I believe Jesus because of the historical and physical evidence, because of the spiritual evidence, because He save me from self-destruction, because He has repeatedly saved my life, because He forgives and heals the broken hearted, and because He cherishes orphans, widows, prisoner, outcasts, losers, and the needy. Why I believe Jesus! COPYRIGHT © by L. Tyler 1997 oldservant@mindspring.com lovenchosen@hotmail.com P.O.Box 620763, San Diego, CA 92162-0763 Hello! I don't belive in God and I don't belive that Jesus died for me! I belive in 2 things, LOVE and myself and that's it! So, I understand that you belive in God, why? / TEZZ ***Where do I begin? He is my life, the reason I am still alive today, my ultimate reality. But let me try. I'll send my reply to you in several segments so as not to overwhelm you. Most of it you have already read in the large file I originally sent to you, but this time I would like to share more of my life with Jesus withyou. Let's start where I started. As a student of history and archaeology I knew and know that there is more concrete confirming secular evidence for the people and places found in the Bible than there is evidence for all of the Roman Ceasars combined, than there is evidence for Socrates and Plato, than there is evidence for Anthony and Cleopatra, than there is for the Egyptian pharaohs, than there is for Shakespeare or El Cid. I've seen it, studied it and I am persuaded that Jesus actually lived and died when the Bible said He did. Of course secular history cannot confirm His miraculous birth or His miraculous resurrection because all we have is eye witness acounts to events that can only be accepted by faith, or rejected by disbelief. But I have long known that the supernatural is very real and not a function of mental telepathy or ESP. The mother of one of my high school sweethearts was a practicing witch/medium using ouiji boards with her spirits moving the ouiji, making windows open and shut, making things fly across the room and crash. My brother is a practicing New Age channeler/medium/ sorcerer who invokes his "spirit guides" (demons) to speak through him, to roll up solid silver knives and spoons in front of friends and his classes, doing Tarot cards etc. And then there are my own encounters with the unseen powers of darkness that were as real as my body, my car , my house etc. So I know for a fact that there are unseen, invisible, powerful and intelligent beings involved in our lives. Knowing that they are real leads to the question, "What and who are they?" If you know that spirit beings are real, then it is no problem to believe in the possibility of a spirit being who calls himself God, and who says he revealed himself as Jesus; or to believe in the existence of angels and demons and spiritual powers and entities. Believing in the supernatural yet fully aware of the science of statistics and probability, I am persuaded of Jesus' realness by the way He miraculously answers prayer. The most credible case that was documented for decades was the George Mueller Orphan Homes of Bristol England. Between Mueller's own documentation, his accounting books, the public press and news media, it is conclusively shown that George Mueller rarely, if ever, let anyone but his immediate associates and family know of his needs and the needs of the thousands of orphans under his care. For over twenty years God, in answer only to prayer, miraculously provided for their needs and Mueller's needs without Mueller getting any money from the government, from fundraising activities, from church solicitations, from public appeals, from public notices of need.. The local press, churches and charities rarely knew the needs of Mueller and his orphans. It is possible still today to examine his books, his records and the public record of his activities with the orphanages. It is supernatural and miraculous, far beyond luck and probabilities, that tens of millions of dollars went through Mueller's hand for the orphans in answer only to his prayers and the benevolence of God. There is no comparable record for any other "god" on earth, not Allah, not Buddha, not Krishna-------no other "god" has such a record of miraculous provision for orphans, widows and the needy. But why do I believe in Jesus instead of the other spiritual beings out there that manifest themselves in Religious people, Islam, Hedonism, Krishna, Buddha etc. worship? First because I believe that the Way, the Life, the Unselfish and Compassionate Cherishing and the Truth offered by Jesus is the best in the World. I delight in the fact that way of Jesus has no victim class, no group of people designated to be treated unlovingly and unkindly. Religious people, Islam, Existentialism, Hedonism, Krishna, Buddha, Marx, Nitche and etc. teach that there are those who are destined to be poor and oppressed and that that is their lot which they must accept and you have no continuing responsibility to help them apart from token charity. I delight in the fact in Jesus all human life is precious and of value and is designated to be loved. Religious people, Islam, Existentialism, Hedonism, Krishna, Buddha, Marx, Nitche and etc. teach that some human life is better than others, some human life (the unwanted unborn, disabled, aged etc.) is better off dead because of their "inferior quality of life" ----- better dead than a burden on society. I delight in the fact that all people ( of all races, of all ethnicities, of all backgrounds, of all persuasions, of all socio-economic classes) are to be unselfishly and compassionately cherished according to Jesus. Religious people, Islam, Existentialism, Hedonism, Krishna, Buddha, Marx, Nitche and etc. teach some races/ethnicities/ classes are better than others and deserve favoritism and special treatment; and maintain that is good to deny the undesriables such treatment on the basis that they are inferior or unworthy, or just different from