Subject: WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOUR WIFE REFUSES TO LET YOU HAVE SEX WITH HER? GROUP QUESTION: BIBLICAL DIVORCES i have been separated from my wife for two years, i moved out of the house and got my own apartment. ///The Word for your situation is in 1 Cor 7 12 But as to the rest, *I* say, not the Lord, If any [believing] brother is having an unbelieving wife/woman, and *she* consent/wills to dwell/house with him, he should not leave her. 13 And a [believing] wife/woman who has an unbelieving husband/man, and he consents/wills to dwell/live with her, she should not leave her husband/man. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified in the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in the brother; since otherwise indeed your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever go away, they should go away; a brother or a sister is not [maritally] bound in such cases, but God has called us in peace. 16 For what know thou, O wife, if thou shalt save thy husband? or what know thou, O husband, if thou shalt save thy wife? We got married in haste too young. She was pretty with a cute manner and outlook.i didn't think about the fact that she used strong language, and was not very faithful in the Lord,and now i do. Before we married we had great sex, and then after we married it died out. In the past few years we had sex two times. ///The mother of my children allowed us to have sex only five weeks out of our last five years together, none at all during the last two of those five years. Her hope was to drive me to infidelity so she could divorce me and look good doing it. i feel like i am being ignored. \\\\\If any [believing] brother is having an unbelieving wife/woman, and *she* consent/wills to dwell/house with him, he should not leave her ///Remember the flip side of that verse, If any [believing] brother is having an unbelieving wife/woman, and *she* DOES NOT consent/will to dwell/house with him, he IS FREE TO LEAVE HER, THOUGH STILL MARRIED TO HER UNTIL SHE ABANDONS THE RELATIONSHIP . . . . But if the unbeliever go away, they should go away; a brother or a sister is not [maritally] bound in such cases, but God has called us in peace. ////IF I were you, I would get an excellent lawyer and draw up and get legal separation protections from her, especially in the money. In a legal separation you can end her access to your money, and end your responsibility for her debts. In fact, being a steward of the money Jesus gives you, you should protect your money from her so it can go for the kids and the Christian needy. We have one child. And she is disrespectful to me. The more i do for my wife to show i love her, she turns away from me and takes me for granted. i always went to church and believed in God, my faith has increased and i am saved now. She is still the same in her faith. She knows there is a God but she is not saved. She does not want go to church with me and pray over our marriage. She told me harshly to stop preaching to her, and leave her alone about it. ///You really should stop. You really want her saved, for her sake and for he kids' sake, and your preaching pressure only drives her away from Jesus. All you can do now is pray for her and make sure your kids have good exposure to the Word. She will go out with friends and her family taking my daughter with her. i feel she maybe cheating on me too. It seems like she is avoiding me and the issues. Even though i do want to work things out, i feel like we need to divorce. i cant live like this. We have bills to pay and she keeps making more bills. We have a lot of items i bought in the house besides that whole house. She says if i leave her she will take every penny i have or will have. And the house and everything else. ////IF I were you, I would get an excellent lawyer and draw up and get legal separation protections from her, especially in the money. In a legal separation you can end her access to your money, and end your responsibility for her debts. In fact, being a steward of the money Jesus gives you, you should protect your money from her so it can go for the kids and the Christian needy. i was told by my pastor that once a spouse is put out or moves out that is a divorce, and i need to do something. ///The Word for your situation is in 1 Cor 7 12 But as to the rest, *I* say, not the Lord, If any [believing] brother is having an unbelieving wife/woman, and *she* consent/wills to dwell/house with him, he should not leave her. . . . . 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified in the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in the brother; since otherwise indeed your children are unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever go away, they should go away; a brother or a sister is not [maritally] bound in such cases, but God has called us in peace. 