers are bound maritally as long as both live. The particular case in point is the situation caused by the plague of divorce among Christians. I understand the following scriptures to indicate that genuine believers in the Lord Jesus Christ who were free to marry each other in the Lord and did marry each other are bound maritally to each other as long as both live ------- 1 CORINTH. 7:10* ¦ And to the married I command (not I, but the Lord), a woman not to be separated from [her] husband. 11* But if she is indeed separated, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband. And a husband is not to leave [his] wife. 12 But to the rest I speak, not the Lord, If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is pleased to dwell with him, do not let him put her away. 13 And the woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is pleased to dwell with her, do not let her leave him. . . .15 But if the unbelieving one separates, let [them] be separated. A brother or a sister is not in bondage in such [cases], but God has called us in peace. 39* ¦ The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives, but if her husband is dead, she is at liberty to be remarried to whom she will, only in the Lord. MKJV ROMANS 7: 2* For the married woman was bound by law to the living husband. But if the husband is dead, she is set free from the law of [her] husband. 3* So then [if], while [her] husband lives, she is married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress. But if the husband dies, she is free from the law, [so that] she is no adulteress by becoming another man's wife. MKJV MARK 10: 6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. 7 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife. 8 And the two of them shall be one flesh. So then they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man put apart. . . . 11 And He said to them, Whoever shall put away his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman shall put away her husband and marries to another, she commits adultery. I believe they state that a Spiritually reborn man and a Spiritually reborn woman who are free to marry each other in the Lord and do marry each other are bound to each other by the Word of the Lord as long as both their bodies are alive. What is the case in the Bible? Gen. 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.>20. There are three acts described here: [Footnote>.(20. The Holy Scriptures According to the Masoretic Text] (1) From the following it is clear that it means leaving the parents' presence, authority and control; MKJV PSALM 45:10 ¦ Listen, O daughter, and look; and bow down your ear; and forget your own people and your father's house. 11 And cause the King greatly to desire your beauty, for He [is] your Lord, and you shall worship Him. . . . 13 The king's daughter [is] all glorious within; her clothing [is] trimmed with gold. . . . 16 Your sons shall be in the place of your fathers; you will make them princes in all the land. 17 I will make Your name to be remembered in all generations; therefore the people shall praise You forever and ever. (2) Cleaving is the act of the will making marital covenants and vows that bind them maritally before God>21; [Footnote:>21 Ezekisl 16:7,8; Malachi 2; Matt. 1:18-25 where Mary and Joseph are declared to be husband and wife even before the actual wedding and cohabitation. "Cleave" in the Hebrew means "cling or adhere; . . . abide fast, cleave (fast together), follow close (hard after), be joined (together), keep (fast), overtake, pursue hard, stick, take." (Strong''s Exhaustive Concordance.) J. Thayer's Greek-English Lexicon says it means "to glue upon, glue to" ] (3) Becoming one flesh is the sexual act of coitis or sexual penetratio and one can become one flesh with one's wife or with an adulteress or with a harlot>22. Becoming one flesh is not what makes a relationship a marriage. For the permanence of the relationship of marriage the focus is on the word "cleave" which in the Hebrew means "cling or adhere; . . . abide fast, cleave (fast together), follow close (hard after), be joined (together), keep (fast), overtake, pursue hard, stick, take.">23. Thayer says it means "to glue upon, glue to">24. If God commands the husband to conduct himself as if he were being joined together with her, clinging, adhering, cleaving and glued to her in this manner towards his wife, then he had better do it if he wants a good future with God, because to disobey would be death>25 . Being under this command would certainly bind a man to his wife as long as both lived. [Footnotes:>22 1 Cor. 6:13-20; >23. Strong''s Exhaustive Concordance; >24. Greek English Lexicon of the New Testament; Joseph Henry Thayer, D.D.; American Book Co., New York, 1889; >25 Rom. 6:23; 1:31,32; Malachi 2:14-17.] The Jewish Septuagint (third century B.C.) for Gen. 2:24 uses the same word for "cleave" that Jesus uses in Matt. 19:5. The word used for cleave in the LXX's Gen. 2:24 and Jesus' Matt. 19:5 means the following: 1. According to Thayer --- "to join one's self to closely, cleave to, stick to"; and 2. According to Arndt & Gingrich ---"adhere closely to, be faithfully devoted to, join tini someone". The Greek tense in both is future indicative passive which means that this is what they shall have themselves doing in the future on a regular basis. Some say that it is not a command. Jesus seems to differ with them both in Malachi 2, where He says the husband who breaks his marital agreement with his wife is under His wrath, and in Matt 19:6 where Jesus says "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, man must not separate." It is the marital commitments and covenants between the husband and wife that is the glue that binds them, and it is the solemn and disciplined honoring of those commitments that reinforces and maintins that glued bond that binds them. Every legal>26 and moral>27 marriage of two who are morally free in Christ to marry is ordained or allowed by God and takes place under His control>b, so indeed God has joined them, based on the truth of the following: [Footnote: >26 Legal= recognized and accepted as legal by one's culture and law enforcers Rom. 13; 1 Pet. 2:13-17; >27 moral= free from all others maritally and free in the Lord's kingdom to marry according to His Word. >b Eph. 1:11; Rom. 8:28] MKJV Romans 8: 27 And He searching the hearts knows what [is] the mind of the Spirit, because He makes intercession for the saints according to [the will of] God. 28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to [His] purpose. MKJV ROMANS 13: 1 ¦ Let every soul be subject to the higher authorities. For there is no authority but of God; the authorities that exist are ordained by God. 2 So that the one resisting the authority resists the ordinance of God . . . MKJV Ephes. 1:10. . . to head up all things in Christ, both the things in Heaven, and the things on earth, [even] in Him, 11 in whom also we have been chosen to an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His own will, . . . That's why we can trust God that we are to remain married to the person we are married to when we are saved. He gave Adam his Eve, and if you are His child, He worked in you to want to marry your mate>c, He lead you to marry your mate>d, and He worked all things so that you did marry you mate>e. So you can understand why 1 Cor. 7 speaks of the binding nature of marriage. [>c Phil. 2:12,13; Heb.13:20,21. >d Romans 8:9,14; Acts 16:6,7; Isa. 30:21. >e Eph. 1:11; Rom. 8:28; Mt. 10:29; Prov. 16:1,9; Isa. 46:9-13; Neh. 9:6] MKJV 1 CORINTHIANS 7:17 ¦ But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all churches. 18 [Was] any called having been circumcised? Do not be uncircumcised. Was anyone called in uncircumcision? Do not be circumcised. . . . 20 Let each one remain in the calling in which he was called. 21 Were you called as a slave? It does not matter to you, but if you are able to become free, use [it] rather. . . . 24 Each in whatever way he was called, brothers, in this remain with God. So Jesus makes binding>28 the cleaving >29 and the one flesh experience that we know as marriage. Since the only terms of divorce are given in Deut 24:1-4 (which were superseded by Matt. 19:1-15 and 1 Cor. 7:10-15,39), it is clear that marriage is a life long relationship based on the covenants of the couple and on God's command not to be put asunder or put asunder the relationship. Rather than abide by this believers-married-for-life principle, most Christian churches/ pastors today are telling their divorced and divorcing communicants that they should forget the things that have happened in the past trusting God's forgiveness to cover it all and press on into the future with their new mates and lives. [Footnotes:>28 (Mt. 19:6); >29 (Mt. 19:5) ] They say it would do more harm than good to tell Christian mates that they need to leave their new mates, married in adultery, and new kids and go back to the Christian mates they divorced contrary to the Word>f. I believe that we are to live by every Word of God, and not by unscriptural traditions of men that put asunder what God said must not be put asunder, that tell couples they are loosed from each other when God says they are bound for life>30 . How dare we say "You are loosed" when God Himself says she is "bound as long as her husband lives"? [Footnotes:>f in 1 Corinth. 7; Romans 7 and Mark 10 >30 (Matt. 19:5; Rom. 7:1-5; 1 Cor. 7:10,11,39)] What are the responsibilities of still being bound to someone when you have loosed yourself according to human law but remain bound according to the Law of Christ? Wouldn't they be responsible for parenting both their children by the mates to whom they are bound by the Lord, as well as their children by their adulterous>31 new marriage. Wouldn't they be responsible for keeping whatever promises they made and can keep in the Lord--that they made to their mates in the Lord and to their mates in adultery>32 ? They can't keep their adulterous promises of marital intimacy with their adulterous mates, but they can keep the promise to AgapŽ Love them, cherish them, honor and respect them, pray and fast earnestly and fervently for them, and clothe and feed them if they are destitute and in need. Jesus instructs us to do these things even to our enemies>g. There is no question that they are responsible for the parenting, provision and care of any children by their adultery, as God and man's law allow(Eph. 6; 1 Tim. 5:8; Heb. 12; 1Jn.3:16,17). [Footnotes:>31. Mark 10:11,12; >32 (Psalm 15:4; Ezek. 17:15;Eccles.5:1-7) >g Luke 6; Mt 5; Isa. 59; 1 tim. 2; James 2; 1 Peter 2,3,4] I submit that the commandment of God in Romans 7:1-3 and the following passage below (binding the saved husband to his saved wife until death separates them) is laid aside to hold manÕs tradition, making of no effect the Word of God.: MKJV MARK 10:6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. 7 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife. 8 And the two of them shall be one flesh. So then they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man put apart. . . . 11 And He said to them, Whoever shall put away his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman shall put away her husband and marries to another, she commits adultery. MKJV 1 CORINTH. 7: 4 The wife does not have authority over [her] own body, but the husband. And likewise also the husband does not have power [over his] own body, but the wife. 5 Do not deprive one another, unless [it is] with consent for a time, so that you may [give yourselves to] fasting and prayer. And come together again so that Satan does not tempt you for your incontinence. . . . 7 For I would that all men were even as I myself am. But each has his proper gift from God, one according to this manner and another according to that. 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and the widows, It is good for them if they remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have self- control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn. 10* ¦ And to the married I command (not I, but the Lord), a woman not to be separated from [her] husband. 