those in power. I delight in the awesome unconditional nature of the Love of Jesus for those who choose Him and His Love. He offers His eternal and unconditional compassionate cherishing to all in fairness so that those who want to share in His eternal and unconditional compassionate cherishing, Enlightenment and Truth may enter into the fullness of His joy and be with Him forever. He will not force His way on anyone. He will not force His Heaven and Life on anyone. In fairness and justice He has prepared a place for those who don't want Him, His Truth, His enlightenment, His eternal life, and His unselfish and compassionate cherishing. He respects everyone's right to choose and He gives everyone a chance to choose in their lifetime. He wants those who choose Him to be whith Him forever in a forever Love feast of mercy, compassion, peace, harmony, unity and beauty. € Because He delivered me from suicide and gave me a rich and abundant life filled with Love and joy. By the age of twelve (just finished seventh grade) I was almost 5' 10" tall and weighed about 140 lbs. and I had a pretty bad record in the community. I had a "D" average for grades K - 6. I was spanked at least each month by the principal for misconduct and I was either suspended or expelled each semester starting with the fourth grade through the sixth grade. In the seventh grade I had a "C-" average with a lot of "D's" in conduct and I was getting into trouble with the girls. I had been kicked out of my church's youth group because I kept on breaking up the meetings by goofing off and clowning around. I believed in God and the Bible, but I sure didn't know Him personally and I figured He was unhappy with me like everybody else. I figured, at 12, that there was no Love in the world, that every body only had user unfriendly conditional love, selfish love, and I decided I didn't want to live in a world where there was no Love. I didn't believe there was any Love on earth and for sure I didn't believe that my mom and dad loved me. My mom was so desperate to salvage her first born son that she decided to force me to go to the church's September Palomar camp in hope of a miracle. On the way to Palomar on the church bus, I decided that since there was no Love on earth, I would either jump off Laurel St. Bridge in Balboa Park or join the local street and motorcycle gang, drinking, smoking marijuana and fooling around with the girls until I got killed like some I knew. That night at camp I saw people doing something I had never seen before, consistently and sincerely loving on each other and joyful. I wanted what they had desperately so I decided I would imitate them so maybe I could fit and they would accept me into their joyful and loving society. I knew what they had was real when I got up that next freezing morning on Mt. Palomar, walked into the men's room and saw guys really joyful and really loving each other, heart to heart and eye to eye. All the more I decided that I wanted what they had and tried to imitate them so I could at least be accepted by them, if I couldn't have what they had. On a noon hike that Saturday I was hanging out on the edge of the group, trying to fit in and catch what they had. I tripped over a Manzanita root and meant to say "shoot" but said "sheet" instead, and said it loud enough for THEM to hear. I knew that "sheet" was "shit" with a Mexican accent to THEM and I felt I had totally blown my cover and that THEY all now knew that I wasn't really one of them, but a faker. I blew up over that Manzanita root, kicking it and hitting the bush while verbally overflowing with stuff like "Doggone it! What's wrong with me! I can't do anything right! I always mess up! Just about the time I think I got it right, then I mess up! What the heck is wrong with me!" Now I don't know if she was an angel or not. I never saw her before or after that encounter with the bush. I never got her name. Later when I tried to figure out who she was, I thought that maybe it was a young lady at church who looked a lot like her, but she denied that it was her. Well whoever she was, she came gently over to me as I was kicking the root and hitting the tree and verbally dumping. She quietly stood beside me and asked me if I would like to know why I do things like I was doing, why I mess up. Well you know that I wanted to know that, because I was sick and tired of messing up, especially after messing up in the presence of the first real joyful and loving people I ever knew. So she asked me to sit down on a big rock over looking Don Valley on Palomar Mt. and she proceeded to explain to me why I messed and how Jesus could still Love a jerk like me. For the next three hours she showed me, gently and patiently, how and why Jesus Loved me. I believed Jesus was real, but I sure didn't think that He Loved me. The proof that persuaded me that God not only could but actually did Love me was that Christ died for me. I could argue with most other points, but I couldn't deny that Jesus died. Even unbelievers believed Jesus lived and died. To me that was a historical fact that few disputed. So when I saw that I had solid historical evidence that Jesus died, I was ready to seriously consider that just maybe He Loved me enough to really die for me. I respected and believed the Bible, so when she showed me book after book, chapter after chapter, verse after verse that plainly stated that the reason Jesus died (that solid historical fact), was because God so Loved me and the world and because He wanted to Love me as Father, as Shepherd, as King, as Deliverer in a very intimate and personal relationship, - - - - my eyes began to see, my mind to understand my heart wanted that Love. When she showed me why He let them kill Him, that it was His choice, that He died to take my place in the court of Divine Justice------- well she had me. I couldn't deny that he died, and she persuaded that God so Loved me that He sent