16 For what know thou, O wife, if thou shalt save thy husband? or what know thou, O husband, if thou shalt save thy wife? In the past year i was feeling so lonely i met this woman, and fell in love with her.She was a blessing to me. i did intended to marry her, but saw that things at home should have been worked out first. A big mistake, now her feelings are hurt because i keep stalling about the divorce. //The mother of my children wouldn't divorce me even though she had left y ears before, even though she had male roommates. She made it absolutely clear she wanted no reconciliation with me, though she claimed to be saved and was active in her church. I met my current wife, got engaged and decided to do the divorce, making it clear to all parties and relatives involved I was doing it only because there was no hope of reconciliation, and morally I needed to be married. When I had the divorce papers served to her, I declared out loud before my children and the server that if she were really saved, I was only doing the divorce so that I could remarry legally, and that if she were saved that before God and those witness I did not repudiate, disown, deny, reject or renounce her as being my wife in the Kingdom, if indeed she were really saved and bound to me as long as we both live (Mark 10, Rom 7:1-5; 1 Cor 7:39). What does that have to do with it? See below. Six months later the divorce was final on Monday and the following Saturday I remarried, legally. i just need to know i am doing the right thing.....i know this is a lot,but there is even more. Douglass ///Adultery for the man according to the Bible: 1. "Whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery", obviously because she still is bound to the husband from whom she is divorced. [>.^151. Mat. 5:32; 19:9; except in the cases of 1 Cor. 7:12-15,39; 1 Tim. 5:14.] //////My present wife was free from her former husband according to 1 Cor 7:12,15. 2. "Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." The adultery consists of divorcing his wife for something else besides sexual immorality >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>AND <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< then remarrying. If he stayed married to his wife and married another, according to this passage he has not committed adultery. What does that mean? Ask me. On the other hand, it is implied here that if he divorces his wife for sexual immorality and marries another, he does not commit adultery. His divorcing her does not cause her to commit adultery because she is already immorally sexually involved with someone else. His refusal to meet her sexual needs (1 Cor 7:2-5) does not cause her to be immoral because she is already being immoral. He is commanded not to be intimate with her (1Cor.5:11) but his lack of her intimacy will cause him to be tempted (1 Cor.7:5). If the temptations overcome him and he is faIling to control himself, burning with marital desire, he comes under command to marry (1Cor.7:9) and so remarries in the Lord. [Footnote: >152. Matt 19: 9: Mark 10:11; Luke 16:18.152.] /////////// Did you get that key word, AND? "Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." PLEASE NOTE THE WORD DOES >>>>>>>NOT <<<<<<< SAY "Whoever STAYS FAITHFUL TO his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." "Whoever CONTINUES TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT HE IS MARITALLY BOUND TO his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." THE MEANING BEING ======Whoever CONTINUES TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT HE IS MARITALLY BOUND TO his wife, and marries another, DOES NOT commits adultery." It might expose you to bigamy felony and jail, but it doesn't mean that it is adultery, according to the Bible. 3. "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her." Mark 10:11 Pretty clear, right? But please note that nowhere in the Bible does He say "Whoever remains married to his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her." Why? Remembering that when Jesus walked on earth He Himself commanded the apostles and His disciples to observe and obey all of the Law of Moses>a., the apostles and Jewish believers kept and observed all the Laws given to Moses (including those about polygyny) through the entire book of Acts>b. period up until God released the apostles and believing Jews from the Law of Moses in Ephesians 2 and Colosians 2, consider the following facts: (1) Immediately after God gave Moses the ten commandments He gave Moses instructions for men who have more than one wife>14. . (2) Later He gave Moses instructions (Dt.12:1ff) for a husband who has two wives>15. . (3) He gave Moses specific instructions for the brother-in-laws of a widow and did not exempt any brother who was already married>16. and Jesus introduced no such exemption when He spoke of this passage>17. (4) God Himself told polygynist King David (he had ten +/- wives and concubines at the time>18. ) that He had been with him wherever he had gone, that He would make a great name for him, that his descendant would be the Messiah>19. , and that He Himself had given David more than one wife>20. (5) God, who cannot sin and never portrays Himself as sinning, portrayed Himself as the polygynist husband of two wives in Ezekiel 23. [Footnotes: >a. Matthew 23:1-3 >b. In Matthew 23:1-3 Jesus commands obedience to the Laws give n to Moses. In Acts 15 the believing non-Jews, not the believing Jews, were released from the Laws given to Moses. In Acts 21:15-25 we see the Jewish apostle Paul and the surviving apostles still obeying the Law of Moses in obedience to Christ in Matt. 23:1-3. >14. Exodus 21:7-11 (See Hosea 3:2; Deut. 25:5-10; Lev. 19:20) >15. Deut. 21:15-17 (See 2 Chron. 