11* But if she is indeed separated, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband. And a husband is not to leave [his] wife. . . . 39* ¦ The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives, but if her husband is dead, she is at liberty to be remarried to whom she will, only in the Lord. I submit that those passages mean exactly what they say, that the obediently believing wife is bound by law as long as her obediently believing husband lives. No qualifiers! No exemptions! Instead many Christian leaders tell the saved divorced that if they just confess the sin of the divorce to God, God will forgive them and they are no longer bound to their departed saved mate so they can go on and remarry someone new. So they set aside GodÕs command to keep their own tradition. Can God bless and anoint with His miraculous power a person, a couple or a church sets aside His will and Word so they can keep their own tradition? Not the Jesus I know. Yes Jesus allowed the Jews under Moses to divorce their mates (Mt. 5) but it was for the hardness of their hearts and you can be sure that a just and holy God chastened the hard of heart. If I were an insurer, I sure wouldn't want to sell them any life insurance (1Cor.10). He never commanded a genuine believer to divorce a genuine believer. It just is not in the Word. He never commands His child to divorce His other child after He has put them together. But there is a commanded separation or standing back or break in fellowship that is required by Jesus when one's mate is snared in the sins described below ----- not a divorce, but some form of separation. Consider the following about sinners (for those married to the unsaved) and about "saints" snared in sin: MATTHEW 5: 32* But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery. Romans 16: 17. . . mark them who cause divisions and causes of offense contrary to the doctrine which you have learned, and avoid them. 1 Timothy 6:1-5 If any man. . . . consent not to . . . . the Words of our Lord Jesus . . . withdraw yourself from such. 2 Timothy 3:1-5: For men shall be lovers of their own selves.........avoid such. 1 CORINTH. 5: 9 ¦ I wrote to you in the letter not to associate intimately with fornicators; 10 yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then you must go out of the world. 11 But now I have written to you not to associate intimately, if any man called a brother [and is] either a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such a one not to eat. 2 THESSALONIANS 3:6 ¦ Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you withdraw yourselves from every brother who walks disorderly, and not after the teaching which he received from us. . . . 14 And if anyone does not obey our word by this letter, mark that one and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed. 15 Yet do not count [him] as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother. Yes there is an avoiding or withdrawing from such spouses but we will see below how 1 Cor. 7:10-15 and Mark 10 etc. exclude the option of marital separation or divorce except under very specific conditions. He never said that they were no longer bound to each other as Christian husband and Christian wife according to the scriptures>33 . You and I know that a married couple can avoid or withdraw from each other in many ways without getting a divorce. They withdraw emotionally or socially. A saint can't join the sinning spouse in the sin, so right there is a withdrawal or avoidance. [Footnote: >33 (Matt. 19:5; Rom. 7:1-5; 1 Cor. 7:10,11,15,39)] According to 1 Cor. 5 it is a whole different ball game if the spouse is often doing, practicing, regularly or habitually doing any of the following: adultery, fornication, sexual perversion (sodomy, homosexuality, bestiality, incest), greediness or covetousness, the worship of false gods, reviling (verbal abuse), drunkeness or intoxication, robbing, swindling, and/or extorting. The saved spouse is under command NOT to associate, keep company or be intimate with a spouse who does the above and is claiming to be genuinely saved, a genuine believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, a born again child of God. This may take the form of the husband divorcing such a "believing" wife and remarrying (Matt: 19:9) or it may take the form of the wife chastely and maritally separating herself from such a "believing" spouse (1 Cor. 7:10,11). The reason for this difference in options will be discussed in the chapter dealing with adultery and its definition. I believe the saved wife of an unsaved husband, who is involved in the sins listed above in this section, has the same chaste separation option, from the context of 1 Cor. 7:10-15. I understand this kind of separation from such sinning mates involves the cessation of sexual intimacy, until either the sinning spouse repents as in 2 Cor 2 & 7 or the Lord takes the life of the sinning spouse so as to save his spirit. Let's take another look at this. What do you do about your spouse who is snared in adultery, fornication, lesbianism, sodomy, bestiality, incest or etc.? Consider the following: MKJV JOHN 8: 4 they said to Him, Teacher, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. 5 Now Moses in the law commanded us that such should be stoned. You, then, what do you say? . . . 7 But as they continued to ask Him, He lifted Himself up and said to them, He who is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her. . . . MATT.5:32* But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery. 9 And hearing, and being convicted by conscience, they went out one by one, beginning at the oldest, until the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. 10. . . Did not one give judgment against you? 11 And she said, No one, Lord. And Jesus said to her, Neither do I give judgment. Go, and sin no more. MKJV 1 CORINTH. 5: 1 ¦ Everywhere [it is] reported [that there is] fornication among you, and such fornication as is not named among the nations, so as one to have [his] father's wife. . . . 3 For as being absent in body but present in spirit, I indeed have judged already [as though I were] present [concerning] him who worked out this thing; 4 in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are gathered together, with my spirit; also, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ; 5 to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. . . . MATT. 5:32* But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery. 7 ¦ Therefore purge out the old leaven so that you may be a new lump, as you are unleavened. . . . 11 But now I have written to you not to associate intimately, if any man called a brother [and is] either a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such a one not to eat. 12 . . . Do you not judge those who are inside? 13 . . . Therefore put out from you the evil one. These show that such a separation can be an exercise in Church discipline, delivering the Christian offender's body for the destruction of the flesh (chastening) to the end that the erring saint should be effectively chastened and stop sinning and in godly sorrow repent of the fornication. The sinning saint is chastened>34 into weakness, sickness or sleep (death) by the Lord. If weakness or sickness results in godly sorrow and repentance, then the repentant one is restored as in the following: [Footnote: >34 (1 Cor. 5 &/or 11; Heb.12) MKJV 2 CORINTHIANS 7: 8 For even if I grieved you in the letter, I do not regret; if indeed I did regret; for I see that that letter grieved you for an hour. 9 Now I rejoice, not that you were grieved, but that you grieved to repentance. For you were grieved according to God, so that you might suffer loss by nothing in us. MKJV 2 CORINTHIANS 2: 6 This punishment by the majority [is] enough for such a one; 7 so that, on the contrary, you should rather forgive and comfort [him], lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overwhelming sorrow. 8 So I beseech you to confirm [your] love toward him. . . 10 But to whom you forgive anything, I also [forgive]. For if I forgave anything, for your sakes I forgave [it] to him in the person of Christ; 11 so that we should not be overreached by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his devices. They would both still be saved and both still be bound to each other maritaly no matter who else they married or how many kids they might have had in the meantime. There is nothing in scripture that would indicate the the marital bond between two genuine Christians is broken by sexual immorality. If adultery required a marital-bond breaking divorce/separation, then Matt 5:32 would read as follows: But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced for any other reason than sexual immorality commits adultery. This would imply that it would NOT be adultery to marry a woman divorced/separated for sexual immorality. But what did Jesus say to genuine believers? He said "... whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.">h He gives no qualifier or exception except for 1 Cor. 7:12-15 in the case of the believer divorced/ desserted by the unsaved mate. No matter what the reason for the divorce except 1 Cor. 7:15, including sexual immorality, "whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." "And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." (Mk.10:12). It is adultery to marry a woman divorced from her legitimate husband except in the case of 1 Cor. 7:15, in which case God has loosed her from her husband. It is adultery to marry a genuinely believing woman divorced from her genuinely believing man if they were free to marry in the Lord when they married, because when they married they became maritally bound to each other until death parts them (1Cor. 7:39) Later in this study we will deal with the issue of why the Word does not say ".....whoever divorces her husband, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.......". In the other cases presented in this chapter that require a separation because of the misconduct of one's mate, I believe the believing mate has to avoid/withdraw from the erring spouse in such activities and usually can do so without leaving their house. We'll see below that the avoidance/ withdrawal does not include marital intimacy and affection (1 Cor. 7:1-15). Dealing with the adulterous mate is discussed below, so please be patient and read on. What should be the spouse's attitude be when married to one to whom she/he is commanded to be manifesting some form of avoidance or withdrawal? The key is in 2 Thess 3:15 above where we enjoined to "not count [him] as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother." or in 1 Pet. 3:1 where the wives are instructed to "be submissive to your own husbands so that, if any obey not the Word, they also may without a word be won by the behavior of the wives . . . . ". Consider the following: Luke 17:3 Take heed to yourselves. If your brother wrongs you, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, you who are spiritual restore such a one in the Spirit of meekness . . . John 13:10-15 . . . . you also ought to wash each other's feet, for I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Ephes. 4:15 . . . speaking the Truth in Love . . . . Ephes 5:6-11 . . . because of these things comes the wrath of God upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore don't be partakers with them. . . .And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness but, rather, reprove [them]. 1 Tim. 5:20,21 Them that sin rebuke before all, that others may fear. . 2 Tim. 2:24 And the servant of the Lord must not strive, but be gentle unto all, able to teach, patient, in meekness instructing those that oppose them . . . . . 