His only begotten Son to die in my place so that I could be His child ------- Eureka! Yahoo! I had discovered the Love I was looking for, a Love that I could live for, a Love to give my life to and for. I already believed that He rose from the dead and was coming back. Now I could have a relationship with the GOD who was Love. I believed her, accepted Him and got all excited. I told her that I had to check all of this out with the youth sponsor, Chuck Hill, to make sure that all that she told me was right on. If she were an angel, then I can see why I had to check it out with Chuck, because the Bible makes it plain that soul-winning is the work, not of angels, but of the Spirit and his human servants. After Chuck confirmed everything the woman had told me, I tanked him and went up the other hill side to pray my prayer of thanks, believing, receiving and trusting Jesus as my God and Saviour. I was such a babe I didn't realize that I had been born again as soon as I talked to Chuck, because I believed and had faith in Jesus and His Word as soon a Chuch confirmed it all. I believed and was born again even before I made my big formal acceptance prayer. Talk about a radical life change! Within a month of my 8th grade year (Oct. or Nov.) my grades averaged "B", I was a leader in my church youth group, my school's Bible club (the girls had a hard time believing I had changed), and I determined to do what I could do for my messed up family, especially my mom and dad. I don't know if that young lady was an angel, but I never saw her again at that camp after that three hour talk. I never saw her again anywhere at anytime. Nobody else knew about her. But God used her to keep your Dad from jumping off the Laurel St. bridge or dying with the street and motorcycle gangsters, perhaps so I could be your dad. € Because He has miraculously saved my life so many times. I have searched and meditated on these and there is no other explanation acceptable to me ---- He miraculously and mercifully saved my life. Luck couldn't even come close to explaining what happened, according to the science of Statistics and Probability. DELIVERED FROM ELECTROCUTION Then there was the time my dad told me to cut the electric wire with the all metal scissors and bare hands (no insulation at all). I asked if the current was off and he said he had turned it off. Well he hadn't and instead of me getting the shock of my life, the flaming electric current just blew a 3/16ths" hole through the cutting blade of the steel scissors in my bare hands. DELIVERED FROM MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING The driving miracles are the ones I like the best. There was the convenient driving miracle. I was helping drive a medical "missionary" and his large family from Sacramento CA to the county of Belize (British Honduras). We arrived a Laredo Texas with some tire problems. The garage mechanic, unfriendly from the start, told us we needed two new front tires and inner tubes (1962). He and his crew were sullen and unfriendly and seemed to resent the Christian stuff the medic had on his big bus and on the little van I was driving. So they put two new tires and inner tubes on the front of the van I drove. We were glad to leave such hostile people and spent the rest of the day driving into Mexico and Ciudad Victoria of Tamaulipas. Just before sunset and after a long hot day driving over very rough road and rough country (with no AAA help available) I began to drive up a bridge that arched over another highway on the outskirts of Cd. Victoria. With a full load of kids and luggage I slowed to under 30 mph going up the arch, probably the safest driving situation all day, when both front tires popped and went flat. There I am at the top of this arch bridge with two flat front tires. What to do? Providentially there were nice motel accommodations 100 yds further along and one block from the "motel" was a tire factory. I love the good Lord's planning. So it was easy and convenient to get the tire fixed and get some rest. The next morning the guys at the tire factory changed the tires and were perplexed by what they found. They found that the inner tubes were at least three sizes too big for those tires, that that had caused there to be creases in the inner tubes and that there were 3 to 5 cracks in the creases big enough to slip a 50 cent piece through. He didn't understand why any mechanic would put such large inner tubes in our tires,and he didn't understand how we had managed to drive so far before having any problems. If the tires had given out at any other time that day at high speeds on rough roads the results could have been tragic, or at least very inconvenient and difficult to deal with. We thanked Jesus in amazement. #5 DELIVERED FROM MORE OF MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING Then there was Mexico's Yucatan jungle driving miracle of 1962. See the picture page.I was driving vehicle #3 and the medic was driving #1 in the same direction. When we came to this stretch of dirt highway under construction suddenly I became confused and drove on into the dust of his bus #1. I knew that what I had seen before the dust was a straight stretch of three lane wide dirt road elevated about 6' above the surrounding swamp. I did the dumb thing of deciding that I should try to catch up to the bus in the dense dust and keep it in sight. I was driving blind and getting more alarmed by the moment. I didn't know for sure where I was on the road going that fast (35 mph +). (sorry the picture was lost when I changed this to text only) Suddenly I see this large dirt moving diesel truck #2 directly in front of me headed right at me---- head on collision imminent. Instinctively I turned hard to the right only to realize that would send me and the kids into the swamp, so in terror I made a hard left and slammed on the brakes because I had no idea where I was on the road which I couldn't see