24:3; Gen. 29:33; 1 Chron.5:2; 26:10; 2 Kings 2:9) >16. Deut. 25:5-10 >17. Matt. 22:23-25; Mark 12:18-20; Luke 20:27-29 >18. 2 Samuel 5:13; 6:12-23 >19. 2 Samuel 7:8-17 >20. 2 Samuel 12:8 ; that this did not mean platonic care is evident from 1 Kings 1:1-3; 2:13-25.] ///////"Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her." Mark 10:11 Pretty clear, right? But please note that nowhere in the Bible does He say "Whoever remains married to his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her." THE MEANING BEING THAT WHOEVER KEEPS HIS WIFE AND MARRIES ANOTHER DOE NOT COMMIT ADULTERY AGAINST HER, SINCE BIBLICAL ADULTERY IS DIVORCING YOUR WIFE AND MARRYING ANOTHER. 4. "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife.">153. "You shall not lie carnally with your neighbor's wife">154. "For this is the will of God. . . ..that no one should take advantage of and defraud/cheat his brother in this matter.Ó>155. A genuine Christian wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives and she becomes an adulteress when she marries another while he still lives. [Footnotes:>153. Exod. 20:17. >154. Leviticus18:20. >155. 1 Thess. 4:3-6.] Adultery for the woman: 1. "Whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery">144. The reason being that she is still bound to him as wife.>145. [Footnote: >144 Mat. 5:32; 19:9; Luke 16:18; except in the cases of 1 Cor. 7:12-15,39; 1 Tim. 5:14. >145. 1 Cor. 7:10, 11, 39; Romans 7:1-3. ] 2. The husband "causes her to commit adultery" when he divorces her for any reason other than sexual immorality>146. The reason being that she is still bound to him as wife.>147 In 1 Corinth. 7:5 we see that her husband "causes her to commit adultery" because her husband is failing to meet her marital needs and the enemy of her soul tempts in her burning need. (On the other hand: The wife is not said to cause her husband to commit adultery when she divorces him for any other reason than sexual immorality. Ever wonder why? Ask me.) [Footnote: >146. Matt. 5:32; 19:9. >147 1 Cor. 7:10, 11, 39; Romans 7:1-3.] 3. "And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.">148. The adultery consists of both divorce AND remarriage. The reason being that she is still bound to him as wife.>149. [Footnotes:>148. Mark 10:12. >149. 1 Cor. 7:10, 11, 39; Romans 7:1-3.] ///////PLEASE NOT THE IMPORTANCE OF THE WORD >>>>>AND<<<<<<< "And if a woman divorces her husband AND marries another, she commits adultery." ///SO DOESN'T THIS MEAN, AS FOR THE MAN, THAT And if a woman KEEPS her husband and marries another, she DOES NOT commit adultery.????? NOPE, NOT AT ALL, BECAUSE GOD HAS A DOUBLE STANDARD FOR HUSBANDS AND WIVES. ****** "Whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery">144. ******"if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.">150 [Footnote: >150. Romans 7:3.] YOU SEE THE DOUBLE STANDARD IN 1 COR 7 10 ¶ But to the married I enjoin, not *I*, but the Lord, the wife/woman should not be separated from [her] man/husband; 11 (but if also she shall have been separated, she should remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her man/husband;) and the man/husband should not leave [his own] woman/wife. Do you see the double standard? The saved wife has the second best option of separating (legally or informally) from her saved husband, remaining unmarried or reconciling with her husband. THE HUSBAND HAS NO SUCH OPTION. THE WORD TO THE HUSBAND NO SEPARATION POSSIBLE the man/husband should not leave [his own] woman/wife. IN NO WAY AND AT NO TIME DOES JESUS GIVE THE MAN THE OPTION OF SEPARATION. HE IS ALWAYS BOUND BY THE COMMANDS OF 1 COR 7 1 ¶ But concerning the things of which ye have written to me: It is good for a man not to be touching a woman; 2 but on account of sex sins, each should be having his own woman/wife, and each [woman/wife] should be having her own man/husband. 3 Let the husband render her due to the wife, and in like manner the wife to the husband. 4 The wife/woman does not have [sexual] authority over her own body, but the man/husband [has sexual authority over her body]: in like manner also the man/husband does not have [sexual] authority over his own body, but the wife/woman [does have sexual authority over the body of her man/husband]. 