1 Pet. 3:1 . . . be submissive to your own husbands so that, if any obey not the Word, they also may without a word be won by the behavior of the wives . . . . The command is "Man must not put apart what God has put together". Even if they are divorced/separated, people "must not put apart what God has put together." The genuine Christian wife is maritally bound to her genuine Christian husband as long as they both live>i . [>h Mat.5:32; 19:9. >i (1Cor.7:39;Mark 10).] There is a parallel in the relationship of the Body of Christ to Christ. When a brother becomes part of the Bride of Christ Jesus is bound by His own Word in the relationship, not to put apart what God has put together (John 17:2, 6, 9, 10, 20, 21).So when a brother stumbles into fornication>35, instead of cutting off the relationship and disowning him, Jesus Loves him and has promised to chasten him in that Love>36. There is a break in fellowship, a separation, in that Jesus doesn't respond to his usual prayers>37 and releases his body to Satan for the destruction of his body>38 in order to save his spirit>39. He still belongs to Jesus because he shows that his spirit will be saved even if the chastening doesn't result in repentance>40. No one, neither himself nor Jesus, can take him out of Jesus hand>41. So the brother is chastened>42 and genuinely repents>43, resulting in his restoration to good standing and fellowship in the Bride of Christ and with Jesus. [Footnote: >35. 1 Cor. 5; 2 Tim. 2:24,26. >36. 1 Cor.5; Hebrews 12. >37. Isaiah; Mat. 6:16; 1 Pet. 3:7; 1 Jn. 3:22,23. >38. 1 Cor. 5:5; 11:27-32; Heb. 12. >39. 1 Cor. 5:6; 11:27-32 >40. 1 Cor. 5:5; 11:27-32. >41. John 10:28,29. >42. 1 Cor. 5 & 2 Cor. 2. >43. 2 Cor. 2 and 7]. Another parallel is Jesus and the nation Israel. Israel became the bride of Jehovah/Jesus>44. When Israel misused their bodies/temple, Jehovah/Jesus allowed their bodies to suffer>45. He didn't end His relationship/promises with the nation Israel, even though He allowed many of them to suffer/die and allowed the temple to be destroyed. When Israel repented genuinely, He restored His fellowship and blessings to the genuinely repentant, even allowing them to rebuild the temple for full fellowship>46. Jehovah/Jesus' bond with the nation Israel was not annulled and broken by their sin nor the chastening He allowed>47. [Footnote: >44. (Ex. 20; Ezek. 16:7; 23:1-6). >45. 1Cor. 10:9,10 >46. Ezra, Nehemiah. >47. Ezekiel 16 and 23; Hosea] In American reality, because of the wretchedly poor Bible teaching today Christians, divorce and remarry almost as much as J.Q Public. The Christian wife divorces her Christian husbandand remarries in adultery reaping the chastening of the Lord until she dies>48 or repents in reconciliation or celibacy if she is genuinely born again. The Christian man divorces his Christian wife and remarries. If he really repudiates his Christian wife for another and marries another he commits adultery>49 and reaps the Lord's chastening. At this point we need to define our terms. [Footnotes:>48. (1 Cor 5 and 11:29-32); >49 (Mark 10, Luke 16, Matt 5, 1 Cor 7)] III. DIVORCE DEFINED. Let me try to clarify the word "divorce" at this point since it has so many definitions in our current culture. The Greek word apoluo >1 used by Jesus in Mark 10:11 & 12 means TO SEND OR PUT AWAY, DISMISS (FROM ONE'S PRESENCE), RELEASE AND REPUDIATE. It could be done informally or formally and legally as divorce. [Footnote: .>III.1 See also Matt. 1:19; 5:31; 19:3,7-9.] The Greek word choridzo >2 , used in Mark 10:9 of the saved couple and in 1 Cor. 7:10 &11 of the saved wife , and in v. 15 of the unsaved mate, means TO SEPARATE ONESELF FROM ANOTHER, BE SEPARATED; LEAVE, PART OR DEPART FROM, PUT ASUNDER AND DIVIDE. It could be done informally or formally as a divorce. God allows the Christian wife to choridzo her husband as second best but still affirms that she is bound maritally to her husband as in v. 39. [III. footnotes: >III.2. See also active: Matt. 19:6; Mark 10:9; Rom. 8;35,39;---passive: 1 Cor. 7:10,11,15;Acts 1:4; 18:2] The Greek word afeeaymee >141, used of the man in l Cor. 7:11 and 12 and of the woman in v. 13, means TO SEND AWAY, ASK TO GO AWAY OR LEAVE, TO RELEASE, AND TO LEAVE. This can be done informally or as a formal divorce. So the word divorce can mean many different things depending on one's culture, society, motivation, intent and purposes. But the bottom line is that the husband is commanded not to send his wife away, nor to ask his wife to leave, nor release her nor leave her. Even if she asks or commands him to leave, He is under the Lord's command not to leave. Even if she gets a court order, he is under God's order not to leave her voluntarily. If the marshals/officials remove him and his belongings, then he didn't leave voluntarily. He was removed, but he did not relase or leave her. Separate rooms, sleeping separately or etc. is not leaving or releasing her as long as he is obeying 1 Cor. 7:1-5 with her.l [Footnote: .^141 See also Mat. 13:36;; Mark 4:36.] In summary we see the following: (1) the Christian husband must not divorce/send away/release [See apoluo or afeeaymee above] his Christian wife to whom he is bound as long as they both live. 1 Cor. 5:10,11 and 2 Thess. 3:6 & 14 may require a separation that doesn't involve sending her away, asking her to go away or leave, releasing her from their marriage bond, or leaving her ---- but they are still bound for life. I experienced such a separation without leaving with the mother of my children. The last two years we were together we slept inthe same king size bed but she never let me touch her, kiss her, hold her or make love with her. Now that is separation without leaving. But for the male under 1 Cor. 5:ll and 2 Thess. 3:6,14 commands to "stand apart" from his sining wife would still be bound by the commands in 1 Cor. 7:2,3,4,5 which could require him to be maritally intimate with her, so the "separation" would have to be in other areas ---- always in the Spirit of 2 Tim. 2:24-26; Galat. 6:1,2,3; and Luke 6 ---- like not eating together, not hanging out together, not dating, not socializing together , not spending your leisure time together or etc. (2) the saved husband must not divorce/send away/ask to leave/leave [See afeeaymee above] his unsaved wife as long as she agrees or consents or is willing to dwell/live /house with him. (3) the Christian wife must not divorce/send away/dismiss/repudiate[See apoluo above] and should not (but may) divorce/separate from/leave/put apart [See choridzo above] her Christian husband. The saved wife must not divorce/send away/ask to leave/leave [See afeeaymee above] her unsaved husband as long as he agrees or consents or is willing to dwell/live/house with her. Because of the definition and 1 Cor. 7:11 some believe that the saved wife also can divorce/separate from/leave/put apart [choridzo] her unsaved husband in faithful separation, but still not divorce/send away/ask to leave/leave [afeeaymee] him, in the event of spousal abuse, fornication or etc. These actions find many different legal and informal forms and expressions in many different cultures and subcultures. So when you see the word ÒdivorceÓ in your Bible, it at least means Òsend away, releaseÓ, "leave" or Òbe separated, put asunder, divideÓ informally or formally. If Mark 10:8-12; 1 Corinthians 7:10,11,39 and Romans 7:1-3 are taken quite literally, a genuinely saved Elias who legally married (with no vow of exclusivity such as Òforsaking all othersÓ & Òkeeping yourselves only to each other until death do you partÓ) and was legally divorced by several genuinely saved Jane Does who just wanted to live as singles again>142 would have to deal with the question, "Are they still my wives in God's eyes?". They all divorced him exercising their scriptural option and whatever he felt or wanted would be irrelevant in terms of 1 Cor. 7:11,39. What if these genuinely saved but carnal Jane Does became engaged to others and maritally vowed to forsake all others including their Elias and to keep themselves only to their new mates until death part them? It would be adultery and their vows would be sinful because those vows would be invalidated by God's statement in Mark 10:8-12 and 1 Corinth. 7 :11,39 that they are bound to Elias as long as they both live. [Footnote: >142 (1 Cor. 7:11) ] But wait a minute! Wouldn't it be adultery for Elias to remarry even if his Christian wife divorced him? I mean wasn't he still bound to her even if she dumped him and never saw him again, living single in separation? Wouldn't Elias still be bound to his departed and separated Christian wife (according to1 Corinthians 7:10,11,39) even though her departure for other reasons than prayer and fasting leaves him subject to Satan's temptations due to his not having the gift of celibacy (1Cor.7:5)? Why is she allowed to disobey 1 Cor. 7:5 by leaving him indefinitely (1 Cor. 7:10,11) for some other reason than prayer and fasting? To find the answers to these questions, let's take a look at what the Bible says about the institution of marriage in its various forms and over time. IV. VARIETIES OF MARRIAGE IN THE BIBLE The fouth century's St. Augustine states the seriousness of this situation powerfully in the following: ÒTo such a degree is that marriage compact entered upon a matter of a certain sacrament, that it is not made void even by separation itself, since, so long as her husband lives, even by whom she hath been left, she commits adultery, in case she be married to another: and he who hath left her, is the cause of this evil. . . Seeing that the compact of marriage is not done away by divorce intervening; so that they continue wedded persons one to another, even after separation; and commit adultery with those, with whom they shall be joined, even after their own divorce, either the woman with a man, or the man with a woman. . . But a marriage once for all entered upon in the City of our God, where, even from the first union of the two, the man and the woman, marriage bears a certain sacramental character, can no way be dissolved but by the death of one of them. For the bond of marriage remains, although a family [i.e. children], for the sake of which it was entered upon, do not follow through manifest barrenness; so that, when now married persons know that they shall not have children, yet it is not lawful for them to separate even for the very sake of children, and to join themselves unto others. And if they shall so do, they commit adultery with those unto whom they join themselves, but themselves remain husbands and wives [to each other] . . Therefore the good of marriage throughout all nations and all men stands in the occasion of begetting, and faith of chastity: but, so far as pertains unto the People of God, also in the sanctity of the sacrament, by reason of which it is unlawful for one who leaves her husband, even when she has been put away, to be married to another, so long as her husband lives, no not even for the sake of bearing children: . . . not even where that very thing, wherefore it takes place, follows not, is the marriage bond loosed, save by the death of the husband or wife.Ó [Footnote: >. n102 St. Augustin: On The Trinity; pp. 402, 406, 412] ÒClearly with the good will of the wife to take another woman, that from her may be born sons common to both, by the sexual intercourse and seed of the one, but by the right and power of the other, was lawful among the ancient fathers: whether it be lawful now also, I would not hastily pronounce....Ó>n93 [Footnote: >n93 St. Augustin: On The Trinity; p. 406.] Whether or not it is the best form of marriage for each individual depends on the gift and the leading (Rom. 8:1-14) each individual receives from God. St. Augustine (4th Century AD) had a gentler way of saying it that I feel more reflects the God of Gen. 1 and 1 Cor. 13. Consider the following: ÒÒThat the holy fathers of olden times after Abraham, and before him, to whom God gave His testimony that "they pleased Him," [Heb. 11:4-6] thus used their wives, no one who is a Christian ought to doubt, since it was permitted to certain individuals amongst them to have a plurality of wives, where the reason was for the multiplication of their offspring, not the desire of varying gratification. .That the good purpose of marriage, however, is better promoted by one husband with one wife, than by a husband with several wives, is shown plainly enough by the very first union of a married pair, which was made by the Divine Being Himself, with the intention of marriages taking their beginning therefrom, and of its affording to them a more honorable precedent. In the advance, however, of the human race, it came to pass that to certain good men were united a plurality of good wives, --- many to each; and from this it would seem that moderation sought rather unity on one side for dignity, while nature permitted plurality on the other side for fecundity. For on natural principles it is more feasible for one to have dominion over many, than for many to have dominion over one.