because of all the dust. My heart was racing and I was praying hard trying to regain my composure so as not to alarm the kids. My hands were sweaty and trembling as I waited for the dust to clear. After what seemed to be forever, I could see our predicament. I had parked perfectly parallel to the edge of the dirt road with only 2" or 3" from my right side tires to the drop off! I could not have parked that well even if I could have seen the edge of the road! I can't park parallel that well even today! And if I could have seen what I was doing, I would never have parked so close to the edge of the road. So I figure Jesus used my foolish, panicky and sweaty hands driving blind to miss the truck and park perfectly with no damage to vehicles and no injury to persons. So I sat there waiting for my heart and breathing to slow down, and began to realize I had another problem. This dirt soft shoulder was so soft it even looked soft and I realized that with the rear drive wheel on that soft shoulder just 2" from the drop off, that soft shoulder could give way under the weight and the van still fall into the swamp. Afraid to do anything on the swamp side of the van, we all got out the driver's door. The dirt truck #3 came back to see what happened to us and the medic #1 came back to see what was the problem. They agreed with the assessment of the problem and tied tow ropes to the side of the van and the dirt truck so that when I drove the van away from the edge, the van would not fall into the swamp even if the soft shoulder gave way. This experience gave the idea of "leaving the driving to Him" a whole new meaning and made me learn the hard learned lesson to never drive blind again. #7. DELIVERANCE FROM MORE OF MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING It was in the mid 1970's. The road out of Valley Center to Escondido was just a two laner, one lane each way. I had had a long had day at my job on Mt. Palomar at the La Jolla Indian Reservation. I wanted to get home to my wife and kids. I had just driven out of the flat area of Valley Center and was at the top of the two lane two way descent to Escondido. There was a big diesel milk truck with two full milk trailers followed by three passenger cars and lastly myself. Real quick I realized that the truck was using his gears to brake his speed down the hill and he was going to be very slow going all the way down. I couldn't figure why none of the other passenger cars passed the truck since the oncoming lane was clear. Full of stupidity and impatience I decided to pass all three passenger cars as well as the milk trailers and diesel. Just as I pulled out to make my pass, the car in front of me pulled out in front of me to pass all the others. I had to swerve hard to the left to avoid hitting that car. The last thing I saw was the retaining 2' wall and the drop off about 6'-8' in front of me closing very fast. I don't recall ever making any move to avoid hitting the wall and going over the cliff. The next thing I knew was that I was about 100 yards ahead of the diesel, milk trailers and the three passenger cars which were still behind the milk truck. I have no idea why I didn't hit the wall and go over. I have no idea of how I got in front of the milk truck and cars. I never cease to be amazed at how Jesus can drive my car when I am asleep, have fainted or whatever. I am unable to doubt this kind of Jesus who rescues even the stupid from their own deep pudding. Doesn't it make you afraid to be on the road with me? It does me! Thank God for God! #9. DELIVERANCE FROM MORE OF MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING Then there is my Home Federal miracle. Perhaps this added to the demise of Home Federal????? :) :) I worked three 12 hour graveyard shifts each week as a mail and message courier driving company vehicles. It was my third shift and I used everything to keep me awake (coffee, coca cola, hamburgers, chocolate, etc.) to help me stay awake because I was so very tired. It didn't work. One morning after my shift, I drove my wife to work and then tried to drive my self and my three daughters home. The sun was rising and was in my exhausted eyes as I tried to drive us east to El Cajon from downtown San Diego. The sun was too much for my exhausted eyes so I had to stop at 70th/Lake Murry Dr. and sleep in Denny's parking lot until I could drive the kids and I home. It was very hard for them to understand but they watched over sleeping me for almost two hours before they woke me up because they were worried what the Denny's employee in the parking lot was thinking (he was staring at us for so long). It was 5:30 am and sunrise (the sun finished off my eyes). I was driving the 1/2 ton pick up Toyota truck south on 163 going downtown with a full load of mail, tapes, microfiche, print outs and reports for branches up the coast. I had just cleared Hwy 8 heading south on 163. The next thing I remember or knew was that the left front wheel and the left rear wheel were on top of the elevated center divider and I was somewhere on 163 under Washington or University or Robinson. I can't believe what I see or where I am. The fence on the elevated divider is angled so that you can't drive on the divider. I'm going about 50+mph and the fence is closing on me giving me the choice of hitting it at 50+ mph or driving off of the divider at 50+mph with traffic all around me. I shout-prayed JESUS!!! , held on to the wheel for dear life, and drove off of the center divider before hitting the fence. The truck rocked hard but miraculously amateur driver (not stunt driver) me managed to maintain control and come out of the whole incident with no damage to the truck, the contents or me. You couldn't pay me enough to try that trick again awake driving anything but a stunt car with big roll bars, safety gear and no more than a quarter gallon of gas. Again I left the driving to Him. €€€ Because He heals and restores