5 Don't deprive/deny each other [sexually], unless, it may be, by consent for a time, that ye may devote yourselves to prayer, and again be together [sexually], that Satan tempt you not because of your lack of [godly sexual] control. ///The only option for the saved man with a crazy or sinning wife is to not eat with her and not socialize with her (1 Cor 5; 2 Thess 3). THE DEFINITION OF ADULTERY IS THE SECOND DOUBLE STANDARD FOR SAVED HUSBANDS AND WIVES. Adultery for the female is sexual intimacy with anyone else besides her own husband/mate. Adultery for the male is when (1) he is married to a new wife and had left/rejected/divorced his former wife in order to marry this new wife>99 . ; or (2) is sexually intimate with some one else's wife. It is this double standard that allowed Abraham, Jacob, David and Joash to be godly polygamists, but declared a woman to be an adulteress if she was intimate with anyone but her own mate. It is a double standard for the man and the woman, just like polygyny was/is a double standard for the man and the woman. The same sin is defined differently for the woman and differently for the man. See more on this below. [Footnotes:>99 It is the combination of divorcing one's mate in order to marry another and then marrying that other. If he both dutifully keeps his own wife and then marries another woman, it is not adultery. If the wife dutifully keeps her own husband and marries another it is adultery (Romans 7:3) The double standard is clearly laid out in Matt. 5:32 and 19:6-9; Mark 10:1-11; Luke 16:18; 1 Thess. 4:4-6 and Romans 7:1-3; 1 Corinth. 7:39] WHAT IS THIS SAYING? WHY THE DOUBLE STANDARD? Gen 2: 16 ¶ To the woman he said, I will greatly increase thy travail and thy pregnancy; with pain thou shalt bear children; and to thy husband shall be thy desire, and he shall rule over thee. SO HOW DOES IT APPLY TO US TODAY? APPLIED AND PARAPHRASED 1 Cor 7: 1 ¶ But concerning the things of which ye have written to me: It is good for a man not to be touching a woman; 2 but on account of sex sins, each should be having his own woman/wife, and each [woman/wife] should be having her own man/husband [BUT IF THEY DON'T THE SET EACH OTHER UP FOR SEX SIN]. 3 Let the husband render her due to the wife, and in like manner the wife to the husband. 4 The wife/woman does not have [sexual] authority over her own body, but the man/husband [has sexual authority over her body]: in like manner also the man/husband does not have [sexual] authority over his own body, but the wife/woman [does have sexual authority over the body of her man/husband], [THIS AUTHORITY HAS BEEN GIVEN TO EACH BY GOD AND TO RESIST IT IS TO RESIST GOD Romans 13:1 ¶ Let every soul be subject to the authorities that are above him. For there is no authority except from God; and those that exist are set up by God. 2 So that he that sets himself in opposition to the authority resists the ordinance of God; and they who thus resist shall bring sentence of guilt on themselves. AND IF ONE OF THEM DOES RESIST THIS SEXUAL AUTHORITY GIVE BY GOD, THE ONE RESISTING SETS THE OTHER UP FOR SEX SIN] 1COR 7: 5 Don't deprive/deny each other [sexually], unless, it may be, by consent for a time, that ye may devote yourselves to prayer, and again be together [sexually], that Satan tempt you not because of your lack of [godly sexual] control. PARAPHRASED AND APPLIED: Deprive/deny each other sexually without mutual agreement and for prayer and fasting, you open yourself to Satan's temptations and Satan's exploitation of your need for sex. 1 Cor 7: 9 But if they are not having [godly sexual] control over themselves, they should marry; for it is better to marry than to be burning. PARAPHRASED AND APPLIED IN THE CASE OF A WIFE SEXUALLY DENYING/ DEPRIVING HER MATE: 2 but on account of sex sins, each should be having his own woman/wife, and each [woman/wife] should be having her own man/husband [GOT A MATE WHO WILL NOT LET YOU BE SEXUALLY HAVING HER ON A REGULAR BASIS?]. 3 Let the husband render her due to the wife, and in like manner the wife to the husband. 4 The wife/woman does not have [sexual] authority over her own body, but the man/husband [has sexual authority over her body]: in like manner also the man/husband does not have [sexual] authority over his own body, but the wife/woman [does have sexual authority over the body of her man/husband], [GOT A WIFE WHO DENIES AND DEFIES YOUR SEXUAL AUTHORITY OVER HER BODY?] 5 Don't deprive/deny each other [sexually], unless, it may be, by consent for a time, that ye may devote yourselves to prayer, and again be together [sexually], that Satan tempt you not because of your lack of [godly sexual] control [GOT A WIFE WHO DEPRIVES AND DENIES YOU SEXUALLY FOR OTHER THINGS THAN FOR PRAYER AND FASTING BY MUTUAL CONSENT, LAYING YOU OPEN TO BE SEXUALLY TEMPTED BY SATAN?] 1 Cor 7: 9 But if they are not having [godly sexual] control over themselves, they should marry; for it is better to marry than to be burning. [THEN YOU ARE UNDER COMMAND TO BE MARRIED TO A WIFE WHO WILL LET YOU BE SEXUALLY HAVING HER EVEN IF YOUR "SAVED" AND LEGAL WIFE WON'T DIVORCE YOU, WON'T DISOWN YOU, WON'T REJECT YOU MARITALLY. SO YOU DO WHAT I DID. YOU DECLARE BEFORE ALL INVOLVED THAT BY DIVORCING HER FOR LEGAL REASONS YOU STILL CLAIM HER AS YOUR WIFE BEFORE GOD AND HIS WORD ACCORDING TO HIS KINGDOM LAW, AND DECLARE THAT THE ONLY REASON FOR THE DIVORCE IS FOR THE SAKE OF OBEYING GOD'S COMMAND THAT YOU BE MARRIED AND SEXUALLY HAVING A WIFE OF YOUR OWN. ANYWAY, THAT'S THE WAY I SEE IT. PEACE IN JESUS, RON ******************************************************* The Eternal Father of Love gave His only Son born of, woman to die for your failures so that you do not have, to be lost to Death but can Live with Jesus forever, by, trusting Jesus alone to save you from Death and, failure, and make you right to Live with the Eternal, Father of, Love forever. 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