Ó [Footnote: >..34 2b A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church; Vol. V; p. 267] Consider what Saint Augustine said in the fourth century AD. "The only reason of its being a crime now to do this, is because custom and the laws forbid it. Whoever despises these restraints, even though he uses his wives only to get children, still commits sin, and does an injury to human society itself, for the sake of which it is that the procreation of children is required. In the present altered state of customs and laws, men can have no pleasure in a plurality of wives, except from an excess of lust; and so the mistake arises of supposing that no one could ever have had many wives but from sensuality and the vehemence of sinful desires. Unable to form an idea of men whose force of mind is beyond their conception, they compare themselves with themselves, as the apostle says [2 Cor. x. 12], and so make mistakes. Conscious that, in their intercourse though with one wife only, they are often influenced by mere animal passion instead of an intelligent motive, they think it an obvious inference that, if the limits of moderation are not observed where there is only one wife, the infirmity must be aggravated where there are more than one.">.80 [Footnote: >80 A Select Library of the Nicene and Post- Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church, Vol. iv; pp.289ff.] "But here there is no ground for a criminal accusation: for a plurality of wives was no crime when it was the custom; and it is a crime now, because it is no longer the custom. There are sins against nature, and sins against custom, and sins against the laws. In which, then, of these senses did Jacob sin in having a plurality of wives? As regards nature, he used the women not for sensual gratification, but for the procreation of children. For custom, this was the common practice at that time in those countries. And for the laws, no prohibition existed. The only reason of its being a crime now to do this, is because custom and the laws forbid it." [Footnote: >.14 A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church, Vol. iv; p. 289] But what of those who say that having more than one wife in those days was a falling short of the will of God and reflected a weakness in the character of those who participated in polygyny? St. Augustine has a good word, as follows: "But those who have not the virtues of temperance must not be allowed to judge of the conduct of holy men, any more than those in fever of the sweetness and wholesomeness of food. . . If our critics, then, wish to attain not a spurious and affected, but a genuine and sound moral health, let them find a cure in believing the Scripture record, that the honorable name of saint is given not without reason to men who had several wives; and that the reason is this, that the mind can exercise such control over the flesh as not to allow the appetite implanted in our nature by Providence to go beyond the limits of deliberate intention. . . . the holy patriarchs in their conjugal intercourse were actuated not by the love of pleasure, but by the intelligent desire for the continuance of their family. . . .nor did the number of their wives make the patriarchs licentious. But why defend the husbands, to whose character the divine word bears the highest testimony. . . ." [Footnote: >.23 A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church, Vol. iv; p.290] There is no scripture that says a wife in polygyny is less of a wife than a wife in monogamy. There is no scripture that says a husband in polygyny is less of a husband than a husband in monogamy. Consider St. AugustineÕs point in the following:Ò . . . no one doubts . . . who reads with careful attention what use they made of their wives, at a time when also it was allowed one man to have several, whom he had with more chastity than any now has his one wife . . . But then they married even several without any blame . . Ó>65 [Footnotes: >..65 St. Augustin: On The Trinity; p. 406.] The following list of polygynists is fascinating: Jesus/Jehovah (Ezek. 23); Lamech (GEN. 4: 19); Abraham with Sarah, Hagar and Keturah(Gen. 25:1-6); Nahor(Gen. 22:20-24); Hezron's Caleb(1Chronicles 2:46); Esau and his son (Gen. 26:34,35;36:12); Jacob with Rachel and Leah (Gen. 29 & 30); JacobÕs son Ashur had two wives (1Chron. 4:5); Jacob's son, Manasseh, had a concubine(1 Chron 7:14); BenjaminÕs Shaharaim (1 Chron.8:8); Gideon (Judges 8:29-32); the Levite's concubine (Judges 19); King David (2 Samuel 3 &12:7); King Solomon (1 Kings 11); king Rehoboam (2 Chron. 11 & 12) ; Godly king Abijah (2 Chron. 13); the Godly High Priest Jehoida gave two wives to godly king Joash in 2 Chron 24; Godly queen Esther was a wife blessed by God in her polygyny . More than all this, we Jesus/Jehovah legislating His will about the pracitce of polygyny in the following: MKJV EXODUS 21: 7 ÒAnd if a man sells his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do. 8 If she does not please her master, who has betrothed her to himself, then he shall let her be redeemed. He shall have no power to sell her to a strange nation, since he has dealt deceitfully with her. 9 And if he has betrothed her to his son, he shall deal with her as with daughters. 10 If he takes himself another [wife], her food, her clothing, and her duty of marriage shall not be lessened. 11 And if he does not do these three to her, then she shall go out free without money.Ó Deut. 21:15 ¦ ÒIf a man have two wives, one beloved, and one hated, and they have borne him children, [both] the beloved and the hated, and [if] the first-born son be hers that was hated; 16 then it shall be, in the day that he makes his sons to inherit [that] which he has, [that] he may not make the son of the beloved first-born before the son of the hated, who is the first-born; 17 but he shall acknowledge as first-born the son of the hated, by giving him a double portion of all that he has; for he is the firstfruits of his strength: the right of the firstborn is his.Ó It is incredible to think that Jesus and the apostles would say nothing about such a widespread contemporary practice as polygyny if it were indeed sinful, less than God's best, carnal and reprobate to good works. God never said such a thing in Old Testament times and He obviously never said such a thing in New Testament times. When you consider how specific God was in Lev. chaps. 18-22; Deut. chaps. 22-24; Romans 1; 1 Cor. 6; 2 Cor. 6; Gal. 5 and etc., I can not believe that God would "forget" to include polygyny if it is as bad as most Christian leaders say it is. VI. ADULTERY DEFINED, A SURPRISE! ISNÕT POLYGYNY ADULTERY? Some say ÒThe same laws apply to both male and female. This is an issue of nature, not role. Therefore all are equal: male and female.Ó Some Bible interpreters are more zealous for unisex doctrines and practices than the bleeding heart liberals who encourage unisex restroom and coed dorms. God made males and females very different for a reason, and we miss the mark when we fail to recognize the differences He made and instituted. Mary leave/divorces Elias. Some say that this forsaken Elias commits adultery when he marries Sally but the Biblical definition of adultery>143 in Matt. 5:32 and 19:6-9; Mark 10:1-11; Luke 16:18; 1 Thess. 4:4-6 and Romans 7:1-3>143 plainly states the double standard in the definition of adultery. There really are different scriptural laws for men than for women governing marriage and remarriage, and there are different scriptural laws for men than for women defining adultery. Adultery for the woman: 1. "Whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery">144. The reason being that she is still bound to him as wife.>145. [Footnote: >144 Mat. 5:32; 19:9; Luke 16:18; except in the cases of 1 Cor. 7:12-15,39; 1 Tim. 5:14. >145. 1 Cor. 7:10, 11, 39; Romans 7:1-3. ] 2. The husband "causes her to commit adultery" when he divorces her for any reason other than sexual immorality>146. The reason being that she is still bound to him as wife.>147 In 1 Corinth. 7:5 we see that her husband "causes her to commit adultery" because her husband is failing to meet her marital needs and the enemy of her soul tempts in her burning need. (On the other hand: The wife is not said to cause her husband to commit adultery when she divorces him for any other reason than sexual immorality, probably because he is free to be a polygynist.) [Footnote: >146. Matt. 5:32; 19:9. >147 1 Cor. 7:10, 11, 39; Romans 7:1-3.] 3. "And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.">148. The adultery consists of both divorce AND remarriage. The reason being that she is still bound to him as wife.>149. [Footnotes:>148. Mark 10:12. >149. 1 Cor. 7:10, 11, 39; Romans 7:1-3.] 4. "if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.">150 [Footnote: >150. Romans 7:3.] Adultery for the man: 1. "Whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery", obviously because she still is bound to the husband from whom she is divorced. [>.^151. Mat. 5:32; 19:9; except in the cases of 1 Cor. 7:12-15,39; 1 Tim. 5:14.] 2. "Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." The adultery consists of divorcing his wife for something else besides sexual immorality AND then remarrying. If he stayed married to his wife and married another, he became a polygynist. On the other hand, it is implied here that if he divorces his wife for sexual immorality and marries another, he does not commit adultery. His divorcing her does not cause her to commit adultery because she is already immorally sexually involved with someone else. His refusal to meet her sexual needs (1 Cor 7:2-5) does not cause her to be immoral because she is already being immoral. He is commanded not to be intimate with her (1Cor.5:11) but his lack of her intimacy will cause him to be tempted (1 Cor.7:5). If the temptations overcome him and he is faling to control himself, burning with marital desire, he comes under command to marry (1Cor.7:9) and so remarries in the Lord. [Footnote: >152. Matt 19: 9: Mark 10:11; Luke 16:18.152.] 3. "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her." Mark 10:11 Pretty clear, right? But please note that nowhere in the Bible does He say "Whoever remains married to his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her." Why? Remembering that when Jesus walked on earth He Himself commanded the apostles and His disciples to observe and obey all of the Law of Moses>a., including the Laws about polygyny cited in the following, and that the apostles and Jewish believers kept and observed all the Laws given to Moses (including those about polygyny) through the entire book of Acts>b. period up until God released the apostles and believing Jews from the Law of Moses in Ephesians 2 and Colosians 2, consider the following facts: (1) Immediately after God gave Moses the ten commandments He gave Moses instructions for men who have more than one wife>14. . (2) Later He gave Moses instructions (Dt.12:1ff) for a husband who has two wives>15. . (3) He gave Moses specific instructions for the brother-in-laws of a widow and did not exempt any brother who was already married>16. and Jesus introduced no such exemption when He spoke of this passage>17. (4) God Himself told polygynist King David (he had ten +/- wives and concubines at the time>18. ) that He had been with him wherever he had gone, that He would make a great name for him, that his descendant would be the Messiah>19. , and that He Himself had given David more than one wife>20. (5) God, who cannot sin and never portrays Himself as sinning, portrayed Himself as the polygynist husband of two wives in Ezekiel 23. [Footnotes: >a. Matthew 23:1-3 >b. In Matthew 23:1-3 Jesus commands obedience to the Laws give n to Moses. In Acts 15 the believing non-Jews, not the believing Jews, were released from the Laws given to Moses. In Acts 21:15-25 we see the Jewish apostle Paul and the surviving apostles still obeying the Law of Moses in obedience to Christ in Matt. 23:1-3. >14. Exodus 21:7-11 (See Hosea 3:2; Deut. 25:5-10; Lev. 19:20) >15. Deut. 21:15-17 (See 2 Chron. 