to wholeness the brokenhearted, enabling them to find forgiveness and Love again. *************AND THEN THERE WAS LYNN********************* ‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡ A DEDICATION: CAROL LYNN MCINTYRE She is black and so many delicious shades of brown. Her skin looks more delicious than anything I have ever eaten. She moves gracefully with strength and purpose in her steps, unaware of her awesome beauty. I call out her precious name, almost to make sure she's real and not a dream. She turns and looks me in the eye and then suddenly smiles so radiantly I almost lose my breath. It seems as if she glows! I drink her in as she flows towards me with her arms open wide. The face I see is Love. How I love her eyes and her mouth, filled with kindness and gentleness----from which I fear no hurt or unkindness. She laughs and it sounds like music. We touch and my heart soars. We embrace and I put my lips on her delicious skin. She is so delicious it is hard to keep my mouth off of her. As the Sun shines on her clean, soft and oiled skin I'm fascinated by the tiny tints of red, orange, yellow and all the browns that twinkle up at me. She is sooooo soft and firm, so full of life! We look into each others' eyes, hers sparkling----we look long and deep and our souls touch---and then suddenly it seems a cloud of uncertainty, self-doubt, personal fears, or haunting memories moves across her face and the lovely pools of her eyes are troubled. I kiss her passionately and hold her ever so close, wishing I could pull right into my heart and soul and bathe her in my love, wanting to make it all right for her. Hesitantly I look again hoping her radiance has returned and Yes! the cloud has passed and her face is radiant again. What I see in her face fills my heart. All is well. We two as one set out together to face and deal with our world. We faced our world together so much in love. I thought she was so incredibly wonderful moving there before me bare and beautiful that honeymoon night. I thought I had been given the most wonderful queen for my heart to love. I worshipped her in her dark beauty. How could I be so blessed? In ecstasy she said she could make love all night long that Halloween weekend. Halloween darkness and death covered my eyes and blinded me. It polluted my mind and it whispered "You are not good enough for her. She will find out that you aren't good enough for her and she will leave you for another." The hissing lie believed, my heart deceived, my soul backed off and the work of death began. My queen now became my torment, her excellence rebuking me for being so presumptuous as to dare to mingle with the gods by loving one of their own. My heart was chilled with fear that my wonderful goddess would suddenly see me as I really was and her passionate desire would turn to loathing. Couldn't she see I was all crippled and broken inside? She said she loved me for my voice before we met. When we met I was so amazed my mouth hung open in amazement and my eyes couldn't open wide enough to behold her glory. Her laughter rang like bells and chimes all about us. She flowed to me and into my life. My heart opened wider than my eyes and welcomed her in, pouring my love upon her in every way I could imagine. She felt more loved than she had ever felt before. She gave herself to me in our engagement and our bodies merged into oneness as our souls had. I accepted her love without reservation and gave her my love without reservation. She blessed me in the same manner. I felt my soul could fly no higher. The golden spell that had blessed our courtship was cracking apart as some dark frozen glacier, one small piece at a time. I forgot she was a mere mortal with a tender heart and a history of adversities. I forgot that her heart was as tender as her breasts. I forgot that though she was bold and out going like her breasts, she was as sensitive as they and in need of support and protection. Blinded by unreasoned love I thought her to be a goddess and worshipped her, when she wanted me to lead her in the worship of my Jesus. Blinded by unreasoned love she thought me above weakness and fear. So when that Halloween darkness crept into my soul, and in its brokenness and open wounds the darkness found a hiding place, a place for it to root and grow. By that honeymoon night my soul became the prisoner of the fear of losing her love, fear of failing her, fear of not being enough for and fear of losing her to another. All she wanted me to do was just to keep on loving her as we had since our engagement. I stepped from the glorious light of our love into the wretched darkness of my fear. My darling Carol Lynn couldn't believe that her prince charming was dying within. She didn't feel the chill and darkness that had just entered the room. Fear leaves such devastation. In her torment she felt she was to blame for the cold iceman that I was becoming. She sought counsel, tried to provoke me, tried to make me jealous---each resulting in a veil of tears for her. Then my tormented goddess sought to kill herself if our love could not be restored. I asked her parents to come and get her since I was afraid to leave her alone----------they dragged her away from me as she wept and wailed begging me not to let them take her. I just stood there and watched. Oh God have mercy on my soul! The damned darkness of damned divorce crept between us. I begged her to return, begged for forgiveness and apologized for failing her-------but when she didn't answer for a week I sought the loving I yearned for in the arms of another wonderful dark queen. I had given up. I thought she would never come back to one so unworthy as I. I felt I had to have the love of a wonderful dark queen so that I could know that I was still lovable, that I could know the love of a wonderful dark queen again. My Lynn came that night and found me with the other. Her last words were "Oh no, Ron!!!!!!!! I