24:3; Gen. 29:33; 1 Chron.5:2; 26:10; 2 Kings 2:9) >16. Deut. 25:5-10 >17. Matt. 22:23-25; Mark 12:18-20; Luke 20:27-29 >18. 2 Samuel 5:13; 6:12-23 >19. 2 Samuel 7:8-17 >20. 2 Samuel 12:8 ; that this did not mean platonic care is evident from 1 Kings 1:1-3; 2:13-25.] 4. "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife.">153. "You shall not lie carnally with your neighbor's wifeÓ>154. "For this is the will of God. . . ..that no one should take advantage of and defraud/cheat his brother in this matter.Ó>155. A genuine Christian wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives and she becomes an adulteress when she marries another while he still lives. [Footnotes:>153. Exod. 20:17. >154. Leviticus18:20. >155. 1 Thess. 4:3-6.] Adultery for the female is sexual intimacy with anyone else besides her own husband/mate. Adultery for the male is when (1) he is married to a new wife and had left/rejected/divorced his former wife in order to marry this new wife>99 . ; or (2) is sexually intimate with some one elseÕs wife. It is this double standard that allowed Abraham, Jacob, David and Joash to be godly polygamists, but declared a woman to be an adulteress if she was intimate with anyone but her own mate. It is a double standard for the man and the woman, just like polygyny was/is a double standard for the man and the woman. The same sin is defined differently for the woman and differently for the man. See more on this below. [Footnotes:>99 It is the combination of divorcing one's mate in order to marry another and then marrying that other. If he both dutifully keeps his own wife and then marries another woman, it is polygyny and not adultery. If the wife dutifully keeps her own husband and marries another it is adultery (Romans 7:3) The double standard is clearly laid out in Matt. 5:32 and 19:6-9; Mark 10:1-11; Luke 16:18; 1 Thess. 4:4-6 and Romans 7:1-3; 1 Corinth. 7:39] It is this double standard that results from the man being the designated the head of the family (Gen 2; 1Cor. 11), that results in what appears to be another inequity. In Mt. 5:32 Jesus apparently allows the genuinely believing husband to divorce his wife because she is snared in sexual immorality. Not only is he allowed to divorce her, he is allowed to remarry. If she is genuinely saved, she is still bound maritlly to him as wife before the Lord, even though she is snared in sex sin and Jesus hasn't finished his Mat. 18;15-18 & 1 Cor. 5:5-11 work with her yet. He remarries with a free-in-the-Lord-to-marry genuinely believing woman and is now bound before the Lord to two wives. If the one involved in sex sin survives 1 Cor . 5 and repents according to 2 Cor. 2 & 7, he must accept her back as his wife along with his new wife, being bound to both as long as he and they all live. But what about the genuinely saved wife whose "believing" husband is involved in sex sin so she is commanded to separate from and not be intimate with him. Such a wife separates from him according to 1 Cor. 7:10,11 but after a while she finds herself being tempted according to 1 Cor.7:5. Then she falls to the temptation and is afraid she might fall to it again, finds herself maritally burning and under command be married and have marital sex (1Cor.7:5,9). Hopefully Jesus has finished his 1 Cor. 5:4,5-11 work and the guy has either died and his spirit is with the Lord, if he were really saved, or he has repented according to 2 Cor 2 & 7 and is ready to be reconciled to her. Or in the case of Matt. 18:15-18 she has learned that she is to relate to him as an unsaved person, an unsaved person who no longer wants to live with her, no longer wants her as his wife(1Cor7:13,15), so she is free from him and free to obey the Lord and get married in the Lord. Will God intervene in behalf of His fasting and praying but maritally burning and sorely tempted daughter, who as wife is separated from her husband because of his 1 Cor. 5 sin, and because of that separation is burning with marital desire and sorely tempted? If He took out the rich and unloving believers in 1 Cor. 11 for the shabby way they stumbled and offended their poorer brethren in the celebration of the Lord's supper, don't you think He will give her a 1 Cor. 10:13 out or make a quick end the husband causing her the grief? The God who promised 1 Cor. 10:13 and Phil. 4:6,7,13,18,19 will not break those promises. Let's look at some hypothetical examples. Elias was divorced/ rejected/abandoned by Jane (with his never repudiating or rejecting Jane as wife) his new marriage to free-to-marry Sally may violate no scripture, may not be what the Bible calls adultery and may seem to put him in the Old Testament position of having and being bound to more than one wife. I understand he would still be bound by the Lord to the saved wife who left him. But the way is narrow. If saved Jane leaves/divorces her saved Elias and marries Harry, it is adultery as long as both Jane and Harry are married and Elias lives. If saved Elias leaves/divorces saved Jane for Sally and marries saved Sally, it is adultery as long as Jane lives and Elias and Sally are married and repudiating Jane. If Elias's wife Sally is sexually intimate with someone else it is adultery. If Elias is sexually intimate with Pete's lawful wife, it is adultery. If married Elias is sexually intimate with single/ unmarried Susie who is playing the harlot (having sex without being married), it is fornication>156 If American and legally married-to- Jane Elias also legally marries free-to-marry Betty, it is a sin because Elias is under command>157 to obey the laws of the government authorities which forbids official/legal bigamy and polygyny and he would have to live with the legal consequences. [Footnotes:>156 (Ezekiel 16 and 23 and 1 Corinth. 6. >157 Romans 13; 1 Peter 2:12-14] Mark 10 ; 1 Cor 7:10,11, 12, 13-15,39; and Rom 7 seem to state rather clearly that a Christian marriage lasts and is binding on both as long as both live. That being the case I often wondered why God gave the Christian wife the second best option of departing and remaining unmarried and possibly being reconciled with her saved husband later. The husband is given no such second best option. He must not leave his wife, period! Because of spousal abuse I can understand why God would allow a wife to separate herself while still bound to the abuser in marriage in order to allow the exercise of church discipline>158 to have an effect. But what about that poor turkey of a husband who is warned by God>159 that being deprived of his wife will result in Satanic temptations to immorality and that he is explicitly forbidden to leave her, send her away or ask her to leave>160. No qualifications or exceptions. Why the double standard? See below. [Footnotes:>158 (Matt 18 and l Cor 5). >159 (1 Cor. 7:1-5). >160 (Greek of l Cor. 7:11,12 and Mark 10)] The scriptures above make it plain that if Jane Dovany exercised her 1 Cor 7:11 repentance option, having left/divorced Elias, and then Elias repudiated/ rejected Jane in order to marry Sally, Elias's rejection/repudia-tion of Jane coupled with his marriage to Sally constitutes Biblical adultery. It would be adultery if saved Jane divorced/ rejected saved Elias and married Harry because Biblical adultery in the scriptures above is saved Jane divorcing/ rejecting saved Elias and marrying some one else. According to all of those scriptures, adultery for the male is either (1) the act of marrying or being intimate with someone else's wife, (2) or the act of leaving one wife and taking another wife. Adultery for the wife is having sexual intimacy with anyone else except her husband to whom she is married for life. If you very carefully examine those scriptures you will see that the Bible does not say it is adultery for Elias to recognize AS WIFE his self-separated Jane and at the same time take as wife another saved and free-to-marry (unbound/ unmarried) sister. See the discussion on polygyny. Yes, thatÕs right, there is a double standard going all the way back to Genesis. It was not adultery for a married man to marry another woman free-to-marry under the laws of God throughout the whole Old Testament. It was legal and divinely permitted polygyny , if the scriptures are understood correctly. Under the same Word of God, a woman who was sexually intimate with another besides her own husband was an adulteress. The double standard started in Genesis 3:16, restated in 1 Corinth. 11 and 1 Timothy 2 appear to allow a godly man to be a polygamist but does not allow a godly woman to be a polyandrist. The woman's repentance option explains the Òdouble standardÓ and apparent inequity of 1 Corinthians 7:10,11 where it appears that the woman who has left her husband has the repentance option of remaining single but the man must never leave his wife. If a wife left her husband according to 1 Cor. 7:11, he would immediately be put in the hazardous position of 1 Corinth 7:1-5, being tempted to sin because his wife will not give him the marital sexual outlet since she is gone. It seemed to me to be quite unfair that she could leave him and live unmarried, and he, knowing he is still bound to her for life, has to struggle with the burning temptations predicted in 1 Corinth. 7:1-5, 9 with no legitimate sexual outlet. Then I realized that 1 Corinth. 7:1-5 predicted his need of marital intimacy, how Satan would use the wife's absence to tempt him, how marital intimacy is the prescription to avoid Satan's temptations, and then the command in verse 9 plainly commands the one to marry who is failing to have successful self- control>100 . Then I realized that the polygyny option balanced the equation. The wife could leave her husband and remain single and the husband who was still bound to such a departed wife seems to have had a Biblical option of polygyny / concubinage, (depending on the laws of his land) if he found himself tempted and burning as in 1 Cor. 7:5, 9,12. She could leave and he could remarry becoming a polygamist and the inequity was gone. She could separate and remain single, and he could remarry as long as he recognized that he was still bound to his separated wife. [Footnote: >100 See Appendix Six.] Now consider the case where the wife, claiming to be a Christian, refuses for years to obey 1 Cor. 7:1-5 with her saved husband and then finally leaves, abandons, rejects ,separates herself , and dismisses him from her presence. She doesn't care about getting a formal divorce but feels free to date and get involved with another man. Her abandoned husband is faced with the question, "Is she saved and is it a case of 1 Cor. 7:11 & 39 or is she unsaved and is he free according to l Cor. 7:12 & 15?" Her abandoned husband wants to do Matt. 18:15-17 to clarify the situation and get an answer to his question but can find no Christian body willing to do the following: MKJV MKJV 1 CORINTH. 5: . . . ÒI indeed have judged already [as though I were] present [concerning] him who worked out this thing; 4 in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are gathered together, with my spirit; also, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ; 5 to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. . . . 11 But now I have written to you not to associate intimately, if any man called a brother [and is] either a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such a one not to eat. 12 . . . Do you not judge those who are inside? 13 . . . Therefore put out from you the evil one.Ó MKJV MATTHEW 5:32* ÒBut I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery.Ó MATTHEW 18: 15 ¦ ÒBut if your brother shall trespass against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear [you], take one or two more with you, so that in [the] mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell [it] to the church. But if he neglects to hear the church, let him be to you as a heathen and a tax- collector.Ó 5:32*Ó But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery. . . .Ó 18 ÒTruly I say to you, Whatever you shall bind on earth shall occur, having been bound in Heaven; and whatever you shall loose on earth shall occur, having been loosed in Heaven.Ó This means he is unable to clarify the status of both himself and his departed wife. He is unable to determine if she is unsaved and he is free to remarry>161, , or if she is saved and he is bound maritally to her for life>162 So without sending her away, dismissing , repudiating, leaving, releasing or separating himself from her, he gets a legal divorce (on the grounds of irreconcilable differences) for state and federal tax and inheritance purposes but reaffirms in writing to her what he believes may be the binding nature of their relationship>163 . [Footnotes>161 1 Cor. 7:12,13,14,15. >162 1 Cor. 7:10,11, 39; Mark 10; Rom. 7:1-5. >163 (1 Cor. 7:39)] So the divorce is only a legal recognition of the wife's departure and unwillingness to be reconciled, while he still publicly recognizes the binding nature of their relationship. Then he remarries another Christian because his burning and his 1 Cor. 7:5 predicted failures to control himself bring him under the command to marry in l Cor. 7:9,36 (NIV & Amplified "they should marry"), 1 Cor. 7:36 (NIV "They should get married); 1 Tim 5:14 (NIV "So I counsel younger widows to marry.." Amplified "So I would have younger [widows] marry..") and 1 Thess 4:3-8 (NIV "that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable . . ..") >101 [Footnote>101 Please see Appendix Six; NIV , NEW INTERNA-TIONAL VERSION. ] He has entered the realm of American polygyny . Legally divorced and remarried but openly acknowledging his marital ties to two "sisters-in- Christ", he is an American polygamist. The departed wife could remarry in adultery or remain single the rest of her life while he continues in his new marriage. If she repents and opts for reconciliation after he has married again, all of her rights and privileges as in 1 Cor. 7:1-5 & 39 are in force and the husband faces the complex dilemma described next. How do you have two wives in America where it is illegal to officially and "legally" have more than one wife of official public record with tax and inheritance rights granted and protected by the government? Polygyny in and of itself is not a sin and was tolerated in the Bible>71, unless practiced in violation of menÕs laws>53 , or unless its practice is abused by offensive selfishness and sinfulness>54. The polygyny of concubinage is not illegal in modern society, but is bound by the principles of Liberated Love in Romans 14, 1 Cor 8 and 10. [Footnote: >.71 Please see THE INSTITUTES OF BIBLICAL LAW, by R. Rushdonney, p. 364. HASTINGS DICTIONARY OF THE BIBLE; 1989, p.259; p.583ff. >53 (Rom 13). >54 (Rom. 14) ] X. DOES GOD FORGIVE BROKEN VOWS, DIVORCE AND ADULTERY? The issue here is does God forgive born again Christians when they fall into divorce and adultery? The cornerstone of this issue is "What is a born again Christian?" Genuinely born again Christians would be characterized by the following: (1) They have believed and received Jesus Christ, God revealed in the flesh, as the Master of their daily lives and as their Savior from the penalties and power of sin in their lives; (2) They have a consistent public testimony by word and deed of their salvation; (3) They live in obedience to the Word at home and away from home; (4) They are compassionately and effectively involved in nurturing and shepherding Christian fellowship; (5) They are characterized by the fruits of the Spirit instead of the works of the flesh; (6) They are faithfully in the Word in a life building way; and (7) They are faithfully in prayer on a regular basis. If any of these is missing, you should not feel comfortable about their status with the Lord and it would be a mistake to assume that they are really saved. We don't have to decide if someone is saved, all we have to do is decide if their life lines up with the Word, and if it doesn't, then we are to do the following: MKJV 1 TIMOTHY 5:19 ÒDo not receive an accusation against an elder except before two or three witnesses. 20 Those who sin, rebuke before all, so that the rest also may fear. 21 I charge [you] before God and [the] Lord Jesus Christ, and the elect angels, that you guard these things without prejudice, doing nothing by partiality.Ó MKJV GALA. 6: 1 ¦ ÒBrothers, if a man is overtaken in a fault, you the spiritual ones restore such a one in the spirit of meekness, considering yourself, lest you also be tempted. 2 Bear one another's burdens, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ.Ó DARBY MATT. 18:15 ¦ ÒBut if thy brother sin against thee, go, reprove him between thee and him alone. If he hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16 But if he do not hear [thee], take with thee one or two besides, that every matter may stand upon the word of two witnesses or of three. 17 But if he will not listen to them, tell it to the assembly; and if also he will not listen to the assembly, let him be to thee as one of the nations and a tax-gatherer.Ó DARBY 1 CORINTH.5:3 ÒFor *I*, [as] absent in body but present in spirit, have already judged as present, 4 [to deliver,] in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ (ye and my spirit being gathered together, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ), him that has so wrought this: 5 to deliver him, [I say,] [being] such, to Satan for destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.Ó DBY 2 THESS. 3: 6 ¦ ÒNow we enjoin you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw from every brother walking disorderly and not according to the instruction which he received from us. . . .14 But if any one obey not our word by the letter, mark that man, and do not keep company with him, that he may be ashamed of himself; 15 and do not esteem him as an enemy, but admonish [him] as a brother.Ó If they fail the Matt. 18:15-18 procedure, then God tells us to treat and relate to them as if they were unsaved. This would be very important for a Christian married to someone of whose salvation he/she is not sure. This uncertainty should be resolved so the Christian could know if his/her instructions are those of 1 Cor. 7:10,11,39 or 1 Cor. 7:12-15. So we are talking about real, sincere and genuine children of God who become involved in divorce etc. and need to know God's will for them. Can a Christian divorce a Christian mate, ask God to forgive them, and then go on and marry another Christian with God's blessing? In Matt. 5:23,24 Jesus says you must not only ask forgiveness but you must attempt to right the wrong for which you seek forgiveness. Zaccheus received Jesus salvation because he not only confessed his sin but also righted his wrongs against others. In Mark 10:11, 12 Jesus did not say, Whoever divorces his wife, asks forgiveness for divorcing his wife and then marries another may be blessed. Not at all, and quite to the contrary. Mark 10:7 ÒFor this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, 8 and the two shall be one flesh; so then they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. . . . 11 And he says to them, Whosoever shall put away his wife and shall marry another, commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman shall put away her husband and shall marry another, she commits adultery.Ó The adultery is not just that he married her in a wedding ceremony, a single event, rather the adultery is that he continues to be married to her and keeps on being married to her. It's not a matter of asking God to forgive you for the wedding ceremony that resulted in you being married. It is a matter of asking God to forgive you for continuing and keeping on being married to your new adulterous mate. The Greek verb is present tense indicative which indicates an on going and continuing condition. The one who put away the other and marries yet another keeps on and continues committing adultery against the one put away as long as the one put away remains put away. So He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another keeps on and continues committing adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she keeps on and continues committing adultery." Matt. 21:28-32 reveals it is the one who regrets the wrong and rights the wrong that does the will of his father. In the context of faithfulness, trustworthiness and covenant keeping >164 Jesus says that it is adultery to repudiate (reject, dismiss, send away, abandon, etc.) and marry another and whoever marries the repudiated wife commits adultery. The wrongs are repudiation with remarriage. He who confesses and covers repudiation with remarriage will not prosper, but whoever agrees with God about repudiation and remarriage and forsakes the repudiation and remarriage will have mercy from God>165 . [Footnotes:>164(Luke 16:1-18). >165 (Prov 28:13)] The omolego confession of 1 John 1:9 means the one who AGREES WITH GOD ABOUT HIS SIN receives His faithful and just forgiveness. To agree with God about the sin of repudiation-with-remarriage adultery means to forsake the repudiation-with-remarriage adultery. It doesn't mean saying "OOPS! I'm so sorry!" and expecting God to forgive you for repudiating/ leaving your mate now that you have married another. The sin to be forsaken is the sin of repudiating/leaving/ putting away the mate to whom you are bound for life in the Lord---and marrying another mate. Just because you confess that you repudiated (or etc.) your saved wife doesn't change the following scriptures ---- MKJV MALACHI 2: 14 ÒYet you say, Why? Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she [is] your companion and your covenant wife. 15 And did He not make [you] one? Yet the vestige of the Spirit [is in] him. And what [of] the one? He was seeking a godly seed. Then guard your spirit, and do not act treacherously with the wife of your youth. 16 The LORD, the God of Israel, says He hates sending away; and to cover [with] violence on his garment, says the LORD of hosts. Then guard your spirit, and do not act treacherouslyÓ MJJV LUKE 16: 15 ÒAnd He said to them, You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God. . . .18 Everyone putting away his wife and marrying another commits adultery; and everyone marrying her who is put away from [her] husband commits adultery.Ó DBY MARK 10: 6 but from [the] beginning of [the] creation God made them male and female. 7 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be united to his wife, 8 and the two shall be one flesh: so that they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. . . . 11 And he says to them, Whosoever shall put away his wife and shall marry another, commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman put away her husband and shall marry another, she commits adultery.Ó DBY ROMANS 7:1 ¦ ÒAre ye ignorant, brethren, (for I speak to those knowing law,) that law rules over a man as long as he lives? 2* For the married woman is bound by law to her husband so long as he is alive; but if the husband should die, she is clear from the law of the husband: 3* so then, the husband being alive, she shall be called an adulteress if she be to another man; but if the husband should die, she is free from the law, so as not to be an adulteress, though she be to another man.Ó DBY 1 CORINTH. 7: 4 ÒThe wife has not authority over her own body, but the husband: in like manner also the husband has not authority over his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud not one another, unless, it may be, by consent for a time, that ye may devote yourselves to prayer, and again be together, that Satan tempt you not because of your incontinency. . . . 10* ¦ But to the married I enjoin, not *I*, but the Lord, Let not wife be separated from husband; 11* (but if also she shall have been separated, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband;) and let not husband leave wife. . . . 39* ¦ A wife is bound for whatever time her husband lives; but if the husband be fallen asleep, she is free to be married to whom she will, only in [the] Lord.Ó These plainly state that you are bound to born-again mate as long as you both live. When God forgives us he washes us and accepts us while at the same time condemning and denouncing the wrong that we did. The confession with forgiveness doesn't undo the sinful deed, but rights the sinner and frees him from the eternal consequences of his sin. In like manner we are told to submit to judgment the sinning saint in his sin >166 and when he renounces and forsakes the sin we forgive and reconcile with him>167 . [Footnontes: >166 (1 Cor. 5:1-11). >167 (2 Cor.2)] 2 Cor 7 makes it plain that worldly sorrow which results in no or inadequate repentance brings judgment while godly sorrow that works genuine repentance from the wrong and sinful act/deed/ thought results in deliverance. We are to diligently, zealously, angrily, earnestly vindicate ourselves by clearing ourselves of the wrong and/or sinful matter (adulterous repudiation-with- remarriage). We are to clear ourselves of the repudiation-with-remarriage that is the adultery. There is no way we can run to the God of the following passages and expect Him to favor and bless the one who breaks his engagement and/or wedding vows, covenants, oaths and promises. MKJV PSALM 15: 1 ¦ ÒA Psalm of David. LORD, who shall dwell in Your tabernacle? . . .2 He who walks uprightly, and works righteousness, and speaks the truth in his heart; . . . [he] has sworn to his hurt, and does not change it; 5 . . . He who does these [things] shall not be moved forever.Ó MKJV ECCLES. 5:4 ¦ ÒWhen you vow a vow to God, do not wait to pay it. For He has no pleasure in fools. Pay that which you have vowed. 5 [it is] better that you should not vow, than that you should vow and not pay. 6 Do not allow your mouth to cause your flesh to sin; do not say before the angel that it [was] an error. Why should God be angry at your voice and destroy the work of your hands?Ó DBY MALACHI 2:14 ÒYet ye say, Wherefore? Because Jehovah hath been a witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt unfaithfully: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. 15 And did not one make [them]? and the remnant of the Spirit was his. And wherefore the one? He sought a seed of God. Take heed then to your spirit, and let none deal unfaithfully against the wife of his youth, 16 (for I hate putting away, saith Jehovah the God of Israel;) and he covereth with violence his garment, saith Jehovah of hosts: take heed then to your spirit, that ye deal not unfaithfully.Ó MKJV ROMANS 1:28 ÒAnd even as they did not think fit to have God in [their] knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do the things not right, 29 . . .[becoming] . . ., haters of God, insolent, covenant-breakers, . . . 32 who, knowing the righteous order of God, that those practicing such things are worthy of death, not only do them, but have pleasure in those practicing [them].Ó You canÕt run to this God of integrity and honor and say, "OOPS! I'm so sorry I repudiated (or etc.) my wife, Carlita, for Sonia and went on and married Sonia. I know you'll forgive me for divorcing my Carlita and breaking my vows and promises to her so I can be blessed by You with my Sonia!" Romans 13:7-14 and l Cor.11:27-33 shows that God holds us responsible to do His right things with those with whom we have to do, and woe to us if we don't. The fouth century's St. Augustine states the seriousness of this situation powerfully in the following: ÒTo such a degree is that marriage compact entered upon a matter of a certain sacrament, that it is not made void even by separation itself, since, so long as her husband lives, even by whom she hath been left, she commits adultery, in case she be married to another: and he who hath left her, is the cause of this evil. . . Seeing that the compact of marriage is not done away by divorce intervening; so that they continue wedded persons one to another, even after separation; and commit adultery with those, with whom they shall be joined, even after their own divorce, either the woman with a man, or the man with a woman. . . But a marriage once for all entered upon in the City of our God, where, even from the first union of the two, the man and the woman, marriage bears a certain sacramental character, can no way be dissolved but by the death of one of them. For the bond of marriage remains, although a family [i.e. children], for the sake of which it was entered upon, do not follow through manifest barrenness; so that, when now married persons know that they shall not have children, yet it is not lawful for them to separate even for the very sake of children, and to join themselves unto others. And if they shall so do, they commit adultery with those unto whom they join themselves, but themselves remain husbands and wives [to each other] . . Therefore the good of marriage throughout all nations and all men stands in the occasion of begetting, and faith of chastity: but, so far as pertains unto the People of God, also in the sanctity of the sacrament, by reason of which it is unlawful for one who leaves her husband, even when she has been put away, to be married to another, so long as her husband lives, no not even for the sake of bearing children: . . . not even where that very thing, wherefore it takes place, follows not, is the marriage bond loosed, save by the death of the husband or wife.Ó [Footnote: >. n102 St. Augustin: On The Trinity; pp. 402, 406, 412] The aim of repentance is reconciliation with people and with God. St. Jerome (340-420 A.D.) stated that "a wife who has been put away, may not, so long as her husband lives, be married to another, or at all events that her duty is to be reconciled to her husband.">103 God is Love and forgiveness, and most people arenÕt. Matt. 5:23,24 and 18:15-18 tell about repentanceÕs reconciliation and how to do it, but when dealing with so-called sinning Òbrothers/sisterÓ>168 and the snared/dead/blind/foolish/ manipulated unsaved>169 reconciliation may not be possible just like fellowship, communion, accord, and agreement>170 are not usually possible or sometimes not even desired with such folks. You repent and right the wrong if possible for your sake and the name of God whether or not reconciliation ever takes place. Your repentance does not depend on the cooperation, or lack of it, of the victim/witness. If they wont cooperate, then you are responsible to do the right you know to do, and you are not responsible to do the right you are unable to do if it requires the cooperation of someone who is unwilling to cooperate. [Footnotes:>.n103 A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church,Vol. VIII; p.353. >168 (1 Cor. 5:9-12; 2 Thess. 3:6-14). >169 (2 Tim. 2:25,26; Ephes. 2:1,2; Psalm 1 and 14). >170 (2Cor. 6:14,15).] Before God you must render that which is due >171 by covenant with your rejected wife. If a Christian brother remarried in adultery, it seems that any vows/ covenants he made with his new wife of adultery, if she were indeed free to marry him, would still be as binding as those he made with any creditor, employer or neighbor. Remarried to his rejected wife in godly sorrow and repentance, any lawful and right covenants he made with the wife of his adultery (and his children by her) that donÕt involve the adultery would still be binding on him and in honor he would be bound by his nonadulterous covenants with her and theirs. Situations like these demand of our leaders the wisdom of Solomon and bold and authoritative teaching from the Word of God about these issues. [Footnote: >171 (Rom. 13:7-10; 1 Cor. 7:1-5)] What about conflicting vows and/or covenants? We are not our own and we are bought with a price >172 so we have no authority to vow or covenant to do something contrary to the will of God. Even in the Old Testament the husband could void any vow made by his wife that was unacceptable to him as her husband, and the father of a daughter could void any vow made by his daughte>173 . As a member of the Bride of Christ, as His bond slave, as His child, He can and surely does void any vow or covenant that we might make that is contrary to His will. [Footnotes:>172 (1 Cor. 6). >173 Numbers 30:1-16] What if the vows or covenants do not involve sin, but they contradict each other? Wouldn't the vow or covenant made first take priority over any contradictory vow or covenant made later---all other things being equal? What if a person made a set of vows/covenants and later found that some of that set of vows/covenants were sinful, contrary to the will of God or voided by another vow/covenant made earlier? Wouldn't only those few vows/ covenants that were wrong be voided by God, leaving standing the rest of the vows/covenants made? When it comes to vows and covenants we need to be very careful to obey James 5:12A>.Ap#7 If we do stick our necks out in a vow/covenant not according to James 4:15, then we need to know that God has no pleasure in fools so we need to keep our word>174 [Footnotes: >.Ap#7 See Appendix #7.p#7 and James 4:13-17A. >174 (Eccles. 5:2-7; Psalm 116:14;; 66:13,14; 15:4; Ezek 17:15-20; Rom. 1:31)] But Gorki may say, "What about my new mate, Lara, and the children we have had since I repudiated (or etc.) Slavania and married Lara?" God's grace and love is big enough for the whole world, as well as his legal but new mate-in-sin Lara and his new children-in- adultery. Gorki is still under God's command of Eph. 6 (etc.) to parent, love and provide for them. But what about Lara?" You know this happens with professing Christians divorcing and remarrying professing Christians in America today! Well, what about Lara? If she is bound by God for life to Stanislavski, then just like King David's Michal (who was "legally" divorced and remarried), she has to return to her Christian husband, Stanislavski, to whom she is bound for life. Gorki may still love Lara and he may have to parent his own children, but Lara is bound to Stanislavski as long as they both live>175 . See the discussion "Can you go home again". [Footnote: >175 (1 Cor. 7; Rom 7)] Ezekiel 16:59 ÒFor thus says the Lord Jehovah: I will even deal with you as you have done, WHO HAVE DESPISED THE OATH, AND BROKEN THE COVENANT. . . . 17: 15 But he rebelled against him . . . Shall he prosper? shall he escape that does such things? SHALL HE BREAK THE COVENANT, AND YET ESCAPE? . . . 16 [As] I live, says the Lord Jehovah, verily in the place of the king that made him king, WHOSE OATH HE DESPISED, AND WHOSE COVENANT HE BROKE, even with him, in the midst of Babylon, shall he die. . . .18 HE DESPISED THE OATH, AND BROKE THE COVENANT; and behold, he had given his hand, yet has he done all these things: he shall not escape. 19 Therefore thus says the Lord Jehovah: [As] I live, verily, MINE OATH WHICH HE HAS DESPISED, AND MY COVENANT WHICH HE HAS BROKEN, EVEN IT WILL I RECOMPENSE UPON HIS HEAD. 20 AND I WILL SPREAD MY NET UPON HIM, AND HE SHALL BE TAKEN IN MY SNARE; . . Ò. XI. CAN YOU COME BACK TOGETHER AND REMARRY AFTER ADULTEROUS REMARRIAGES? Ezekiel 16: 3 . . . ÒThus says the Lord Jehovah unto Jerusalem: Your birth and Your nativity is of the land of the Canaanite: your father was an Amorite, and your mother a Hittite. 8 And I passed by you, and looked upon you, and behold, your time was the time of love; and I spread my skirt over you, and covered your nakedness; and I SWORE UNTO YOU, AND ENTERED INTO A COVENANT WITH YOU says the Lord Jehovah, and you became mine. . . . 15 ¦ But you did confide in your beauty, and played the harlot because of your renown, and poured out your whoredoms on every one that passed by: his it was. . . . . 32 O adulterous wife, that takes strangers instead of her husband. 59 For thus says the Lord Jehovah: I will even deal with you as you have done, WHO HAVE DESPISED THE OATH, AND BROKEN THE COVENANT. 