never had another chance with her. Hollywood got her and messed her up so badly she had to have a total hysterectomy and was in pain daily taking powerful pain killers. She sought shelter and help in her childhood home with her parents. She built her nest in her childhood bedroom, her heart broken, her spirit twisted, her soul so gravely wounded that no one knew if she could ever fly again-------my Lynn who had soared in the heights with eagles and falcons. Her pain. The pain wouldn't stop. "Oh please make this pain stop! Let me take my pills. I have eaten and I'll just take these pain pills and lie down to rest. Oh! My soul is so weary! When will the pain stop? To sleep, yes sleep. I'm so tired. I'll just sleep a little. It's so good to be home where I can feel safe, with Dad here. I love him so much." And my beloved Carol Lynn McIntyre laid herself down to sleep in the bed of her childhood bedroom----so safe-- --safe at last. "What's wrong! I can't think---I feel so groggy. What's happening?! Oh God, I'm going to vomit! Help!----------" And as she inhaled that last time-----My queen! My goddess! My darling young wife-------------she inhaled her vomit and died. Oh God! Dear God! Would that it were I! Oh turn back the clock and take my soul instead! Oh God------my heart is broken! Why should I be above the ground and my brilliant and beautiful young Lynn, my dark queen, be there beneath the ground? Oh God be merciful to me! I feel the millstone around my neck. I don't deserve your forgiveness but I would die without it. Yet she lives and is loved in the deepest depths of my soul though the grief and pain wont let me dwell on my wonderful memories of her and us--- My Scotch-Irish-Welsh heart grieves over my dark Queen. God gave me a daughter who could pass for Lynn's sister, a wonderful woman, a daughter upon whom I can pour out all the love I feel for Lynn. And God showed me what I did wrong with Lynn and taught me how not to make those terrible mistakes again. My three wonderful daughters are the products of His Love working through me. I lost my dark queen, and He gave me three wonderful dark queens to help heal my grief. Thank you, Jesus! Dear God, please heal the hearts of Lynn's family. ‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡ **************AND THEN THERE WAS BEVERLY***************** ‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡ A DEDICATION: BEVERLY DIANE LANDERS TYLER She is black and so many delicious shades of brown. Her skin looks more delicious than anything I have ever eaten. She moves gracefully with strength and purpose in her steps, unaware of her awesome beauty. In fact she didn't even think she was beautiful and she was mystified by my desire of her. At first she couldn't even believe that I felt such deep romantic and affectionate love for her. She was so gentle, so humble, so sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet I could hardly keep my mouth and hands off of her. To the world she wasn't a cover girl beauty, but to me the beauty in her eyes flooded out and over her so that she walked in beauty to me. She filled up my heart and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She turns and looks me in the eye and then suddenly smiles so radiantly my heart leaps for joy. It seems as if she glows! I drink her in as she flows towards me with her arms open wide. The face I see is Love. How I love her eyes and her mouth, filled with kindness and gentleness----from which I fear no hurt or unkindness. She laughs and it sounds like music. We touch and my heart soars. We embrace and I put my lips on her delicious skin. She is so delicious it is hard to keep my mouth off of her. As the Sun shines on her clean, soft and oiled skin I'm fascinated by the tiny tints of red, orange, yellow and all the browns that twinkle up at me. She is sooooo soft and firm, so full of life! We look into each others' eyes, hers sparkling----we look long and deep and our souls touch---and then suddenly it seems a cloud of uncertainty, self-doubt, personal fears, or haunting memories moves across her face and the lovely pools of her eyes are troubled. I kiss her passionately and hold her ever so close, wishing I could pull right into my heart and soul and bathe her in my love, wanting to make it all right for her. Hesitantly I look again hoping her radiance has returned and Yes! the cloud has passed and her face is radiant again. What I see in her face fills my heart. All is well. We two as one set out together to face and deal with our world. We faced our world together so much in love. I thought she was so incredibly wonderful moving there before me bare and beautiful that honeymoon night. I thought I had been given the most wonderful queen for my heart to love. I worshipped her in her dark beauty. How could I be so blessed? In ecstasy we celebrated and enjoyed each others body, soul and spirit. Every part of her body was a delight and I delighted in celebrating her and pleasing her. She was my perfect sexual helpmeet. I had learned in losing Lynn that as long as she was happy I should just keep on loving her in every way I could, not worrying about my inadequacies. She rejoiced in our loving and our loving filled my heart. I accepted her love without reservation and gave her my love without reservation. She blessed me in the same manner. I felt my soul could fly again. I learned that she was sensitive and in need of support and protection, that she had a heart breaking childhood. Though I loved her dearly, affectionately and passionately, I failed to accept her just as she was. I failed to accept the fact that somethings I wanted her to do, she simply could not do. I felt that she was being stubborn and uncooperative and I began to resent this in her. Our love became clouded by my failure to accept her just as she was and her heart began to hurt. The seeds had been planted that would break her heart and drive her