60 ¦ Nevertheless I will remember MY COVENANT with you in the days of your youth, and I will establish unto you an everlasting covenant. 61 And you shall remember your ways, and be confounded, . . . I will give them unto you for daughters, but not by virtue of YOUR COVENANT. 62 And I will establish MY COVENANT WITH YOU, and you shall know that I [am] Jehovah; 63 that you may remember, and be ashamed, and no more open your mouth because of your confusion, when I forgive you all that you have done, says the Lord Jehovah.Ó Should I go back to my godly mate from whom I, a born again believer, was divorced while we were both in the Lord? What does the Word say? Consider God's example, the model he sets for us. Hosea 9: 1 ¦ ÒRejoice not, Israel, exultingly, as the peoples; for you have gone a whoring from your God, you have loved harlot's hire upon every corn- floor. 11: 7 Yea, my people are bent upon backsliding from me: though they call them to the Most High, none at all exalts [him]. 8 ¦ How shall I give you over, Ephraim? [how] shall I deliver you up, Israel? how shall I make you as Admah? [how] shall I set you as Zeboim? My heart is turned within me, my repentings are kindled together. 9 I will not execute the fierceness of mine anger . . . 14:1 ¦ O Israel, return unto Jehovah your God; for you have fallen by your iniquity. 2 Take with you words, and turn to Jehovah; say unto him, Forgive all iniquity, and receive [us] graciously; so will we render the calves of our lips. . . . neither will we say any more to the work of our hands, [You are] our God; because in you the fatherless finds mercy. 4 ¦ I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely; for mine anger is turned away from him. 5 I will be as the dew unto Israel: he shall blossom as the lily, and cast forth his roots as Lebanon. . . . 7 They shall return and sit under his shadow; they shall revive [as] corn, and blossom as the vine: . . . 9 Who is wise, and he shall understand these things? intelligent, and he shall know them? For the ways of Jehovah are right, and the just shall walk in them; but the transgressors shall fall therein.Ó Gen. 2:24 ÒTherefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.>104. For the permanence of the relationship the focus is on the word "cleave" which in the Hebrew means "cling or adhere; . . . abide fast, cleave (fast together), follow close (hard after), be joined (together), keep (fast), overtake, pursue hard, stick, take.">105. Thayer says it means "to glue upon, glue to">106. If God commands the husband to conduct himself in this manner towards his wife, then he had better do it if he wants a good future with God, because to disobey would be death>176 . Being under this command would certainly bind a man to his wife as long as both lived. [Footnotes>104. King James Version. The Holy Scriptures According to the Masoretic Text agrees with the meaning. >105. Strong''s Exhaustive Concordance. >106. Greek English Lexicon of the New Testament; Joseph Henry Thayer, D.D.; American Book Co., New York, 1889 . >176 Rom. 1:28-32; 1 Cor. 5:5-11; 11:30,31,32.] The Jewish Septuagint (third century B.C.) for Gen. 2:24 uses the same word for "cleave" that Jesus uses in Matt. 19:5. The word used for cleave in the LXX's Gen. 2:24 and Jesus' Matt. 19:5 means the following: 1. According to Thayer --- "to join one's self to closely, cleave to, stick to"; and 2. According to Arndt & Gingrich ---"adhere closely to, be faithfully devoted to, join ÒtiniÓ someone">107 . The Greek tense in both is future indicative passive which means that this is what they shall have themselves doing in the future on a regular basis. You say that it is not a command? Jesus seems to differ with you both in Malachi 2, where He says the husband who breaks his marital agreement with his wife is under His wrath, and in Matt 19:6 where Jesus says "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, man must not separate." Based on the truth of Ephes. 1:11 (He "works all things according to the counsel of His own will") and Rom. 13:1-3 ("For there is no power but of God; the authorities that be are ordained by God"), every legal and moral marriage is ordained or allowed by God and takes place under His control, so indeed God has joined them. That's why we can trust God with 1 Cor. 7:17- 28, that we are to remain married to the person we are married to when we are saved. So in this case, even 1 Cor. 7 speaks of the binding nature of marriage. So Jesus makes binding >177 the cleaving>178 and the one flesh experience that we know as marriage. [Footnotes:{>.{n107 A GREEK-ENGLISH LEXICON OF THE NEW TESTAMENT and Other Early Christian Literature ; By W.F.Arndt & F. W. Gingric. >177 (Mt. 19:6). >178 (Mt. 19:5).] What do the experts say? There is no controversy that marriages, divorces, and remarriages that happened before one was saved are not binding on the new convert to Christ. The case of the one who is saved while married to an unsaved person has some controversy>179 . But what is the Word for those Christians who have married, divorced and remarried all since they were genuinely and fruitfully saved and walking in loving obedience to the Savior? Consider the following: [Footnote: >179 1 Corinth. 7:12,13,14,15] ÒIn the present modern tangle of marriage, divorce, and remarriage the Christian Church, in dealing with converts and repentant members, is often compelled to accept the situation as it is.Ó>108 [Footnote: >..n108 The New Bible Dictionary, J.D. Douglas Ph.D. p..790.] ÒIn the NT divorce seems to be forbidden absolutely. . . Our Lord teaches that the OT permission was a concession to a low moral standard, and was opposed to the ideal of marriage as an inseparable union of body and soul. . . But remarriage also closes the door to reconciliation, which on Christian principles ought always to be possible; cf. the teaching of Hosea and Jer. 3; Hermas [2nd Cent. AD] (Mand. iv.1) allows no re-marriage, and lays great stress on the taking back of a repentant wife.Ó>109 [Footnote: >..n109 HASTINGS DICTIONARY OF THE BIBLE; p. 586.] ÒTo such a degree is that marriage compact entered upon a matter of a certain sacrament, that it is not made void even by separation itself, since, so long as her husband lives, even by whom she hath been left, she commits adultery, in case she be married to another: and he who hath left her, is the cause of this evil. . . Seeing that the compact of marriage is not done away by divorce intervening; so that they continue wedded persons one to another, even after separation; and commit adultery with those, with whom they shall be joined, even after their own divorce, either the woman with a man, or the man with a woman. . . But a marriage once for all entered upon in the City of our god, where, even from the first union of the two, the man and the woman, marriage bears a certain sacramental character, can no way be dissolved but by the death of one of them. . . Therefore the good of marriage throughout all nations and all men stands in the occasion of begetting, and faith of chastity: but, so far as pertains unto the People of God, also in the sanctity of the sacrament, by reason of which it is unlawful for one who leaves here husband, even when she has been put away, to be married to another, so long as her husband lives, no not even for the sake of bearing children: . . . not even where that very thing, wherefore it takes place, follows not, is the marriage bond loosed, save by the death of the husband or wife.Ó>75 [Footnote: >. 75 St. Augustin: On The Trinity; pp. 402, 406, 412. ] Since the only terms of divorce are given in Deut 24:1-4 which was superseded by Matt. 19:1-15 and 1 Cor. 7:10-15,39, it is clear that marriage is a life long relationship based on the covenants of the couple and on God's command not to be put asunder or put asunder the relationship. What about Deut. 24:1-5? Does it set some kind of precedent or establish some kind of principle that would loose a godly couple from the binding nature of their relationship before God? Deut. 23:13 = Òand you shall have a trowel on your girdle; and it shall come to pass when you would relieve yourself abroad, that you shall dig with it, and shall bring back the earth and cover your {nuisance}. 14 Because the Lord your God walks in your camp to deliver you . . . and your camp shall be holy, and there shall not appear in you A {DISGRACEFUL THING}>111. , and so he shall turn away from you. . . Ò [Footnote: >111. {caps mine}; same Hebrew words in both Dt. 23:14 as in Dt 24:3 in LXX.] Deut. 24:3= ÒAnd if any one should take a wife, and should dwell with her, then it shall come to pass if she should not have found favour before him, because he has found some {UNBECOMING THING} >111. in her, that he shall write for her a bill of divorcement and give it into her hands, and he shall send her away out of his house. 4. And if she should go away and be married to another man; 5. and the last husband should hate her, and write for her a bill of divorcement; and should give it into her hands, and send her away out of his house, and the last husband should die, who took here to himself for a wife; 6. the former husband who sent her away shall not be able to return and take her to himself for a wife, after she has been defiled; because it is an abomination before the Lord your God, and you shall not defile the land which the Lord thy God gives you to inherit.Ó>112. [Old English updated] [Footnote: *>111. ditto: caps mine; same Hebrew words in both Dt. 23:14 as in Dt 24:3 in LXX. >112. Please see The Septuagint Version; 1972; Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Mich.] Deut. 23:15. . . Ò that He see no {UNSEEMLY THING}>113. in thee, and turn away from thee.Ó Deut. 24:1-4 . . . Òbecause he hath found some {UNSEEMLY>114. THING}>115. in her, . . .Ó>116. [Footnote: (>113. caps mine; same Hebrew word in Deut 23:15 as in Deut 24:1. >114. "unseemly thing" = American Standard Version; Thomas Nelson; 1901. >115. {caps mine}; same Hebrew word in Deut 23:15 as in Deut 24:1. >116. The Holy Scriptures According to the Masoretic Text] Deut. 23:14 . . . ÒHe must not see anything {INDECENT}>117. among you lest He turn away from you. . .Ó Deut. 24:1-4 . . . Òhe has found some {INDECENCY}>118. in her. . Ò>119. [Footnote: >117. {caps} mine; same Hebrew word in Deut 23:14 as in Deut 24:1. >118. ditto:{caps} mine; same Hebrew word in Deut 23:14 as in Deut 24:1. . . >119. Holy Bible New American Standard; 1977.] Thank God for the originals so that we can see that the Hebrew word used in Deut 23 is the same as used in Deut. 24, and that it apparently means anything deemed or decreed by God to be unholy, a sin or an abomination. In Deut 23 that includes human feces and excrement which God made know by law to His people that it was unclean and defiling in His eyes. Using the Word the way the Spirit used the Word would enable us to understand that whatever the husband found in the wife that was "unseemly" or "indecent", was something expressly and explicitly declared by God to be unholy and defiling in His Word. This included any of the bodily ailments that resulted in an unnatural excretion or flow of bodily fluids, things like leprosy, running sores, and figurative things that made you unholy like idolatry and breaking the commandments of God through Moses. The word rendered "indecency" in the phrase "he has found some indecency" means something expressly and explicitly declared by God to be unholy and defiling in His Word, including any of the bodily ailments that resulted in an unnatural excretion or flow of bodily fluids, things like leprosy, running sores, and figurative things that made you unholy like idolatry and breaking the commandments of God through Moses. The word rendered "defiled" in the phrase " not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled" is used by God of sexual defilement>180 , spiritual defilement >181 defilement by death or bodily emissions>182 . [Footnote: >180 (Gen. 34:5,13; Lev. 18:24; Num. 5:13- 29). >181 (Lev. 19:31; Ezek. 22:4; 23:7). >182 (Lev. 15:32; 21:1-3).] This means that the "indecency" or "unseemliness" that led Benhadad to divorce Lohana could be the