to leave me. Oblivious to the pain I was causing her, I thought we would be together for ever. Her broken heart became an angry, bitter and hardened heart in our last years together. She finally left me 12/26/'87. €€€Because He Loves the orphan and the widow; the outcasts and rejects of society. He cares about the prisoner, the oppressed, the sick, the weak, the unloved. #6. AN "ORPHAN" FINDS A LOVING HOME Then there is the Felicia miracle. God didn't save my life but He used me to save Felicia's life. She was a hippie run away from an Arizona foster home. Her parents didn't want her. She ran away to LA and she landed up at the Christian Communal Home that three Christian "Hippies" got after they were born again in Jesus. They wanted a place where they and their hippie friends who were coming to Jesus could come, stay, be comfortable, meet and grow in Jesus. It was a big house with about 8 bedrooms. The police knew about this hippie half-way house and approved of runaways like Felicia staying there. After about a week or two, Felicia got mad about one of the rules of the house, had a temper tantrum and stormed out of the House during a Bible lesson with about 25 people present. She said she was leaving and not coming back! It was dark and it was an integrated neighborhood with a lot of prostitution, drugs and violence. She was a small white hippie girl walking out into the darkness and all of that Darkness. I tried to decide what I should do since she wouldn't listen to reason. I figured either I could stick with her and keep on trying to reason with her, but I was concerned that we'd both land up in a situation where we would both be in danger. So I decided the best place for her was the Christian Hippie House. So I ran after her, tried one more time to persuade her to stay, but when she refused I just picked her up and put her across my shoulder with her screaming, hitting my back and trying to kick loose of my arms all the way back to the House, through the evening Bible Lesson and into the prayer room where the House elders were having a meeting. I still don't know why the neighbors didn't call the cops and how they were ab le to continue that Bible lesson. I set her down in their midst and told them what had happened. We talked and we prayed until Felicia was passed her crisis and was willing to stay. A couple of months later, a much more godly and spirit-filled Felicia announced to us that she felt let to go back to Arizona, end her run away status, turn herself in to her social worker and trust God for the consequences. The few elders who were present said they agreed with her and had peace about it. A little later that Saturday evening she said she felt she HAD to go that night and asked if I could drive her over to Hollywood to catch the last Greyhound bound for Arizona that night. I said sure, gathered some of the brothers and sisters to see her off that night. We got to the bus stop shortly before the bus arrived. She tried to buy the ticket but found she didn't have enough money. We all chipped in everything we had but we still didn't have enough money to get her to her social worker. She felt she HAD to go on that bus at that time, so we prayed and decided that she would buy a ticket to get her into Arizona Sunday morning and then she would have just enough change to call her social worker and have her pick her up sometime later. We all prayed for and over her and our sweet 16 year old little bare-foot hippie girl in a granny dress with flowers in her hair got on the bus and left in a cloud of prayers and tears. Later we got her letter and "the rest of the story". She arrived in a small Arizona town around 9am Sunday morning. She had only enough money for the phone call and her social worker didn't answer her phone. So she decided to walk around town, bare foot in a granny dress with flowers in her hair, that bright sunny Sunday morning. A little into her walk she hear people singing and she thought she knew the song. She came up to a small town steepled church and realized it was church time and church was just beginning. So little Felicia walked her little barefoot self into the back of that church with some flowers in her hand and joined in the service. After the service was over, the pastor asked her what she was doing in town and where she was staying. Felicia told him the whole story of parents not wanting her, running away from foster home, living on the streets of L.A. and being born again in a Christian Hippie House. The pastor and his wife asked her if she would like to come home with them for lunch and until her social worker could come. By the time lunch was over, the pastor and his wife told Felicia they would love to have her as their daughter and would she please let them be her parents. She could hardly believe it, her social worker approved, they adopted her and sent her through Bible college and she went in to full time Christian service. The little broken girl, unwanted by her parents and foster parents, who ran away to find Love and Life, found Love, Life and a home with parents who loved and cherished her dearly. If I hadn't brought her back that night ----- if she hadn't obeyed that leading to leave that Saturday night ---- if I hadn't been able to drive her that night ------ if we had had more or less money and she had landed up in a different town ----- if her social worker had answered her first phone call ------- but the miracle happened and the homeless, unloved, grieved and lonely little girl found a home, Love, Joy and family. What a wonderful miracle. €€€I cannot help but believe after all of this. I hope you also will come to believe. What do you think of this? Do you know exactly where you stand with the God and Creator of the universe? Have you asked Him to be your Father in the Heavens? Have you believed/trusted/relied/depended on the Lord/King Jesus Christ ---the God anointed Saviour King of Israel ----to save you from your faults, failures and mistakes? Salvation from personal faults/failures/mistakes belongs to the poor in spirit. Matt. 5:3 says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." If you recognize that you are spiritually destitute---totally incapable of deserving or earning salvation from your errors in any way, you are poor in spirit-- you are humble. The poor in spirit, the humble, understand that they are sinners, totally impotent to please or to serve God. To acknowledge that you are a sinner unable to save yourself is humility. Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners (1 Tim. 1:15). Isaiah said, "When You make His soul an offering for sin, He shall see [His] seed. He shall prolong [His] days and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in His hand. He shall see the distressing travail of His soul, and be satisfied. By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many, for He shall bear their iniquities." Poverty of spirit (humility) is interwoven in the act of repentance, the life-altering change of mind about you, your sin and God. When you repent (change your mind), you see yourself as you really are and you change your mind in respect to your relationship to God the Father and to His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. The act of repentance brings you to see your sin as ugly as it is, as God sees it, and you come to a point where you want to be free from it. Of course, freedom from sin comes only by believing/trusting/ relying on the Lord Jesus Christ. The one who is regularly committing sin is the slave of sin. However, if the Son shall set you free from regularly committing sin, you shall be free indeed (John 8:334,36) The poor in spirit see their impotence to free themselves from sin/failures/faults/errors. They see that freedom is possible only through Christ's death for us as our substitute. They recognize that salvation/deliverance comes by God's act of undeserved and unmeritted kindness and mercy alone. They choose to believe God and His Word about themselves and their relationship with Him. One cannot speak of the Crucifixion apart from the Resurrection. It is the resurrection that gives us newness of life. Christ's resurrection testifies to two vital truths. One, it shows that God was propitiated, or satisfied, with the substitutionary death of Jesus Christ. Jesus became the bearer of our sins. Isaiah's word is "But he was wounded/pierced for our transgressions, bruised/crushed for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes (from the cutting whips) we are healed." In Romans 4:25 we read, "[He] who was delivered up because of our transgressions, and was raised [from the dead] because of our justification." "Raised because of our justifica- tion" means that because Jesus' payment (the death of His body) for our sins was adequate to satisfy the demands of justice and a Holy God, God could then declare us righteous, justified and made acceptable in His sight. Jesus was raised from death because His death for us satisfied the righteousness of our Holy God. His resurrection shows us that Jesus Christ conquered death. Death had a holdover man because of his sin/error/failures/faults. However, once the death penalty of sin was paid for by the death of Christ's body, death no longer had any holding power. "The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law" (1 Corinth. 15:56). Jesus paid the price of redemption, redeeming us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us ---for cursed was everyone who was hung on a tree/stake (Deut. 21:23; Gala. 3:13). His death took away the power of sin. Jesus also took the stinger out of death by paying for our sin so that we need have no fear of what awaits us in and after death. Because our sin debt is paid for in full by Christ, death has no power over us. Dear reader, have you come to the end of yourself? Have you seen your total impotence, your total unworthiness? Have you seen your nothingness apart from God? And have you seen Jesus, God the Son who took upon Himself flesh and blood that He might die for you and for all people? Have you decided that you want His Way and Will in and for your life instead of your own will and way? Do you believe that? Do you believe He died in your place? Do you believe that He was made sin for you, so that you, a helpless and hopeless enemy of God, might have His righteousness and His life? Have you repented---turned away from self-will to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ----the God anointed Saviour King of Israel? Out loud with your mouth agree with God about the God anointed Saviour King of Israel, and you will be saved, "for with the heart man believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses [Jesus], resulting in salvation." Romans 10:10-13. Joel 2: 32 And it shall be, whoever shall call on the name of the LORD shall be saved; for salvation shall be in Mount Zion and in Jerusalem, as the LORD has said, and in the remnant whom the LORD shall call. Ps 119:6 Then I shall not be ashamed, when I have respect to all Your commandments. Ps 119:80 Let my heart be sound in Your statutes, so that I may not be ashamed. Ps 119:116 Uphold me according to Your word, that I may live; and let me not be ashamed of my hope. The preceeding Good News presentation is a paraphrase of K. Arthur's "Lord Heal My Hurts" K. Arthur may neither subscribe to, nor endorse my files described below, but the Lord uses her teaching mightily in the mending, healing and restoring of broken lives, and in the nurturing of believers. For more helpful information to help you with your decision and walk in Christ, write K. Arthur at Precept Ministries P.O. Box 182218 Chattanooga, Tennessee 37422 (423) 892-6814 Other resources for your walk in Christ: http://www.emmaus.edu/ http://www.insight.org http://www.freedominchrist.com *********************************** Peace, Tyler